


Rebirth and Affliction: Eclipse Reimagined

by Jadiona



Series: Life and Death Continuation [13]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Fantasy, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 59,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadiona/pseuds/Jadiona
Summary: After Beau has killed his first humans and more, he has to learn to live with the cost of his actions. The question is how can he move forward with his life when he knows he can't have the love of his immortal life. As massacre is happening in Seattle, and Victor gets closer to making his move, how will Beau deal with his future? Perhaps love only belongs to humans.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: So, first and foremost, read Death and Rebirth first, once you've done that then... Before we open this up, let's see who was paying attention to the missing moments I've posted. Do you remember what was on Edythe's and Beau's lips in a future vision (Unforeseen Circumstances)? What are Julie's beliefs (this one was answerable through the book, but Future Black shows more details)? Who hates Beau now (Side-Swipe)? Who thinks he has a ghost (Booze and Pills)? Who kissed who (Bitter Reminder)? Who is in Seattle that wasn't in Eclipse (Corner Rat Race)? And finally, who punched Embrianna (No New Dawn)?

**Preface**

All our attempts at subterfuge had been in vain.

With ice in my heart, I crouched beside her as we prepared to defend ourselves. Her intense concentration betrayed no hint of doubt, though we were outnumbered. I knew that we could expect no help – at this moment, our family was fighting for their lives just as surely as we were for ours.

Would we ever learn the outcome of that other fight? Find out who the winners and the losers were? Would we live long enough for that?

The odds of that didn't look so great.

Black eyes, wild with their fierce craving for my death – for our deaths – watched for the moment when one of us faltered. The moment when we both would surely die.

Somewhere, far, far away in the cold forest, a wolf howled.


	2. Chapter 1 - Ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 1 – Ultimatum**

I sat on a private beach with the wolves and a few others. They were all here today, just having fun, because, as Julie had explained to me, sometimes they just needed to relax.

Of course, I knew the other part was that Victor had been strangely absent for over a month. There was little point in constant patrols with him gone.

Samantha, Paula and Elliott sat around a bonfire about a hundred feet away from me. In the area between them and me were some of the others. Jaelyn and Kirk sat together sharing a beer that was completely illegal for both of them, but it was summer and no one here was going to bust them. I was relatively sure that it had been Samantha who'd bought all the beer for today's little party.

Then there was Quilla, Sarah, and Embrianna, sitting next to one of the coolers filled with food. Sarah kept trying to sneak her hand in the cooler, and every time she did, Embrianna would slap her hand. It was amusing to watch.

Adam and Julie were closer to me still. And closest of all was Leland. He didn't like me much, but he hated the whole pack sisters even more. It was ironic, he and I didn't really get along, and yet we probably saw eye to eye more than with anyone else here. We were both the odd ones out.

On the opposite side of the bonfire were Brandy and Colette, the two newest – and youngest – members of the pack. Brandy was laid out on the beach, sunbathing, but Colette was sitting as stiff as a rod and glaring at me through the fire. Lee and I might not get along all that well, but Colette flat out hated me. I wasn't one to judge though. She'd seen first hand how monstrous vampires could be.

"I hate her, sis. I really do," Adam said to Jules as he glared at Paula.

"Well tell her that, preferably at the same time you tell her that you're moving back to Seattle," Jules replied.

"I'm not moving back, and I can't stay mad at her. You see, she does thing thing with her tongue –"

"Oh my god! Shut up, Adam. I don't want to know anything about your love life!" Jules screeched, putting her hands over her ears.

I chuckled and Jules shot me a withering glare.

Lee snorted, then he turned to me. "I'm going to get a beer and then I'll be right back. You better not move."

I rolled my eyes, waving my hand at him in a dismissive manner. Of course, that was the real reason why he was so close to me even though we didn't get along. Jules had decided I couldn't get closer than a hundred feet to the fire and she'd asked – with an implication that she would order it if he disagreed – for him to keep an eye on me.

But as Lee got up to go get his beer, my eyes tracked the other person on the beach – the one that Quilla couldn't take her eyes off of. Little Clay Young was playing on the rocks, picking up random ones – sometimes he'd try to throw it in the ocean, other times he'd half run, half wobble, as he carried it over to Quilla or Elliott, and every once and awhile, he'd bring one over to me.

I'd met him for the first time several weeks ago, when my eyes had still been a weird orange-red color. By the next time I saw him, almost two weeks later, my eyes had been pretty much solid gold. Only someone looking for the red would have seen it then. Ever since he'd been obsessed with the man with the 'pwetty eyes,' much to everyone's consternation.

The ironic thing was that among the humans; Kirk was afraid of me, Adam was concerned by me, and Elliott was troubled by me – only little Clay was completely unafraid. He'd come up to me without fear, even having gone so far as to try and jump up into my arms when I'd tried to back away from him one time. I understood without any interpretation that he'd decided I was his friend and there nothing I could do to discourage him.

Today, he wore a pair of shorts and a little blue t-shirt. He wasn't quite three years old and already had thick black hair that went halfway down his back, and bright brown eyes that matched Quilla's fur color in her wolf form. He had little puffy cheeks, a stomach that was slightly more paunchy than it probably would be in a few years – baby fat – and the most innocent smile I'd ever seen.

It was hard to believe that Quilla's life was inexplicably tied to his, but, you see, he was her imprint – the same way Kirk was Jaelyn's, Adam was Paula's, and Elliott was Samantha's. The only difference, Quilla would have to wait close to twenty years before there'd ever be anything between them other than a big sister/little brother kind of relationship. It was the first one of the imprint pairs that I'd got to witness who weren't a couple. I didn't know if I felt sorry for Quilla, or if I envied her, because of the fact that the love she had was so simple and pure.

He grabbed a small gray rock off of the beach, and quickly toted it over to Quilla, who clapped her hands before gently taking it from him, responding to some instinctual knowledge of what he wanted in a way that only she could. It was another part of the imprint bond, but it was the most confusing part of it.

He raced away from her, looking around before picking up a small green shell and carrying it towards me.

Then he fell. I smelled the blood coming from the open wound immediately. I cut off my air supply. I could have raced to the forest, but I didn't, because I didn't want to frighten the little boy... or worse, make him even more obsessed with me.

He got up and continued wobbling over to me. Quilla had seen him fall and she got up, but she was subconsciously aware of his desires so she didn't intercept him, the way I wished she would have. He made the last few steps to me before he held the shell out to me.

I put my hand out and he dropped the shell into my hand.

Quilla had stepped up behind him so I said quietly through my teeth, "Get him away from me."

She reached down, picking up the young boy and carrying him away.

I got up just as Jules came over to me. "I'm leaving," I muttered.

Her hand reached out, taking my arm. "You're doing fine, Beau."

"And let's not test my restraint more than I just did." Oh, I was sure I could resist. I'd been practicing my resistance with Jules every time I went hunting, because she always went with me when I hunted and watched me like a hawk. The thing was, I didn't belong at the beach party and we both knew it.

I knew she saw me as her  _temporary_ boyfriend, and she liked having me around, but that wasn't what our relationship really was. We shared an intensely intellectual bond where she just got me on every level, but there was nothing physical to it. She was just the person who saved my life, the person I talked to...

– – –

Jules puled me over to her side of the border. "It won't happen, Beau. So forget it."

"Julie..." I shook my head. "Do you not see my eyes?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then you know what that means, and you already told me once that I wasn't a monster because I'd never killed someone. Obviously, that has changed."

"I also told you we'd reevaluate if you ever made a mistake. I didn't tell you that I'd condemn you to death for it," she snapped in anger.

"It wasn't some accidental slip-up, Jules."

Apparently my voice was firm enough that she believed me, because she looked at me. She let go of my hands, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back against a nearby tree. "Okay, why did you do it then?"

"Julie, you don't want to know that kind of info."

"You're right, I don't, but you came here because you wanted me to kill you. So tell me why. Make me believe that you truly are nothing but a monster now. Mind you, monsters don't have consciences."

"I was here for Sam. I didn't want you involved."

"If that was true you would have gone to Elliott's place, or at the very least you would have tracked down one of her pack. You told Quilla though. You knew you'd get me."

"No, I just –"

"Yes, you did." Her voice was harsh. "I'd ask if this was about Edythe, except I've been at the Cullens every single day and know she's been worried sick about you."

"Why have you been there every day?" I was mystified.

"At first, because I was worried when you didn't show up the way I expected you too. Also though, you may have decided to flee the area, but we still have Victor to deal with on our end. Now tell me what happened."

I gave in, turning so I wasn't looking directly at her while I spoke. It was easier that way. "I've killed four people since I went with Archie to Italy. The first was there, in Volterra. They weren't going to let us leave unless I proved myself to them. Honestly, of the four, she's the only one I regret killing. She was an innocent woman and didn't deserve to die like that. The other three... The first was a drug dealer, and the other two... Well, they weren't nice people."

I could see her tilt her head out of the corner of my eye. "And how do you know they weren't?"

"The way they smelled was malicious. I may not be able to sense emotions like Jessamine can or read minds like Edythe, but I still have my nose. I don't know what they liked to do. I don't know if they were wife-beaters, thieves, rapists, murderers... my sense of smell couldn't tell me that. I suppose it's even possible that they never did anything and just had those types of thoughts all the time." I paused thoughtfully. "I suppose they could have even been coroners that just really enjoyed their jobs. I don't know. I actually don't want to know."

"Because then you'd humanize your victims and you don't want to do that."

"What?" I blinked, looking over at her.

She didn't directly answer my question. "Do you think it would be easier for Sam to kill you than me? We both know you, we have both humanized you... the rest of the Cullens too, to some extent."

"Then I'll leave."

"You  _should_  leave and  _go home_. But you won't. Because if you had any intention of going back to them, you'd already be there and not here. The question is why. I've spent enough time with them in the last weeks that I know they'd forgive you for killing a few humans. So what else did you do while you were gone?"

I opened my mouth but quickly shut it and looked away again, because not even Julie would understand what I'd done and why I'd done it.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you?"

I shook my head.

"Whatever you did, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. If I, a shape-shifter who values all human life – even when they are creeps – can forgive you for running off for a few weeks and just being a normal vampire, then they can forgive you for whatever you think you did."

I didn't reply.

She sighed. "Come on... Stay the day with me." She stepped forward, taking my hands again.

– – –

She never asked what I'd done after that, for which I was grateful, because though she assumed it wasn't that bad, I knew it was. It was worse than she could possibly imagine.

I missed Edythe – I missed the Cullens as a whole – and I knew with every passing day that Jules thought I was going to go back to them... but I wasn't. I couldn't.

Because Julie was a confidante, a friend... and even that was more than I could handle in my life...

– – –

It was a week after I'd followed Jules to La Push. I was staying in a small cabin a little ways into the forest. It smelled heavily of Jules. She'd told me that she stayed here when she didn't want to deal with her mom, but that I could use it until I was ready to go back to the Cullens. Somehow, after she told me that, the little wooden sign Earnest had given me for my birthday that read,  **Don't be afraid to pick yourself up when you fall** , had magically appeared on the wall.

"The eyes are freaky," Embrianna muttered, staring at me from where she was sitting on a chair.

"Why are you here again?" I asked from the wall I was leaning against.

"Because you're an idiot," she supplied succinctly.

I sighed, closing my eyes.

A few minutes later Jules came into the cabin. I opened an eye to look at her, she had something with her that I recognized. It was a laptop box. One that, the last time I'd seen it, it had been in the kitchen at the Cullens.

"What's that for?"

"You want to make amends for the things you've done? Start here." She put the the laptop on the cot. "Get my mom a van with hand controls."

I opened my mouth to reply but she held up her finger.

"I'm not letting you patrol until you're sure you're in control. I know you are already, but belief is nine points of the law, or so that story goes, and I know  _you_  don't believe it. So, this is something you can do now."

I rolled my eyes, but went over to the laptop, pulling it out of the box.

– – –

But that was the other part of why I was here. Julie was my jailer.

Two months ago, the day after I'd shown up, she'd given me an ultimatum when I told her I was going to leave. She'd stated that I could either stay in La Push or go back to my family, but if I tried anything else then she'd follow, dismember me, and bring me back – in pieces.

She was just bullheaded enough to actually do it too, so I stayed. Because it was better than the alternative of returning to the Cullens. There was no way I could stay with them and not be with Edythe – and that option was now lost to me forever.

And ever since, if she wasn't with me than someone else was; either one of her pack, one of Sam's, or one of the Cullens.

I shook her hand off and headed away from the beach.

She followed. "You can resist just fine, Beau. Why do you insist on doing this?"

"Because I'm not that Beau anymore."

"Yes, you are."

I kept walking. "Jules..." I swallowed. "Maybe I'd still be that guy if I'd never gone to Italy, but I've changed and what I see in my reflection anymore is no better than Victor."

"No. If you hadn't saved Edythe, you'd just be dead." She sighed. "I'm going back to the party. Return to it when you're ready."

But we both knew I wasn't going to. She turned to head back, but I couldn't just let her leave being disappointed that I wasn't doing any better.

So I spun around and reached out, grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry," I murmured softly. Then I let go – because hand-holding was as physical as our complicated relationship ever got.

…

No one was at the cabin when I got there, so I pulled out the cell phone Edythe had given me about six weeks ago.

There was an unopened text message on the phone, so I opened it up, reading the short message from Edythe before deleting it without replying.

I knew she still held out hope for that someday that I'd promised her before I'd left. I'd already told her that it would never happen twice, that she needed to move on without me, but she didn't believe me because,  _apparently_ , someone had told her otherwise. My money was on Archie, not that I was talking to him – the one time he'd tried, I'd ignored him completely.

I also wasn't talking to Earnest and Carine, though it wasn't because I was angry at them the way I was Archie, it was just because I couldn't deal with what I'd knew I'd see and hear if I spoke to them. I couldn't deal with the compassion and forgiveness. I couldn't deal with the  _acceptance_.

I did speak to Royal and Eleanor, mostly because they were the ones that acted as bodyguards more than any of the others when Julie asked one of them to.

… And Edythe... talked to me. Everyday she'd call or text and tell me she loved me, everyday it got a little harder to not reply. I only spoke to her when she showed up at the cabin, because no matter how much I knew I should ignore her, I couldn't. My heart betrayed what my mind knew was for the best every single time. Fortunately, she didn't come often.

I used the phone now to text Jessamine.

…

She showed up fifteen minutes later. "This isn't a good idea," she said.

"You agreed," I reminded her.

"Yes, but all the training in the world isn't going to put you in the right mind frame, which you currently aren't. Frankly, Beau, I'm relatively sure if you got in a real fight currently, you'd freeze up at a crucial moment."

"I think that'll be my problem when Victor finally comes after me, not yours."

"And what's going to happen to our family when you die because you can't do what's needed in that crucial moment?"

"I don't know what will happen to your family," I said.

"You've already seen what Edythe will do if you die, Beau," she snarled.

I flinched. "She needs to move on.  _I have_."

" _Liar._ "

Jessamine was on me before I had a chance to move, her hand at my throat as my back hit the ground. I pushed to my feet, throwing her off of me. Then I dashed at her, but she spun away in a move far more natural and graceful than I could ever manage.

I flipped backwards as she came at me... and then we were really moving.

None of my practice with Jules prepared me for Jessamine's skill, but that was why I'd wanted her to teach me, she was the most skilled fighter in the Cullen family, her years of experience in Mexico having given her skills that few other vampires had.

The second time I hit the ground – her hand at my throat again – it was harder to throw her off, because she'd already adjusted her style to make up for my one minor success.

I darted around a tree, but she was there, using the same move again to shove me down. I rolled to the side before she got her hand on my throat, bouncing back to my feet.

Two seconds later I hit the ground for my fourth time, this time face down. She grabbed my arm, yanking it behind my back. "Maybe you need an incentive to get your head on right," she said, her teeth at my arm.

I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath.

Jessamine pulled back and I got up immediately

Jessamine was staring at me in suspicion, but she didn't comment on what I was sure she had felt, instead she said, "We have company."

I turned to look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I can practically hear the questions wanting to know what Beau did that he thinks is so bad. Well that's for me to know and everyone else to wait and see, though if people pay attention, some of it will be answered – in a very round about way – in one of the next two chapters.


	3. Chapter 2 - Evasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: I assure you, this story will end with Edythe/Beau. But both Beau and Edythe have a lot of growing up to do. Beau doesn't blame for Edythe for leaving, but he still doesn't trust her. She's never really fully trusted him, and there's a lack of respect, faith and mutual love all around. This is stuff that takes time to develop and neither of them are there yet.

**Chapter 2 – Evasion**

"Edythe," I breathed as my eyes landed on hers as she came towards the cabin.

Jules was beside her and flinched slightly as I said said Edythe's name. I grimaced. It was little wonder that Edythe didn't believe me when I had claimed I'd moved on with the way my heart always betrayed my mind's wisdom.

I was surprised to see Jules next to Edythe since she had said she was going back to the party no more than an hour ago.

"What's going on?"

"I was going through the stuff in the trunk you left in your room and ran across the two plane tickets that the Denalis gave you to go up and see them. I called  _your keeper –_ " There was heavy sarcasm as she said the words "– because they're about to expire, and thought you should use them so as to not offend our cousins."

"It's your family, not mine. And I thought I told you to tell Carine she could make that room her office again. I'm not going back."

It was Edythe's turn to flinch, but she squared her shoulders quickly and narrowed her eyes. "Are you really enjoying this imprisonment that Julie has you under that much?"

"Over the risk of getting on a jet with tons of humans? Yes." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Besides, as you just pointed out, La Push is my prison for the time being."

Jules threw her arms up in exasperation at my words, stalking several feet away at that. Edythe chuckled at whatever my friend was thinking. I was quite certain it was something unflattering about stubbornness and me.

"Well, you do have two tickets, in theory Julie could go with you. Though I do suspect it will be quite awkward given that she was one of the ones that killed Ivan's mate."

She meant Lauren, of course.

I looked away. "I think I should stay here. It's where I belong." I turned around and walked toward the cabin.

I didn't make it to the door before Julie was in front of me. "You should go to Denali, Beau."

"Why?"

She narrowed her eyes and I could practically see her trying to calculate the right words to make me do what she apparently wanted me to. "Consider it a parole for good behavior."

I shook my head. "It's almost as if you want me to be with Edythe," I grumbled the words.

"I want you to let go of whatever you're holding onto and be happy. When you first showed up here, I thought that  _maybe_  I was what would make that happen and subconsciously you knew that. But it's been two months, Beau, and let's face it, you aren't happy – and you aren't heading in that direction, either."

"I'm  _fine_  here, Jules. I'm not hurting anyone, and I help out whenever any of you need."

She grabbed my shoulders. "Do you not hear yourself now? This. Here." She waved her hand at the cabin. "Is not a permanent thing for you. Somewhere in that head of yours, I  _know_  that you know that. I'll always be here for you, but you and I both know that I can't be  _her_  to you." She made a motion towards Edythe. "Isn't that what you once told me? That as long as there was a chance you and her could be together then you had to take it."

I stared at her, not replying.

She sighed. "I want you to go, Beau." Her eyes were intense.

"Fine," I muttered.

She let go of my arms immediately and I headed into the cabin.

I felt, more than heard, as both Julie and Jessamine left which meant the only one that was left was Edythe, who I was acutely aware of. She followed me into the cabin.

"Is the idea of spending time with me really that loathsome, Beau?"

I looked at her immediately. "Not even a little bit. I just don't deserve it anymore."

"Says who?"

"I know what I did, Edythe, and it's not something that can be forgiven."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?"

"Yes, but Edythe... If you found out the truth and then you and the family snuck off in the night again because of it –" I cut myself off, shaking my head. "– I can't go through that again, Edythe. Not this time I guess you could call me selfish, because I'm unwilling to tell you what I'm sure would drive you off for good. But I... I just need to know that you're alright. And if you leave, there's no guarantee that Victor won't follow you. Maybe once he's gone I can tell you." I shrugged.

"No matter what it is, I won't leave again, Beau." Her words were so adamant that I almost believed them, but I was unable to forget the last time.

"Edythe, the last time all of you left because it was a possibility that our future  _could_  end in disaster, not because I did something that was completely unforgivable, not because I wasn't worth it, not because you knew I was a soulless monster who had done unspeakable crimes... but because you  _thought_  that I  _might_ end up hating you. Now I am all of those things, and you want me to believe that you'll stay?" I looked down, feeling an emotion I couldn't really name swell up. "I want to trust that you're telling the truth, but Edythe... I just can't."

I saw in the edge of my vision as she opened her mouth only to close it a moment later. Finally, she said, "Maybe our time with the Denalis will change your mind."

"Maybe it will." Part of me really wished it would... but I doubted it.

…

I was relatively sure that Edythe was closer to panicking on the flight up to Alaska than I was. I wasn't as ignorant of the desire for human blood as I'd been before I'd tasted it... but after the last two months of  _attitude adjustment_ , as Jules called it, I was able to religiously avoid it.

Edythe had sat me next to the window and every time a human came down the aisle she'd freeze up, clearly expecting me to attack. It made for a tense four hour flight.

The fire engine red Camaro that was waiting in the parking lot outside the Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport looked very familiar. I knew it wasn't my Camaro though.  _Mine_  was at the bottom of the  _ocean_.

I turned to Edythe. "Do you have a thing for Chevrolets that I'm not aware of?"

"It's a rental. Besides, I didn't get a chance to drive the last one, Beau."

I snorted, but an amused grin lit my face.

She got in the driver's seat as I got in the passenger side, and then she took off, driving out of the town at the same neck breaking speeds she always did. My left hand found it's way into her right one without any conscious decision on my part as she drove us to the destination of the Denalis.

When we arrived at the Denalis house, I was surprised by the sight of the giant three story rustic looking log – cabin was the wrong word – mansion. It was huge, probably twice the size of the Cullens home in Forks.

The house was designed in a symbiotic pattern with the forest that surrounded it, the color of the wood matching the trees and the dark roof blending in with the dark green of the pine needles. There were dozens of windows – some large, some small – and the door had an arched top to it.

Edythe pulled off to the side of the house in a small clear space – like a tiny parking lot – shutting the engine off.

"Come on, we're here."

We got out of the car just as the front door was opened and the ones I recognized as the Denalis from the photo I'd been given, came outside. At the front of the group was a man that stood a couple inches taller than me. He had a perfect chin and cheekbones with short blonde hair.

To his left was the only female in the group. She was, by comparison to the three blonde males, short and pudgy. She was probably about five and a half feet tall with a slightly noticeable weight.. She had that sort of figure that could only be described as nice to hold, at least until you looked at her face. Much like the rest of her, there was the slightest amount of fat to her face and long dark brown hair, but for all of that, her eyes were the sharpest I'd ever seen. All of them had the same gold as Edythe and myself, but Elena's – a former member of the Volturi, as I'd been told – held a glint of steel to them that was impossible to miss.

Beside her was the only man with dark hair, Cameron. He too, was short when compared to the others – about the same height as his mate. He had short dark brown hair that had an unkempt appearance to it, and was also on a slightly heavier side – though that wasn't to say that he was overweight, just not skinny. Both him and his mate had a very light olive complexion to their skin.

To the right of the one in front were the the two other blondes, both of them were at least as tall as me. The one closest had extremely short hair with an angular face that I was sure some would call handsome but many would consider too, almost elfin, to be considered that way. He was probably my height. The other, who stood slightly back from the rest, was the tallest of the three. His hair was slightly longer, probably stopping at his shoulders, though it was hard to tell for sure as it was kept in what appeared to be a ponytail. He was a little more muscular than the first two, his face a little less defined.

The one in front stepped over to Edythe and kissed her cheek. There was an immediate flash-burn of emotions when I saw him do that. So I clenched my fists and counted to ten as I looked away, imagining something that would get me in trouble if I actually did it. I managed to calm myself and look back over just as the man started to speak.

"Edythe, it's so good to see you again." He looked at me. "And you must be Beau. I'm Taavi, and those are Kirill and Ivan, respectively," He motioned to the one with the elfin face first and then the one with the long hair. "And Cameron and Elena."

I stepped closer to him, holding out my hand in a genial gesture that was a hundred percent insincere. He took it. "It's a pleasure to meet you," I said quietly.

"Well you may be just meeting us for the first time, but I must admit, I feel like I already know you."

As he said the words, I wasn't sure if it was a complement... or something else.

"Well, you're definitely a shield. I'll give you that one. You're shielding yourself from my gift even now," Elena said suddenly, looking at me.

"So I've been told," I muttered the words, but they all heard me.

Elena smiled in a mix of a soothing smile and a wry grin. "Sulpicia used to send me all over the globe looking for talents such as yours and here you are, apparently completely unaware of how unique you are."

"Not completely unaware, just completely unable to control it."

"He can use it for more than just himself though. He shielded me from an attack by Alec," Edythe said.

Kirill stepped over to me suddenly, holding his hand out for me to shake.

I reached forward just as Edythe said, "That's really –" Our hands grasped each other's "– not necessary, Kirill," Edythe finished on a sigh.

"What?" I asked, looking at her.

"Yes, definitely a shield," Kirill said, letting go of my hand as he chuckled.

His words made me remember something I'd been told while I was burning from the change, something about Kirill and electricity. "You were trying to shock me?" I looked at him.

"I was on my low setting. It wouldn't hurt. Much," he explained. "Of course,  _try_  was the operative word with you. Because you clearly didn't feel a thing."

"He doesn't  _have_ a low setting," the third blonde, Ivan, muttered.

Kirill chuckled. "Come on, Beau, let us show you around our home."

As we headed into their house, the first room would probably be described as a foyer by the architect who originally designed the home, but it was massive – more like a grand hallway than a traditional foyer. It stretched out over thirty feet long and at least half that in width. When I looked up, it went all the way up the top of the third story, the windows that had been lain into the wood, speckled natural light and ambiance into the room at different heights and angles. Maybe it was an atrium and not a foyer, after all.

We walked through the room into a living room that – in some ways – reminded me of the Cullens house as, on a raised floor was a grand piano made of a deep mahogany colored wood with gold trim designed on the sides in flowering shapes. It was bigger than the one Edythe had, looking to be almost ten feet long. Beside it, was a beautiful harp with what looked like a gold pillar and crown, and a similar dark brown wooden soundbox and neck to the piano. I couldn't help but stare at both of the instruments.

Edythe noticed my occupation. "That's a custom made concert grand piano by Steinway & Sons. The fact that the Denalis always live here allow them the luxury of owning such an instrument, and the harp behind it is by Louis XV. The two instruments together are worth over half a mil. They're beautiful, aren't they?"

I nodded, still not taking my eyes off of them.

Taavi turned, looking at us both. "Do you play, Beau?"

"Not really, but the instruments are gorgeous." I'd tried to play a little after I'd first been turned and could even play a few basic songs – mostly stuff found in a hymn book that only took a couple fingers on each hand, but more than that and I wasn't really capable of it. I just didn't have the right disposition or patience to play the way Edythe did, nor did I have the right finger type. "Edythe plays though." I was quite sure they already knew that so I wasn't certain why I'd said that.

"Yes, she does. She'll have to play you some music later."

The next room I was led into left me blinking and trying not to say something very inappropriate. The dining room had a gigantic round table with  _thirteen_ chairs around it. The table and the chairs were all very ornate, made of what appeared to be some type of blackwood.

After several seconds of staring, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Why?"

"That table has been with us for several hundred years though many of the chairs were added later. I guess that, for the most part, it's just for show more than anything else," Kirill supplied.

I couldn't keep from looking at the table every few moments, but I tried to absorb the beautiful paintings hung on the walls in gold and iron frames and the vases that were sat on several narrow hall tables sitting against the walls. The vases were elaborate and elegant – as well as old.

We moved from there into a kitchen that was grandiose and state of the art. The counters were solid black onyx and the backdrop of the equipment like the fridge, sink, dishwasher and more were all stainless steel. It was the type of kitchen you'd find in a five star restaurant – not in a house where no one ate, but since the Cullens had an equally state of the art kitchen, I couldn't really say anything.

There was a bathroom, an office, and a library all also on the first floor. Each one was as preposterous in its elegance as the last, with ostentatious furniture that flirted of both age and wealth. Their library had, not hundreds, but thousands of books on numerous book shelves – the office too had an egregious number of books. I could easily live in those two rooms and not leave for years.

When we finally reached the second floor, we went into the first room, which turned out to be Ivan's bedroom. The bedroom was easily as large as two of the bedrooms in the Cullens house. In the center of the bedroom was a king size bed with – you guessed it – black satin sheets. I immediately looked away to keep from commenting on the cliche.

The room had several dressers, a large desk – I wouldn't call it a vanity, though I suspected that's what it actually was – and several paintings on the walls. Many of the paintings were abstract murals, actually reminding me in some ways of the hotel I'd stayed in just before I was turned, but there was one painting of people.

I stepped towards it. There was a single man in the painting with deep burgundy eyes. He was relatively skinny with black hair, including a half beard. He was tall, though, given that it was a painting, I couldn't be sure if he was as tall as me. He wore a scientist coat with a black suit underneath. On his left was a woman paler than him with white-blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that had on a thick fur vest and what appeared to be a skirt made out of a hide of some sort of tan animal. On his right was another woman, but she had dark skin, black eyes, and thick black hair that tumbled down her chest – it was a good thing too, because she had no top on, only a simple leather skirt. And finally, to her right, was a young girl, no more than ten with brown hair, freckles and green eyes in a little blue sundress.

"Who are these people?" I asked.

Ivan stepped up next to me. "This is Joham." He tapped his finger against the man. "He's a very rare type of vampire. We often consider ourselves to be the incubus brothers, because we like to seduce and love women, but you see we're truly not – incubuses that is. He, on the other hand, is. He's a non-venomous vampire with a very special gift – the ability to reproduce. These are his three biological daughters Serena, Maysun, and Jennifer." He tapped the blonde, followed by the topless one, and finally the child. "He has a son too, but I've never met him. This painting is about twelve years old, so Jennifer would be full grown now. I only ever met him and his children the one time."

Ivan paused for a moment, frowning. "I was in London for a couple of weeks on a personal trip. Joham had heard of my brothers and I and what we called ourselves. He sought me out, hoping I was an actual incubus like himself. He wants to see if his children can reproduce with other children like his... and the only effective way to know for sure would be if there were offspring from another out there – as children from born from the same bloodline would be... inconclusive, at best. He envisions himself as a... doctor of sorts, I guess you could say. The truth is though that he'll be lucky if he never gets caught by the Volturi." Ivan shook his head. "I don't really care about him personally, but I do feel sorry for the girls because if the Volturi discover him, then they'll likely be killed as well. I made this painting here after meeting them."

…

There were five more bedrooms of similar size on the second floor, all of them furnished in the same elaborate designs and tastes. There were also two of the largest bathrooms I'd ever seen on the second floor. The third floor consisted of two suites – not bedrooms – suites; complete with massive bedrooms, sun rooms, sitting rooms, giant bathrooms and third floor balconies.

One of them was where Cameron and Elena stayed, while the other was currently empty, but had been where Carine and Earnest had roomed the last time they'd lived with the Denalis.

When we finally made it back down to the first floor Ivan took off while Taavi practically dragged Edythe over to the giant concert piano, singing in an attractive base while Edythe played. The music was beautiful, even more amazing sounding than it had been on the piano back in Forks... Sadly, I was too busy locking emotions tightly away to really enjoy it.

I finally got fed up with watching it and walked off, finding my way back to the office, where I found Elena looking over some fancy parchment paper. It was the type of paper I imagined you'd see people in the government and parliamentary using.

It wasn't until she moved one of the pages that the scent hit me.

"Those are from Sulpicia?" I asked, my voice quizzical.

Elena glanced up at me. "Yes. She sent me a missive about an unfortunate event that occurred not that long ago."

"Hmmm." It was noncommittal on purpose. The last thing I wanted was to sound too curious about anything to do with Volterra.

"Yes, they're last human receptionist –" she looked down at her paper "– Gavin, betrayed them all. It's strange because I'm sure Sulpicia vetted his mind before she let him come on to work for them. But apparently he convinced one of the oldest and most respected members of the guard, Mele, to go with him on a supposed recruitment run. Apparently it was a trap though as Mele's eyeless head was returned back to them by courier with a note from the Romanians about how they should keep better track of their pets. Apparently, the note also advised that the rest of her body had been burned to ashes. It's a saddening waste."

"It sounds awful," I said, my voice coldly numbs. But the words, at least, weren't a lie – it truly did sound awful.

…

When I made my escape from the house a couple hours later, making an excuse that I was wanting to go hunt, I didn't  _initially_  notice that I was being followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, the same way that Stephenie Meyer kept a few characters with their original gender, I kept Joham and his hybrid children their same gender, though I did make one slight change to Joham. There are many reasons for this. As always, reviews are loved.
> 
> P.S. Were you paying attention?


	4. Chapter 3 - Motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 3 – Motives**

"So," a voice called from behind me. "What's it like, loving a shifter?"

I spun to see Kirill, standing a few feet behind me in a pose that would look far more casual if he was leaning against a tree.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your mate, Edythe, has called a few times about you in these last couple of months. She says you claim to have moved on with your life without her, that you're dating one of the shape-shifters that you have moved in with. So, what's it like to love a shifter?"

"It isn't like that." And it wasn't. Julie was my best friend, and while I wouldn't deny that I cared for her, deeply even – I wasn't in love with her, nor was I in a relationship with her. It was just that La Push was my only option left.

"Then why are you with her?"

"Because I can't be with Edythe," I spat the words angrily.

"Why not?"

"She deserves better."

Kirill looked at me speculatively. "What makes you believe there's better out there than you?"

My reply was instantaneous and honest. "Because she's good." I didn't bother to say the implied,  _I'm not._

His eyes narrowed slightly and then they shifted away looking off in the distance. He casually walked up until he was standing beside me. "Did you know that I'm the oldest amongst my siblings?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I was changed by Sampson sometime around 400 AD. I've lived through and seen things that many others never have. I doubt even the Volturi have seen the kind of things that I have. They simply couldn't have – given the way they live in their high castle and pretend to be saints. I can actually think of only a few vampires who've been around more than me. I suspect you may know two of them yourself. I don't need you to confirm it. Taavi, an actual descendant of Sampson's, was changed by him almost a hundred years after me, and Ivan, a good fifty years after that.

"We all loved Sampson. He was our maker, and he was this brilliant light of sorts... to all of us. Sadly, in 1196, he did something that we were unaware of. He turned a young child that was a mere three years old, Valerie. He kept the child a secret, not only from the Volturi, but from us as well. He managed to to hide the child for almost an entire two years. I have no clue how. Of course, you know what happened when the Volturi discovered the existence of the immortal girl. It was because of that event that we changed our diet. But what you likely don't know, is what happened immediately after they destroyed him.

"My brothers and I initially plotted our revenge. We contemplated many methods of how to kill Alec, how to kill Jane, how to kill Sulpicia... I must admit, we were overtly theatrical about all of our ideas. Eventually, we gave up our ideas." He sighed. "Not because we wanted to, but because we didn't have the talents we would need to pull such a thing off." He looked at me. "Our species is very instinctively based, in spite of the fact that we're a hundred times smarter than a human – or possibly because of it. It is not  _wrong_  for our species to seek out revenge. It's in our nature. It's something that all of us, who've lived long enough, feel at some point.

"Maybe it's because our mate is killed, or our maker... Maybe it's because we see some great injustice... Maybe it's because someone we love is hurt... Or perhaps they're just threatened. Whatever the case may be, Beau, when we seek out revenge, it's purely natural."

His words hit a cord, but I shook my head, because he was  _wrong_. I hadn't done the thing I'd done because of revenge. _I hadn't._

He arched an eyebrow, before reaching out and grabbing my shoulder. "Everyone in that house knows you killed your first human. For her. To save her life. The question is. Did you kill someone else for her too?" He looked back out at the Alaska terrain. "Come, let's hunt."

…

The hunting trip was uneventful. Unlike Jules, Kirill didn't monitor my every movement – he'd been hunting himself.

It did give me time to think a lot of things through... I wondered to myself that if perhaps what I'd done had been natural, even if it hadn't been about revenge? Did that make it  _slightly_ more acceptable? I knew it was unforgivable... but was it something that could be looked beyond if I did tell Edythe the truth?

I wasn't sure, and I knew I wasn't going to tell her what I'd done yet. But... It gave me hope. At least a little bit.

When we headed back to the house, he told me that if I ever wanted to come live in Denali, I could. I nodded my thanks at the offer, though I knew I wouldn't accept it. I had a home. Be it with the Cullens or with the wolves

Once we were back at their giant house, I sought out Edythe, who I found upstairs in one of the bedrooms on the second floor. I stepped up beside her, looking out the window with her and stared out at the giant firs and pine trees that covered the landscape – many of them in excess of two hundred feet tall. In the backdrop behind the trees I could see the giant mountain range, that – in spite of it being the dead of summer – was still more white than brown or green.

"It's beautiful here," I murmured.

"Yes, this area of Alaska, in spite of this giant mansion, is relatively untouched by man. It's left it mostly in it's natural order," she agreed.

I looked at Edythe out of the corner of my eye. "And none of it is as beautiful as you," I said softly.

"What?" She turned to look at me, her voice completely shocked.

I turned so I was facing her, in turn. "I... don't know what I'm doing. And I'm sorry for that. So sorry. I've lost my way somewhere, lost my step. I'm not sure how to make it back to that path... But, I miss you, Edythe. So much."

She looked into my eyes, looking for something that I wasn't sure she would find, but hoped it was there. "Please... Promise me this is for real. Promise me this isn't the mountains talking." What she said was more of a breath than actual words.

"Yes, I promise, Edythe."

She stepped closer to me, her feet almost on top of mine as she leaned forward and I leaned down in turn.

I don't know who kissed who. Her lips were on mine, our lips moving together, our tongues fighting for dominance in an entirely new way. She pressed me backwards with her hands, walking with me. My back hit the wall and then her hands were in my hair.

I pick her up around the back of her legs, so I could stand up straight as we continued kissing, our lips never parting. She wrapped her legs around my hips.

Somewhere, either below me or in my head, I heard a chuckle. I wasn't sure if it was Kirill, or some mental imagination of Archie. I ignored it.

Her hands slipped under my shirt, and as our lips parted briefly, she yanked it off. Then her lips were on mine again as I let my hands slide up under her shirt, feeling her smooth as satin skin with my fingers, just barely tracing up the side of her rib cage. I was about to touch her breasts when she moaned softly, her hips gyrating the slightest bit that I realized what we were doing.

Everything came back into sharp focus. I pulled back from her lips, my hands dropping back to her hips, grabbing and holding her in such a way that she wouldn't feel exactly how heady the lust was that was running between us. And that was what it was – lust.

"Edythe, we need to stop," I barely managed to make myself say the words that I really didn't want to.

Edythe looked up at me, a painful look in her eyes. "Why?"

"Because, if we continue like this right now..." I shook my head. "I know this isn't how you really want things to happen."

She sighed and pulled herself away from me.

…

The next two days passed in a blur. I got to know the five Denalis in that time – or I got to know four of them, anyways.

Kirill was an enigma. He was probably one of the most interesting mixes of strangely aloof and intensely intimate that I had ever met. In his eyes, one could see the world if they only looked hard enough. He told me stories about history, only it wasn't vampire history, it was history of other beings – werewolves and witches.

Ivan and I talked a few times, and in that short amount of time, two things became clear. The first, he blamed me for Lauren's death and didn't like me very much. The second, he couldn't have possibly been her mate. There was just something that wasn't there. In spite of his anger towards me, there was no fire for revenge, no desire to die, no real attachment at all... It also turned out that the vast majority of the paintings in the house were his creation.

Elena, who was about fifty years younger than Carine, was very interesting. She showed me artifacts and items that she had taken with her when she'd left the Volturi behind, telling me the history behind a couple of the vases that were in the dining room, pointing out one in particular that I hadn't initially noticed because of how plain it was was – a simple clay bowl with no paint or art of any kind – but as she pointed it out to me, she explained that it had actually been made by Alec and Jane when they'd been human. When I'd asked why she had it and not them, she explained that the item had meant nothing to the twins – explaining that the two were smart and very knowledgeable of the law, but that they had little concern for it in reality. They'd apparently only been twelve at the time they'd been turned, technically both considered adults back in that time period, but the reality was that they probably should have been a few years older before they were turned. She had explained there youth – the early stage of puberty – was a large part of why they were so vindictive.

Then there was Cameron. He was compassionate and empathetic in a way that reminded me far too much of Earnest. He was also the one that played the harp, which he demonstrated with extreme efficiency as Taavi sat at the piano and played. It turned out that Taavi was as good of a piano player as Edythe.

While with Taavi, the clear leader of the coven, I couldn't say I honestly made any headway with. Perhaps, if I'd come on my own, I might have actually like him... I didn't know. Unfortunately, every time I was in the room with him I just really wanted to smash his face in, let it heal, and do it all over again. And though I wasn't unfamiliar with violent desires anymore, it was a whole different kind of violence that I wanted this time.

After being there for the better part of three days, we left. The flight home was better as Edythe didn't tense up every time someone walked by. In fact, it felt light, hopeful even... At least it did to me.

We were driving back to Forks from Seattle in her Volvo and I was just about to tell her that I was ready to come home when she opened her mouth.

"I think there's something I should tell you, Beau." Her words were serious.

"What is it?" I asked, immediately on alert.

"There was an ulterior motive for having you go to the Denalis. Everything I said before was absolutely true. The tickets  _were_  about to expire, and I didn't want to offend our cousins... but the truth is that we knew that Victor was going to be in the area because Archie saw him in a vision. I talked with Jules when we discovered it. She was the one that actually suggested the tickets."

I flinched, half freezing in my seat. "So you lied?" They'd  _both lied_ , the feeling of betrayal was immediate.

"I didn't lie. I just didn't tell the whole truth. Beau, I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to lose you, and I'm worried what would happen if you got into a fight with Victor. Please don't blame me for wanting to protect you."

Her words were earnest and heartfelt. So I closed my eyes, counting backwards from ten and focused on letting go of the quick flash of annoyance that her...  _lie of omission,_ caused me. "I don't," I said once I was sure it was an honest answer.

We were quiet for a few minutes and I opened my mouth to tell her what I'd initially planned, but I closed my eyes and looked away instead. In spite of the fact that part of me wanted nothing more than to tell her I wanted to come home... I just couldn't say it anymore. But I desperately wanted her to ask me to come home. I wanted her to tell me  _anything_  that solidified that I wasn't the only one who had felt something while with the Denalis. I needed her to tell me she still loved me or for her to tell me we'd move forward from this. I'd even accept it if she told me to forget Jules, just any sign that there was still hope for us.

That wasn't what she said though when she finally opened her mouth just as we were on the final stretch to Forks. "You need me to move on without you, don't you?"

I closed my eyes, because it wasn't what I wanted at all, but how could I explain to her what I needed from her? If she couldn't understand what I'd been trying to make her see in Alaska, then how would she ever understand anything?

She continued when I didn't reply immediately. "That was what the kiss was about, right? You were saying goodbye right?"

The thing was, that hadn't been a goodbye kiss, and she should have known it. I'd given her a goodbye kiss before. If she couldn't tell the difference then what hope was there? I'd also  _promised_ her it was real.

So, in spite of it killing me, I said what she obviously wanted to hear. "Yes."

Part of me knew, if I could shed tears still, I would... because leaving and her moving on wasn't what I wanted at all.

…

The last ten minutes of the drive were pure torture, and as she pulled into the Cullen drive, I was out of the car before she had it completely stopped.

"Beau," she called.

In spite of every instinct screaming at me to take off before she dug the knife any deeper, I couldn't stop myself from turning toward her.

"If.. if Jules ever imprints or you ever change your mind... then you know how to find me."

Some part of my mind realized it was the life raft that I'd desperately wanted fifteen minutes ago. But it was too little and far too late, as every belief that I could never be good enough, and every doubt in her was back in full.

So I nodded mutely before I spun and raced away, heading straight to the little cabin that was mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: First and foremost, sorry. But this story is rated T... besides, you didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?
> 
> I'm also unhappy that the chapter is so short, but it's where it needs to stop.
> 
> Finally, for anyone who was paying attention that has read the Official Guide. You may have noticed I changed some of the facts for the Denali brothers. According to the Guide, they were all changed in the early 1000s AD, while Sasha was changed sometime in the 900s AD. Sasha was then supposedly killed in the early 1000s AD, after creating Vasilii. It was because of the loss of their creator that they stopped killing humans. Yet there was one point that A) I know that Edward told Bella that they were over a thousand years old (either one of the books, an excerpt, or one of the movies) and B) they had supposedly been traditional incubus vampires for a long time before they switched to vegetarians, not just a few years. So as a result, I made them all older than the Guide. I also changed who was created first – there are several reasons for that change that you'd have to be in my head to understand.


	5. Chapter 4 - Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: Chapter is opening with a flashback.

**Chapter 4 – Nature**

I'd been staying at the cabin for just over two weeks when Edythe had shown up there. I hadn't expected her to come looking for me. I truly hadn't, even though I knew she loved me.

It had been the hardest part of what I'd tried to sort out while I'd been in Europe, of course. I knew she loved me and I knew I loved her, but I rarely saw what defined that love – on either side. We'd both made mistakes after I'd been changed, we'd both expected more of the other than we should have, we'd both sought something from the other that we weren't fully prepared to give.

When I'd been human, what my blurry memories had allowed me to focus on with her, had been the idea of the avenging angel – from the first day in class when she glared at me to when she saved my life, first from a van, and then later from a group of criminals. Throughout it all, she'd been  _more than_  – for lack of a better word – human.

Then I became a vampire, and those first few weeks after I'd become a vampire had been close to perfect. The problem was that as weeks passed and became months, Edythe was still, in many ways, treating me like glass – and not just Edythe, but the whole family. I'd lived my whole human life as a relatively independent person. It wasn't Renee that took care of me, I'd been the one to take care of her, to pay the bills, to make the food, to organize the plans for her – too numerous to mention – harebrained schemes. And when I'd moved up to Forks, Charlie had been a little more self aware, a little more capable, but he'd still needed  _me_  to do the cooking. I'd still been more of the caretaker than the dependent.

I had never, as a human, lived in a world where I required or even wanted any kind of a codependent relationship. I'd never lived in a family unit. The Cullens though, were a family unit; a well working and oiled machine with seven individual gears that ground together to make a whole. From Royal's unique personality to Eleanor's vibrance for life to Carine's infinite wisdom and Earnest's unending love to the numerous gifts of Edythe, Archie, and Jessamine. Then they'd tried to add me as an eighth gear, but I wasn't used to being a single gear in part of a larger unit – and I'd had no clue how to get used to it.

To me, when they told me I couldn't be alone yet, and when they insisted on doing everything with me all the time, I'd ultimately been unable to match what they were doing as belonging to a show of love. It hadn't made sense, consciously, with how I'd always lived before.

I'd always known it wasn't their fault though, it was mine, I was the one that had  _always_  been in the wrong. I was always the odd man out. It was why I'd tried to lock it away and keep it tamped down, at least while I was with one of them. I usually succeeded, when I was with Edythe, as she always brought out the best in me.

It was during the hours that I was alone in the room that they'd given me, that I'd had doubts and concerns, that I'd give in to the monster in my head that told me they didn't trust me.

But, though I hadn't quite been able to accept Edythe truly loved me, I had been able to see her concern and her passion for me. I knew she  _cared_  for me, and I'd always known that I wanted her forever – and not because she was beautiful or rich – but because she was the best part of my life and she was so good and pure. I'd always known she was beautiful on the inside, in spite of her own beliefs of possibly being soulless.

But then they'd left and those doubts and concerns had had four months of uninterrupted festering. I didn't even dare imagine what would have happened to them if they'd returned before Sam had found me... If they'd returned before I'd formed a bond with Jules. That, of course, was a large part of what I couldn't explain to any of them. Jules hadn't only saved my life. She'd saved theirs too. I knew that without a doubt. I'd seen how monstrous I really was in Europe.

It was why I hadn't returned to Edythe though, because I knew how good she was, from the inside out... and I couldn't taint that – especially not without her consent. But for her to truly accept me, she'd have to know what I'd done, and all I could see her doing if I told her was hating me and leaving me again. And while I knew I should tell her anyways, that she deserved the right to make that decision, that that would be for the best, I couldn't do it. Because I knew, if she left, I wouldn't follow as I didn't have any right to. And if she wasn't here then I couldn't protect her. Victor was out there still, but even more frightening than Victor was the reality that if my actions were discovered by the wrong party than she'd need my unique brand of protection if she was aware of what I'd done – even though I still couldn't figure out how I'd made my shield expand outside of myself the first time.

It was why I wasn't ready to see Edythe, because I knew I couldn't give her that someday yet. I wasn't sure I'd actually ever be able to, but I definitely knew I wasn't ready yet. It was why I was so shocked to see her. I'd given her no indication at that point that I was ready to.

Still, when she walked in the door, it was as if everything righted itself, at least for a minute. "Edythe... I love you." The words were out before I'd had a chance to console my mind on that decision – but it was the complete truth, even if I wasn't with her, I  _knew_  that I loved her. It was about the only thing I was a hundred percent certain of.

She smiled even as she looked around the cabin. "I love you too," she said softly.

I knew what she was seeing as she looked around the cabin. It was in  _bad_ shape. There were a couple of cracks where the ceiling met the walls, the wood wasn't entirely together the way it should be, even the roof leaked when it was raining. It wouldn't be inhabitable, if I was human... but I  _wasn't_  human.

"You should come home, Beau."

"Haven't you been told that this is my jail for the time being?" I knew she had been, because Jules had become surprisingly chummy with the Cullens during the time I'd been in Europe. Oh, Jules claimed it was all to stop Victor, but I wasn't a fool. If Jules didn't actually like them, at least a little, she wouldn't be going there, at all.

"Yes, Julie has made us aware that you are jailed here for the time being – unless you decide to come home. So why haven't you come home?"

"Because –" and for half a second, I considered telling her – I truly did – but then I remembered the crushing pain the letter had caused the last time she'd left and I rejected the idea "– I'm not there yet. I still need to find some sort of peace or atonement for the things I've done."

"What can you possibly find here that you can't find at home?"

"They're teaching me restraint and control, Edythe. It's not something I can really explain, but it's something that they intimately understand in a way vampires don't. They have to have control, all the time, or they risk losing their tempers and harming people in a moment of weakness. Our kind is ruled by bloodlust, and even though we possess a basic realization that we can't give into it all the time, we do give into it. Any time we hunt, we are ruled completely by instinct. I need to be able to hunt while in a hundred percent control."

"Carine can help you to learn control if you're really worried, Beau, but you're fine. You made a dietary change to human blood and managed to go off of it in less than a month. It took me four years to go back."

She didn't understand though, so I looked away. "It's about more than just bloodlust for me, Edythe. I need this. Just give me time."

"You can have time at home."

I flinched. I'd been trying to have time at the Cullens house – for a different reason, of course – when they'd left the first time. "Perhaps you should move on without me, Edythe. I can't give you what you're looking for right now."

– – –

The door to the little cabin opened, pulling me out of my memory, and I looked up. Julie was there.

"Julie, what are you doing here?"

Her reaction wasn't exactly what I was expecting, though I shouldn't have been surprised given how well she got me. "You aren't supposed to be here." She looked closer at me, probably noting the state I was in. "What did she do?" Her words, this time, were a growl.

"It's what I did, not her. I made a mistake." My voice was cold, monotone, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for treating my only friend badly, hated myself for the fact that I couldn't give her the relationship she wanted, and I hated myself for hating her being there – in that moment, it wasn't her I wanted in that doorway, it was Edythe.

She came in the little cabin, shutting the door.

"I doubt that. What happened?"

"I don't... even really know. I was ready to go home, even though I'm still all kinds of twisted – but something I said, or something I did, sent the wrong message. I have no clue what." I looked away from her and out the little side window. "I admit, I'm not really better. I know my thoughts aren't really right, but I don't know how to let them go. They left, as you know, as you remember – and they left me no real hope that I'd ever see them again. Though I suppose I could have followed them... Archie's suggested in the past that I would have – if I'd never been given that letter. I don't know. I can't see myself having done that. Of course... three months ago, I never would have seen myself taking even one life, so I clearly don't know myself very well.

"Carine apologized for leaving the way they did, and I know she meant it. I know she was honest, but I'm still conflicted about it. I know it was my fault they left, that I have no right to be angry at them, but I am. I can forgive Royal as he's never liked me much to begin with, him and I are pure animosity, and I don't see that ever changing. I guess you could say we're two negative battery posts... Eleanor is easy to forgive, because she's impossible to stay mad at – she's sort of like you in that respect. I can forgive Jessamine as I need her skills, and I know it's a horrible reason to forgive someone, but it's all I got. I don't blame Edythe, at all, as I said, it was my fault to begin with. Carine and Earnest I'm not angry with anymore, but they're hard for me to forgive, because they both should have known how bad an idea it was...

"Then there's Archie, who – to some extent – I can forgive, because it's not his fault he relies so heavily on his visions. He's so used to them, that it's natural for him. I can get that, sort of. But, he wasn't there when I did what I did in Europe. He  _should_  have been there, or sent Edythe, or  _something_. He should have stopped me. And I know it's wrong to think that. I asked him not to look for my future, so it's my own fault, again, but he told me in the past that he was attuned to me and visions just sometimes come. So why wasn't he there? Did he see me do that and just think it was ignorable? Or what?" It was what I hadn't put into even a solidly formed thought before.

She stepped over to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. "You're wrong. Them leaving was  _their_ fault, not yours." She kept talking even as I shook my head in denial of her first words. "You said you were ready to go home with her. Why didn't you tell her?"

"I was about to. Then she admitted that you and her had plotted together to get me out of town – that  _neither_  of you told me why you really wanted me gone." I turned my head to glare at Jules, but there was no heat in the glare, as I'd said, I couldn't really stay mad at her. Besides, I wasn't angry at Edythe about it either. In the grand scheme of things, it just wasn't that big of a deal. I sighed. "It briefly upset me and I couldn't make myself say the words I'd initially planned, but if she'd asked me to come home, or told me she loved me, or anything... I'd have returned in that instant. It didn't happen."

She let out a short laugh, letting go of my shoulder.

"What are you laughing about?"

She shook her head. "I'm not touching it with a ten-foot pole, Beau. I'm not. You two need to figure out your issues with pertinacity on your own. But Archie, I might be able to help with..." She paused looking at me speculatively. "If you tell me what you did that you think is so bad."

I shook my head. "I don't want to tell you."

"No. You don't want to tell Edythe. We both know that my opinion doesn't matter that much. Lying doesn't work between the two of us, so let's not go down the road of you being worried about my reaction. We may yet have our two minutes, Beau, but you'll never see me the way you do her. Besides, we both know I'm not going to do anything drastic. If that was going to happen, it would have been when you showed up two months ago." She took a breath, looking away. "I can control my thoughts around Edythe, Beau. She'll never know. Neither will my pack... and on the chance they do discover it, I can order them not to think about it."

I looked at her for a moment before I stepped away from her, going out of the cabin. I could hear her following me. She was wrong about one thing though, I truly didn't want to tell her. It was true, I didn't see her the same I saw Edythe, but that didn't mean that I didn't care about her feelings, because I did.

But keeping it to myself was impossibly exhausting, so I spun and faced her as I told her.

…

Jules had walked a little ways away from me, turning her back to me, about halfway through my story. I knew when she did it, that it was so I couldn't see her reaction.

When I'd finally finished, she didn't turn to face me immediately, instead she spoke with her back to me. "Well, I'll give you this one, I'd have never believed you were even capable of it, Beau. And you're right, what you did is definitely the kind of thing I can't forgive... it would go against everything that I am, as a shifter, as a human... and if you'd told me  _that_  – and you know which part I'm referring to – when you'd first come to La Push seeking to die... I might have actually done it, though I'd like to say I wouldn't have.

"But the thing is, I'm pretty sure what you did goes again what you yourself believe in, at the very least the human part of you." She turned toward me again, her eyes were calm. "I could hear your regret, Beau, and I've seen your guilt every single day for two months. So though I can't forgive the action, that doesn't mean we can't move past it. You are more than the sum of your worst moment, Beau. I know that. To err is to be human, surely you haven't forgotten that. So just because, for a moment, you gave into a nature you probably didn't even realize you were capable of... it doesn't make you the bad guy."

"How do I move on from it?" I asked softly.

"You don't move on, because you will always remember – even if you didn't have perfect recall, I'm quite sure you'd never forget  _that_  – instead, you move forward. And if you truly think that Edythe would never understand and accept it – then maybe you move forward in a direction other than her. I get why you're hesitant to tell her now, I do. It sort of goes against what they believe in, doesn't it?"

I nodded mutely.

"As for Archie, I can tell you that he didn't see it. He worked hard to respect your wishes, Beau."

"Okay." I looked past her at the trees, not sure what else to say. Finally, I changed the subject. "So what happened here with Victor while I was in Alaska? Since I haven't heard any cheers, I'm assuming it was yet another fail."

"We caught his scent a few miles north of La Push. It was where Archie scent us as a starting point – the Cullens were waiting for him a little ways south from our starting point. We chased him in that direction... Embrianna managed to race ahead and slam into Victor, it slowed him down almost enough for Lee to get on him and rip him apart, but he's slippery.

"When we caught up with where the Cullens were waiting, he managed to weave around rocks and trees like he'd lived in the area for centuries. He used every ravine, creek and hill to his advantage. If we didn't want him dead so badly, I must admit, I think I'd admire his evasive technique. It's one hell of a gift..." She shook her head. "He managed to get to the ocean and dived in. The Cullens  _could have_ followed him, or at least tried, but it's my understanding that fighting underwater doesn't exactly work very well."

I would have laughed at the visual her words provided, except something else struck me that she'd said. " _Maybe_ it is a gift. As in a supernatural talent. It would explain why he's so hard to kill."

"You think that could be a talent?" She asked, curious.

"Well, it's basically the opposite of what his mate did. His mate could find people, so I don't think it's really out of the realm of reality that he could avoid people."

"Ugh, I'm really starting to hate all of your gifts," she grumbled before lapsing into silence for a minute before she let out a little grunt that sounded disturbed. "There's something I've been avoiding telling you for awhile. It's completely unrelated to Victor, but it's still something you really should know. I didn't tell you before because the Cullens didn't want you to worry, but as I said, lying doesn't work for us. Wait here."

She went back to the cabin, stepping inside for only a couple of seconds before coming back out with a rolled up newspaper. She unrolled it and handed it to me. It was a Seattle Post-Intelligencer paper. The title on the front page read:

**DEATH TOLL RISES**

I looked at Jules.

"Trust me, Beau. Read it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, really quick. In the Twilight saga, Leah was a little smaller, and as a result, faster – all because she was the only female in the pack. The opposite is true here. Lee is a little bit bigger and a little stronger than the other shifters, because he is a guy. That being said, Embrianna is the fastest in Jules' pack and Jaelyn the fastest in Sam's.


	6. Chapter 5 - Imprint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 5 – Imprint**

**DEATH TOLL RISES**

**Seattle, once home to the most prolific convicted serial killer in United States, Gary Ridgway, the Green River Killer, may now be home to another.**

**The police are not calling the recent rash of homicides and disappearances the work of a serial killer. Not yet, at least. They are reluctant to believe so much carnage could be the work of one individual. This killer – if, in fact, it is one person – would then be responsible for 64 linked homicides and disappearances within the last four months alone. In comparison, Ridgway's 48-count murder spree was scattered over a 21-year period. If these deaths can be linked to one man, then this is the most violent rampage of serial murder in American history.**

**The police are leaning instead toward the theory that gang activity is involved. This theory is supported by the sheer number of victims, and by the fact that there seems to be no pattern in the choice of victims.**

**From Jack the Ripper to Ted Bundy, the targets of serial killings are usually connected by similarities in age, gender, race, or a combination of the three. The victims of this crime wave range in age from 15-year-old honor student Arthur Reed, to 67-year-old retired postwoman Opal Jenks. The linked deaths and disappearances include a nearly even 33 women and 31 men. The victims are racially diverse: Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics and Asians.**

**The selection appears random. The motive seems to be killing for no other reason than to kill.**

**So why even consider the idea of a serial killer?**

**There are enough similarities in the modus operandi to rule out unrelated crimes. Every victim discovered has been burned to the extent that dental records were necessary for identification. The use of some kind of accelerant, like gasoline or alcohol, seems to be indicated in the conflagrations; however, no traces of any accelerant have yet been found. All of the bodies have** **been carelessly dumped with no attempt at concealment.**

**More gruesome yet, most of the remains show evidence of brutal violence – bones crushed and snapped by some kind of tremendous pressure – which medical examiners believe occurred before the time of death, though these conclusions are difficult to be sure of, considering the state of the evidence.**

**Another similarity that points to the possibility of a serial killer: every crime is perfectly clean of evidence, aside from the remains themselves. Not a fingerprint, not a tire tread mark, nor a foreign hair is left behind. There have been no sightings of any suspect in the disappearances.**

**Then there are the targets themselves – hardly low profile by any means. None of the victims are what could be viewed as easy targets. None are runaways or the homeless, who vanish so easily and are seldom reported missing. Victims have vanished from their homes, from a fourth-story apartment, from a health club, from a wedding reception. Perhaps the most astounding: 30-year-old amateur boxer Roberta Walsh entered a movie theater with a date; a few minutes into the movie, the man realized that she was not in her seat. Her body was found only three hours later when fire fighters were called to the scene of a burning trash Dumpster, twenty miles away.**

**Another pattern is present in the slayings: all of the victims disappeared at night.**

**And the most alarming pattern? Acceleration. Five of the homicides and disappearances were committed in the first month, thirteen in the second, twenty in the third. There have been twenty-eight in the last three weeks of this fourth month alone. And the police are no closer to finding the responsible party than they were after the first charred body was discovered.**

**The evidence is conflicting, the pieces horrifying. A vicious new gang or a wildly active serial killer? Or something else the police haven't yet conceived of?**

**Only one conclusion is indisputable: something hideous is stalking Seattle.**

The date on top of the paper was from two days ago. "What is this, Jules?" I asked after I finished reading the article. The things that were mentioned as the cover up for the murders sounded like something I was supposed to understand, but I felt that I was missing something big.

"According to the Cullens, it's newborns doing that. They're not sure why someone would be turning vampires and just letting them run around uncontrolled. I suggested it was Victor. After all, you and I both know that he's created vampires before... but Archie was certain it couldn't be him. Archie's been watching his future heavily, I guess."

"Archie may miss the occasional thing, but if there's this much damage and he hasn't seen Victor involved, then I'd agree. Even though the kills themselves are generally pure instinct. There  _is_ decision involved. There's decision involved when someone chooses to bite and not kill. There's also decision involved if they're doing it in such a large city. Whoever it is, is obviously looking for optimal damage, though the real question is to what end? I mean, yeah, Seattle has over half a million people living in it... but what's the purpose?" I frowned thoughtfully.

"The Cullens have been asking that as well. I don't think they've figured out an answer yet though." Jules grimaced. "I've been monitoring the progression since they first told me what was going on in Seattle. Sam and I have discussed going there and taking care of the problem. Unfortunately, a bunch of giant wolves running around the streets of Seattle is going to be  _noticed._ "

"It would be better if the Cullens and I went and handled it. We'll blend in better. It would be better still if the Volturi would actually do their job and take care of the problem." I shook my head. Suddenly I regretted what I'd done a whole lot less. Apparently they really were as useless as my acquaintances had insinuated.

"What are you thinking?" Jules suddenly asked.

"Nothing." I sighed. "I don't know how much use I'd actually be in a tactical attack. It's not really my forte."

Jules snorted and I knew why, but she was wrong.

"That... was a one time deal, Jules. I could never do it again. I was acting on something that I don't normally feel or do – something that I still don't truly understand."

She narrowed her eyes but didn't reply.

"So, is there anything I can help with?" I asked, changing the subject.

Suddenly she grinned, a positively evil glint in her eyes. "As a matter-of-fact, there is."

…

I'd followed her willingly through the forest until she told me what she wanted me to do. I stopped cold as I blinked. I was sure I'd heard her wrong.

"You want me to do  _what_?" I asked to verify.

"Come back to the house with me for dinner."

"I don't eat food, Jules," I stated – just in case she'd forgotten – staring at her like she'd lost her mind as she turned to look at me.

"I know that." She rolled her eyes. "But do you know how crazily annoying it is to be stuck in that house while Adam and Paula suck face. It's supposed to be a good thing having my brother home. But he'd drive a monk to drinking."

"Isn't that pretty typical for a sibling?" I asked.

She gave me a dirty look. "Besides, Bonnie's at Charlie's today. So it's just Adam and Paula in the house. I want some of my own company for a change."

"Jules –"

She cut me off. "Don't start. We owe it to ourselves to have our two minutes and you know it. Come on. Stay the day with me."

The words, the reminder, of why I'd followed her to La Push back two months ago gave me a brief pause, but then I sighed, and I followed her anyways as she continued to her house.

She was right about one thing. We did owe it to each other. I just wasn't sure that was a good enough reason to be with her. In the last three months I had come to understand one thing about how I felt about Julie – and that was the fact that there was a difference between between loving someone and being  _in love_ with someone. I'd actually always known that. But somehow, with Julie, it had gotten confused. I hadn't looked it up, hadn't wanted to, but I was relatively certain that a psychologist would call what I felt for her as hero worship.

In spite of what I'd realized about myself, it didn't change the fact that a small part of me saw her as something more than just a friend... but I now knew I  _shouldn't_. And for all that, I knew I would give Jules what she wanted, because I didn't know what else to do... Because at the end of the day, she was the one that was always there.

When we made it to her house, it was to find Paula and Adam, as Jules had so eloquently put it, sucking face on the couch. Actually... it was closer to doing the horizontal tango with their clothes still on – Eleanor would have been so proud of my ingenuitive mind at that moment.

"Isn't there a better place for you to do that?" My mouth had opened before I'd had the chance to consult it.

Beside me, Jules chuckled.

Adam looked over at me and then his eyes narrowed even as his heart rate sped up – either in fear or anger, it was hard to say. "What are you doing here?"

"He's  _my friend_ , and frankly he's more welcome here than Paula is. You know that we can't afford to have her eating us out of house and home the way she does."

While Jules had been half shouting at her brother, they'd managed to sit up on the couch.

"Why don't you just go get laid, Julie," Paula stated, but the heat that had been in her voice even two months prior wasn't there any longer. She wouldn't do anything to hurt Adam. Everyone already had a very visual reminder of how  _that_  would end up working out anytime anyone looked at Elliott. As she glanced at me, she suddenly laughed loudly, like she'd told the best joke ever.

I should have seen Jules next move coming, but I hadn't.

Jules took the three steps to the little couch and she hauled off with a punch that would have made a boxer proud. The resounding snap as her fist met Paula's nose and the bone broke made me flinch slightly. Almost immediately, the smell of freshly spilling blood infused through the air. Blood that smelled like rotten leaves and maggots – but still.

"Ow," Paula grumbled, reaching up and straightening her nose.

I yanked Julie back to me, spinning her to face me and shaking her once to make sure she got my point as I spoke, "Do you really think it's a good idea to be spilling blood intentionally around a vampire?"

I heard Adam's fearful intake of breath, but I didn't even glance his way.

"You want to eat her? Go for it. I won't even bat an eye about it." She jerked away from me and spun around stomping to her small bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I swear vampires cause less drama than your kind does."

Paula opened her mouth.

I held up one finger and glared at them both. "You are still bleeding, so if you don't want to find out if Jules was bluffing about her being okay with me eating you, I suggest you don't snark. And you." I pointed at Adam. "Stop trying to get a rise out of your sister and testing her patience every chance you get. Paula may never hurt you because of your imprint bond, but your sister might. She  _is_  a shifter too and she does have a temper." I turned and started to head to Jules' room, but stopped. "One more thing, do us all a favor and go to Paula's house for awhile or something."

I went to Julie's room, opening the door and going inside the tiny shoe-box sized room.

"I wasn't bluffing," she said immediately from where she was laying on her back on the bed as I shut the door and sat lightly on the end.

"Yes, you were."

"No, I –" she broke off as I turned my head to glower at her "– okay, maybe a little bit." She held up her hand, spreading her thumb and forefinger about two millimeters apart. "But they're driving me nuts, Beau."

"You do realize that's probably part of why they do it here, right?"

"Humph."

I looked away. "I should go back to the cabin, Jules. It's wrong for me to be here like this and we both know it."

"Don't start that already, Beau." She sat up and grabbed one of my hands. "What's the point in you being at that little cabin all by yourself?"

"Edythe might change her mind."

"And then what? Let's say she calls you right here and now – I can see your cell phone in your pocket. What happens if you go there and tell her the truth? You would have told her two months ago if you thought for even half of a second that she could accept it. She can't. And on the off chance that I've misjudged her character completely... there are six other members of that family. Do you think you can tell her without them finding out?"

"They aren't what I'm worried about," I whispered.

"Really? Then you're okay with tearing their unit apart? I'll freely admit that Carine and Earnest would forgive you. But do you really need to give Royal  _more reasons_  to hate you? And Jessamine... she's interesting after I get past all those scars." She shuddered slightly. "But she's all about protecting Archie, specifically. There's no way she'd be okay with what you've done."

I sighed. I hated her for forcibly spelling out all my concerns. Especially when I knew I'd never told them to her.

"You know, Beau, I'm not saying it's wrong to be in love with Edythe. If it weren't for the fact that she keeps hurting you, I wouldn't even think of her being all that bad for you. She's really not bad, for a bloodsucker anyways. But she's never come for you, Beau, at least not since you've been human. None of them have – except Archie and that was only after he thought you were dead and gone."

"Even if all what your saying is true... there's no way for us to really be in an intimate relationship, Jules. It's not fair to you for me to hold you back like this."

"Whether you were meant to be my imprint or not... Something that I still suspect I might have been. You are imprinted on my heart. I know you aren't in love with me, but I can't say the same in reverse. So I'll take what I can get."

I flinched. "Honestly, that doesn't make me feel any better, Jules."

"It's my problem. Not yours." She closed her eyes and pressed her head to the hand that she was still holding. "Beau, I'll never stop you, if you decide to go back to Edythe and try. But one thing you should think about before you do that is the fact that there might not be enough pieces of you for me to pick up if she destroys your life again." She stopped for a moment, but then continued so softly that I knew I wouldn't have heard the pained words if I'd still been human. "And I don't think I have what it takes to physically destroy you if you truly lose it."

I closed my eyes. "Okay," I said the word but I wasn't certain what I was really agreeing to with her.

She let go of my hand and fell back on her bed.

…

I sat on her bed for a couple of hours as she relaxed on her bed, neither of us speaking. It was comfortable, for us. But still, I wondered... how far would I really go with her. And even more... how much of it was for her sake, and how much was for mine. And perhaps, most important of all, which of us was going to end up being destroyed more by us even trying to have a relationship when it did finally end?

My cell phone rang without warning and I yanked it out of my pocket. In spite of myself, I couldn't help but hope it was Edythe.

It wasn't. It was Archie.

I was tempted to hit end and not answer, but it could be one of the other members of the house using his phone for some strange reason... "Hello?" I said as I hit the green button on the phone.

"You need to come home and see this. Now. Bring Julie," Archie said, and then the line went dead.

Jules was looking at me in confusion as I brought the phone down from my ear. I shrugged, mystified.


	7. Chapter 6 - Switzerland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 6 – Switzerland**

When we got to the Cullens house it was to find an argument in full swing.

"Why did you even call him?" Royal snarled.

"The boy was Beau's friend, Royal," Archie responded just as angrily.

"He doesn't have a right to be concerned about the humans in his old life, anymore. That's one of the many  _perks_ of being a vampire."

Jules looked at me in shock at Royal's words.

"Enough," Carine said loudly.

I headed inside the house through the front door then, not wanting to give it a chance to start back up. Jules was right behind me.

"Exactly who was my friend?" I asked.

Everyone turned to look at me. Royal and Archie were standing toe to toe, both of their faces set in scowls – at least until Archie saw me, then his face relaxed... even as Royal's scowl became more pronounced. Eleanor was sitting on the couch and I was relatively sure that, if she'd been human, she would have been munching on a bowl of popcorn while they'd been arguing. Jessamine was leaning against the wall, and Carine and Earnest were further back, both of their postures concerned.

Edythe was the furthest from everyone and the guilt of what I'd agreed to with Julie as well as my secrets – I was more certain than ever – that I could never tell her, had me looking down and away from her almost immediately. After all, even Jules had seen it as being unforgivable.

Archie darted over to me almost immediately.

"About time you got here," he muttered surreptitiously.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking at Archie.

I could feel Jules at my back and I could sense Edythe staring at me. I refused to acknowledge either, because when it came to them I knew I was in a losing situation. I didn't love Jules and couldn't really be with her in spite of what I'd agreed to, and at the same time, I truly couldn't be with Edythe. Any hope I'd had that we could work it out had been snuffed out.

"We haven't been telling you about something going on Seattle, but..." Archie trailed off.

"I'm aware that there are newborns in Seattle. Jules told me."

Eleanor almost immediately did a little fist pump even as Jessamine's teeth came together. I looked between the two of them. I tried not to, but it was impossible for my eyes to not see where Edythe stood or the pained expression on her face as she looked at me... and more specifically at Jules who stood behind me. I looked down.

Thankfully, Archie decided to ask my question for me. "Do you two ever  _not_ gamble?"

"Nope," Eleanor stated proudly.

I shook my head, then focused back on Archie. "So, what about Seattle?"

Suddenly Archie, the one who'd called me, didn't know what to say. He looked away from me, looking at the other Cullens for a suggestion.

It was Royal that spoke up, finally. "Allen Weber has disappeared in Seattle."

My eyes snapped to him. Royal wasn't quite as coolly aloof as his voice would lead one to believe. He looked troubled – saddened even.

"What do you mean he's disappeared?"

Royal opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, and then he suddenly shrugged and turned on his heel, quickly heading out the siding glass doors.

Eleanor got up. "I should follow him," she murmured and then she took off after him.

I blinked in confusion.

"He moved to Seattle this last winter after graduating early. I guess he hadn't called his dad in about a week, so his dad filed a missing person's report. There was an article in the Forks Forum today. He's officially listed as missing. It's possible – likely even – that he just ran off or something, but given what is happening in Seattle, there's another possibility."

The words quickly became a soft background. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I recognized it as Edythe telling me this, trying to be gentle about it... but they wouldn't have called me here if any of them believed that Allen had just decided to run away and join the circus or something.

"You think he's dead." I looked directly at Edythe, trying to get confirmation on what she was trying to tell me.

"It's possible..." Her words sounded doubtful.

"But that wouldn't make sense because the bodies have usually been found within a short amount of time. These newborn vampires aren't really trying to hide their handiwork," I mumbled the words, stewing over everything as I looked back down. If he'd gone missing over a week ago... then he shouldn't be missing anymore. My eyes snapped back up. "You think he's been turned?"

"It's a definite possibility," she said softly.

I turned to look at Archie. "Have you seen him?"

He grimaced. "No, but I'm also not at all attuned to him. He's just someone that went to Forks High School to me. And for the short time I was in school after you were turned but before we –" he broke off before throwing in "– well, you remember... I never really bothered to get to know him even then. It would have been suspicious for me to try so soon after your funeral before junior year was over – and by the time senior year started, he was very closed off from everyone. It was true that he still sat with his friends, but he barely talked to them... losing his mom was hard on him."

"So you don't know one way or the other for sure? Is that what I'm hearing?"

"Well, not exactly. I've been getting flickering visions since we first figured out what was going on in Seattle. None of the visions make much sense to me, a red shirt, a tall girl with long dirty blond hair that I can't focus on, someone screaming, maybe some sort of battle, maybe some sort of killing spree... There are so  _many_ different flickers, it's enough to give me a headache – and vampires aren't supposed to get  _headaches_. Yesterday, I saw a really random flicker of you fighting a male vampire. I didn't think anything of it, at the time, the vision barely lasted a tenth of a second and it was very blurry. The vision could have been a hundred years into the future for all I knew. It didn't show  _much_. It wasn't until we read the article about Allen being missing that I started to wonder if the vampire I'd seen hadn't been him." Archie sighed. "I'm not saying it was him, even. I'm just saying that it's a possibility... he looked somewhat similar, but between it being so blurry and the fact that I haven't seen him since last September – well I don't know if he's lost weight or what. I just can't be certain if it was him, or just someone who looked similar, not without more facts."

I shook my head adamantly as I took a step back. "I don't know what you saw, but I wouldn't fight a friend.  _I wouldn't._ " But wasn't that the other reason that I wasn't with Edythe even now? Because more than just being terrified of Edythe's possible hatred of me and afraid that my secrets being out in the open could cause the breakdown of the family unit.. I was petrified that I could just snap and become that monster at any moment and physically hurt one or more of the people I loved the most in the world. It was why I'd stayed with the wolves all this time, so I could learn to have a hundred percent control, a hundred percent of the time.

Jessamine cursed which caused me to look at her, though I instantly wished I hadn't, because she was staring at me intently. Her eyes were narrowed in what – I could only assume – was pain.

"There's no guarantee he'd even remember you," Archie said quickly. "Assuming it even  _was_ him that I saw. Like I said, I'm not sure that it was. My gift isn't a perfect art, and when it's as blurry as what I watched – even more so."

"But you're sure enough that you brought me here to warn me." My mouth shaped the words, and I was sure all the Cullens still in the room could see them perfectly, but there was no voice behind it. I couldn't remember how to breath, couldn't remember why I'd ever returned from Europe. I should have stayed where being a monster wouldn't harm the people I cared about.

I shook my head again and then I spun, racing around Jules and out the same door I originally came in. I'd felt Jules reach out to grab my arm, but I was past her before she got the chance.

I was in the forest line before I started to hear Jules' snarled words. "You really are  _stupid_ vampires. You have no idea what you just –"

And then I was out of hearing range, running as fast as I could, though I knew Jules would be able to find me. She'd know right where I'd go – she was the only one who would – and even though a part of me wanted it to be Edythe who'd find me... I knew it wouldn't be, because she never came.

…

I was standing at the edge of the cliff, looking out at the water. The water was turbulent, to the point of being deadly, at least for a human. Part of me  _wished_  I was still human, at least then I'd know what kind of a person that I really was. I'd know if I could ever trust myself with anyone. I'd thought I was getting there. In the six hunting trips I'd went on with Jules since I'd returned two months ago, she'd only had to hurt me the first two times... and the last time I'd hunted with her, I'd even been able to stop mid-hunt and redirect, but apparently it wasn't enough. Apparently I was just the monster after all.

"You going to jump?" The voice that called out wasn't Jules. I knew his strong masculine voice well, after all, he was the most stoic of my bodyguards.

I didn't turn to look. "Lee."

He stepped up right beside me. "It's an interesting thought, to jump, not for some sport, but to die. Trust me, there are days when – if it could kill either of us – I'd join you."

"You don't mean that." He'd never do that to his dad or his sister.

"Don't I?" His words were muttered darkly enough that I looked at him. "At least you have places you can run to, Beau. I don't have that. I could flee halfway around the world and even then... the first time I shifted I'd still be connected to those who know my shame. I'd still instantly hear the voice of  _someone_  in my head who knows I was too much of a freak to be the imprint to the woman I love. In fact I'm so much of a freak that I gave my  _mom_  a heart attack that killed her. My mom – who was able to walk by you without so much as flinching only a couple of weeks prior to that."

"Lee, it wasn't your fault. Your mother had a heart disease. It's pure luck that seeing me in Sam's house that one time didn't cause the same effect –"

He cut me off. "And if you were in my shoes, what would you believe?"

My mouth snapped shut.

There was deafening silence for a minute before I finally found my voice. "You should talk to Carine, Lee. I read the medical charts that your dad got from the doctors about your mom at Jules' insistence, but I'm not a medical professional. All of my knowledge is purely theoretical. Carine could explain it to you better than I can, but your mother was a... ticking time bomb, for lack of better words, anything could have caused her to pass away. The fact that she was there when both your sister and you shifted might have hastened her death, but she wouldn't have survived another six months, no matter what. She knew it too. That much I got from the charts for sure, the local doctor on the res had informed her of her condition, Lee. Perhaps if she'd wanted to go to a specialist or something, there might have been some sort of treatment out there, but Holly was a proud woman, and she wasn't getting any sort of treatment.

"I suspect – though I can't be certain, of course – that was why she wasn't afraid when she saw me that one time. It's hard to fear death when you already know it's coming for you." I looked back out at the ocean. "At least your mom got to find out you're destined for greatness. I know you love Sam, but perhaps the reason she imprinted on Elliott is because there's someone else out there for you. It seems, with your species especially, that destiny just has to have it's own way."

"Really? Then why are you a vampire, Beau?"

"I'm not Julie's imprint, Lee. In spite of the fact that she wants to believe it... I know that's wrong. I was always supposed to be a vampire."

"Then why are you with us instead of with the Cullens?"

"Because. It's safer."

"It's insane. I'd give anything to be with Sam again and here you are, with us, when your mate is in Forks. I'd almost understand it if you thought, as Julie did, that you were supposed to be her imprint, but you don't think that. So why are you so desperate to be away from the woman you love?"

"Because I can't be with her."

"According to who?"

"According to me." My fists clenched angrily. "My time alone in Europe taught me a lot about myself. I did a lot in my three weeks away – including the fact that I am willing to help torture and destroy a stranger – a vampire who I didn't know, who I hadn't  _really_  ever met." The words were out before I could have stopped them. I shook my head angrily. "And now I just found out that I'm apparently meant to get in a fight with someone who was once my friend. If I can do that type of stuff, then I could hurt the ones I love. I won't let myself be a threat to them."

"But you'll let yourself destroy Julie's life?"

"I wanted to leave two months ago, Lee."

"Then why haven't you?"

"Do you really want to be forced to join Sam's pack so she can chase me down? You know she'd do it. She's got to be the most stubborn person I've ever met."

"You're a vampire, there are plenty of places you could go that she couldn't follow."

"You're right. If I really wanted to hide, there are places I could go that she'd never find me. Mexico, China, back to Volterra... the bottom of the ocean. The thing is, she'd still try – she's the only one that would try – and if I was in one of those places... She'd be hurt. I won't be responsible for that. I won't. She's the one person that wants me enough to actually fight for me. That means  _something_." I placed my hand over my chest. "Here. I can't explain it, fully, but I know Jules loves me and – though I don't feel the same – it does give me strength, hope. I don't exactly see all of you as  _family_ , it's not that strong, but I'd protect any one of you. I'd come to any of your aid. It's far too little, and far too late, but I need the atonement. And helping the pack gives me that."

He didn't say anything for a moment, and when he did, it wasn't what he was expecting. "Mixing love and devotion is a dangerous game, Beau." Lee looked backwards toward the forest. "Jules is coming for you now. Which means it's time for me to go." He gave me a sardonic smile before diving off of the cliff. When he hit the water, he wasn't in his human form any longer.

Moments later, hundreds of pieces of clothing landed on the water.

I wasn't a hundred percent certain what to make of the conversation we'd had, but perhaps there was more of a camaraderie between him and I than I'd originally believed.

"Beau!" Jules shouted loudly from a little ways into the the forest.

I turned to watch her approach.

As she reached me, I knew she could smell that Lee had been here, but she didn't comment on it. Instead she reached forward and took my hand.

"Come with me, I want to show you something."

…

We ended up at Charlie's house.

"Why are we here, Jules?"

"As you know, my mom has been spending a ton of time with your dad. Mom's a La Push elder, so we're naturally going to protect our own. It's usually Colette or Brandy assigned to be around when Bonnie is here, but occasionally I have Sarah do it, though she hates being given 'the baby job' per her words. Your dad went to La Push about two weeks ago on a day I had Sarah assigned to watch him, he went to Port Angeles and she followed. She told me what he was there for and what he got. I want you to see it for yourself."

She'd started claiming they were watching Bonnie, but I'd heard her slip when she admitted that Sarah had been watching him. I raised my eyebrow at her, but she ignored me and stepped over to my dad's cruiser. She opened the passenger door – unlocked, because this was Forks and no one was stupid enough to steal from the chief of police – and opened up the glove box. She grabbed something out and tossed it at me.

I caught it on reflex. In my hand a small dark purple, crushed velvet box. It  _looked_ like a jewelry box – the kind men spent fortunes on for their woman. I opened the lid hesitantly. Inside was a ring. It wasn't huge, a simple gold band a small diamond sent into a tear shaped casing, I was pretty sure it was called a pear cut.

"I don't know when he's planning to propose, Beau, but he definitely hasn't been seeing anyone other than my mom. If they get married, he'll be able to be treated as part of the tribe. He'll be able to find out what you are, he'll be able to be a part of your life again. He'll be Switzerland when it comes to the vamps, because he'll be protected by us."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, my voice was choked.

"To remind you that there are things to live for. To remind you that you deserve happiness." She was watching me, her jaw set stubbornly.

I shook my head, not in denial, but also not in agreement. Then I closed the box and handed it back to her so she could put it back in the car.

…

"I'll see you tomorrow and we'll go hunting together," she said as she stood in front of me at the cabin.

"Okay," I said softly – though it wasn't an agreement.

She took my hands and squeezed them once tightly before she stepped back and headed off to go home to sleep.

The instant she was out of sight, I went into the cabin.

I knew she wouldn't see me tomorrow, because I wasn't going to be here tomorrow. I put my cellphone on the cot, setting my laptop beside it. Then I picked my backpack up off the ground and pulled it onto my back.

My cellphone started to ring as I headed out the door. I knew if I headed back to the phone it would be Archie. He'd be the only one who would call right now.

I didn't go back to it.

…

The run to Seattle was easy, uneventful even, but when I made it to the train yard, separated by over a dozen rail tracks, I saw  _him._

"I'm surprised to see you here, Beau," he said from across the yard.

"Not as surprised as I am to see you."


	8. Chapter 7 - Unhappy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: I debated a long time about this scene... but I truly believe it is something this character would do if they felt completely safe while doing it. It's just the type of person I see this character as being. This story was based heavily on info in the Official Guide.

**Chapter 7 – Unhappy Ending**

I had never been quite as grateful for railroad tracks as I was at the moment. Thanks to them, there was enough distance between Victor and myself that I could escape with ease. Though the fact that Archie had called before I left and wasn't here now told me I wasn't in a life threatening situation.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

He cocked his head to the side. "Shouldn't I be asking you that. This isn't your home, little boy."

"What do you know of my  _home_?" I snarled.

I wanted to attack him, but even in the middle of the night there was still bustling going on in the train yard. Not close enough that they were visible, but close enough that I could hear them – which meant they were close enough that they would be collateral damage if we got in a fight. It made it the most neutral ground that we'd ever been on, though.

"I know you choose to make yourself miserable. You have it all, you foolish boy. You have a woman you love, a family to call your own, a home... and you reject it all. Your self-made purgatory is actually entertaining enough to watch that I've even considered letting you live."

"You know  _nothing_ about me."

"That's where you're wrong. I've been studying you, boy. So I know you're going to  _die_. Eventually. But not yet. And do you know why you're going to die, Beau?"

"Because you blame me for your mate's death... Personally I think she had it coming."

His eyes flashed with anger, but he didn't come closer to me. "Would you like to hear my story, Beau? It doesn't have a happy ending, I assure you, but it may explain to you why your fate is such, at least it might if you're capable of learning."

In spite of myself, I was curious, so I gave one truncated nod.

"I was born in the early 1550s in London to a scullery maid and the house's master. I remember very little about my father. I was nothing more than an unwanted bastard son to him. My older brother, on the other hand, was much more favored. He too, was a bastard. But my older brother had received our father's dark brown hair and blue eyes. He did not have status, not really, but he did have a place in the house. Andrew was five years older than me, and though he could have ignored me in much the same way as our father did, he chose to dote on me instead. It was because of his love for me that I wasn't cast to the streets after our mother died when I was only five.

"My brother had just enough sway over our father that I was allowed to remain in the house – as little more than a slave, but it at least gave me a roof over my head and food to eat. It wasn't until our father passed when I was about ten or eleven that I realized just how dangerous the world could be. Andrew and I were cast out on the streets after our father's death – the lady of the house had wanted nothing to do with us, she did not want the continued reminder of her husband's infidelity.

"With no place to go, we found ourselves homeless. My brother was old enough that finding work for a day was easy, helping a shopkeeper to stock shelves or move boxes. It was enough to earn a couple of testoons – you would call them shillings, boy." Until then, it had almost felt as if he'd forgotten I was here, but I should have known I couldn't be that lucky. "It was little more than enough to pick up a loaf of bread and sometimes a small square of cheese or a pint of milk – barely enough to feed even one of us, really. But we made by.

"As winter neared, and the cold started to set in, it became clear that something would have to change. My brother might have been able to survive the winter – his age over me would have possibly given him the edge he needed to make it through the cold winter on the streets. But neither of us was what one would truly call healthy, not even in those times, let alone by today's standards.

"My brother got  _lucky_  though and found us work as stable hands in a small estate. The man who owned the estate was a drunkard and mean. He liked to beat anyone he could get his hands on. More often than not, that was me. I stuck out because of my red hair. Andrew tried to step in and protect me a few times, but it tended to earn even more ire towards me.

"About the time I was twelve we left his estate. Andrew had hoped we'd find better work, or at the very least, some place that was safer. Unfortunately, a young man and a young boy are not ideal help – especially those without any form of legal paperwork. We ended up finding shelter in a bordello. People tend to believe that the legal prostitution industry in England back then was strictly women, but the truth is that if a person was willing to pay enough, most brothels would make anything available to the patrons.

"I came down with a cough a couple months after we moved there so Andrew went out to get some medicine from an apothecary. He never came back." Victor broke off as he started to walk parallel with the tracks. If I didn't know better, I'd almost believe he'd forgot I was here, but I did know better. "The months that followed were hard, the bordello was less than happy to have lost one of it's bigger money makers. I wasn't what they wanted, of course, but they figured I would do – at least to make up some of their loss.

"I escaped a few months later, breaking out a window in the second floor of the building to get away. I was fortunate and happened across a blacksmith getting on in his years. He needed an apprentice bad enough that he was willing to overlook the documents and references I couldn't provide him. Working for most of my day everyday at a fire hammering metal wasn't easy work, but the blacksmith was a gentle man. The years that followed were some of the safest I had as a human, though I won't say they were happy years. I missed my brother dearly and often wondered what had happened to him.

"I was a young man by the time the owner of the bordello caught up with me. I owed them a window, reparations for damages, money that was lost.. at least in his mind. I fled. I wasn't certain what else to do. Looking back, I probably could have gone to the blacksmith with my problems and I think he would have helped me out, but the thought didn't cross my mind at the time.

"I managed to sneak into the loft of a stable to hide for a few days. It was while I was there that Andrew found me. He was different, but at the same time, much the same. He didn't look like he'd aged a day since the the last time I'd seen him, but he looked healthier than ever, full of life... It was easy to ignore the red eyes. He wanted to know why I wasn't with the blacksmith anymore, why I'd run. It didn't seem odd to me that he knew that, I suppose some part of me must have thought he was some sort of angel, I don't really remember the details of my thought process at the time. I told him what had happened. Andrew made some vague comment about killing the bordello owner. It was the strangest thing, because my brother never used to be the violent type.

"Ultimately he decided against it. He asked me to trust him. I did, completely... Even after all that time. He picked me up like I weighed nothing and sped away from the stable at a speed that – at the time – seemed impossible. When he got to a house out in the country, he apologized to me. I remember that very well, mostly because I had no clue why he was saying sorry. That was when he bit me, of course. I remember him leaning forward like he'd intended to kiss me or something, and then the burning.

"I screamed and thrashed for the three days of the change. It was a good thing it was the countryside... I dare not imagine how people would have reacted if we'd still been in London with the way I screamed. When I finished the transition to vampire, I discovered that my brother had found a family in the time period that I'd missed him.

"His maker's name was Hildebrand, a man who saw himself as a savior of sorts. There were two other vampires living there, Merle and Hammond. Both of them had been turned by Hildebrand. Hildebrand was a few hundred years old with no notable features, though many would have considered him good looking, I suppose. Reality was that it was hard to consider anyone good looking when one compared themselves with Hammond. Merle was the oldest of Hildebrand's creations. He was turned in the early 1500s and Hammond about forty years later. They moved to England from Germany when Hammond was still a newborn.

"Hildebrand had found my brother on the street when he had gone to the apothecary, noticed the scars and thin body and had believed my brother was possibly a slave. He decided to save my brother from such a life which was why he turned him. My brother remembered me though and as soon as he thought he had enough control to come back for me, he did. I didn't know it, but he'd visited me the first time about a year before he actually appeared to me. He'd found me at the blacksmith working as an apprentice originally and had determined that I was safe, happy even. He'd checked on me every couple of months after that. When he'd discovered that I'd run away, he decided to intervene.

"I was happy, with them, my family. Some days were better than others and some were worse, just as in any normal life. Hammond made getting food for us easy as he had a very special gift, an ability to glamour anyone into doing what he desired. I'd been a vampire for about two years when Hildebrand found Nouel, a slave that had been born in Algeria. Hildebrand did the same as he had with Andrew and changed the young man to save him.

"He'd only been with us for about six months when the Volturi came – Sulpicia leading the hunt. She had Alec, Athenodora, Clarence, Anastasia, Fahima and Sandra with her. They came to kill us for making a nuisance of ourselves, or at least that's how Sulpicia righteously claimed her reasons. Hildebrand presented evidence that we had never been, all that, conspicuous. Sulpicia had him killed immediately.

"She held out a metaphorical olive branch, claiming that if we changed our ways, we'd live. She was lying though. I could sense it. She intended to kill us all – except Hammond. Hammond went over to them without much thought, though even then, as he stepped to their side as if under a spell, he held onto enough of his own will to use his glamour to convince Sulpicia and the others that reading his mind was completely unnecessary.

"In the moment that they were distracted by him, I told the others to run. All four of us that remained, fled. I wasn't there, but I heard later they caught up to Merle first. My brother and Nouel died too. None of them survived the week. The Volturi couldn't catch me though. I have a superior instinct on how to avoid death and am very good at it.

"I traveled the vast majority of Europe and Asia in the decades that followed. There were some areas I just knew to avoid, of course, parts of China, the northern area of Russia, the occasional town in the Middle East. It was easy to do.

"I finally returned to London in the early eighteen hundreds. I immediately gained the attention of a vampire. She chased me from London to France and on into Russia. She had more tenacity than the Volturi ever had..." He looked off, his eyes distant. "I don't know which of us started to lower our natural defenses first. But eventually she stopped hunting me for the purpose of harming me – it became something else. For both of us.

"Joss was the most interesting vampire I'd ever met. She wouldn't stand out in a crowd, not even among most humans, it was almost as if when she was changed, she had been made for the sole purpose of blending into her surroundings. Sparks didn't fly when we first met, it took years for us to be anything other than curious about each other. One of us constantly dancing on the fringe of the other's life.

"She enjoyed the hunt, and not just the hunt of humans, but the hunt of prey in general. And her prey could come in any form, be it human, werewolf, vampire... When she decided on a target, she'd chase it. I was curious enough about her to follow. If she got too close to something that felt too dangerous to me, I'd always run. Eventually, she'd chase me. It took time, but eventually our relationship became  _more,_ more than curiosity, more than hunter and prey, more than wielder and tool.

"I loved her, every one of the hunts I helped her with, every game of cat and mouse, every plan. She and I were close, intimate, in love. She was the absolute best at what she did..." His eyes flashed to mine, pure unadulterated hatred and anger in his eyes. "Then she caught wind of you, with your family of foolish protectors. She should have finished you off, you don't deserve the gift she accidentally gave you. She was my all, and your family took her from me."

He sneered, "And here you are. You have it all. You have a mate and a family. And you're wasting it. You should take advantage of what you have while you have the chance. I actually want to see you happy. It's hardly enjoyable, killing someone who is already so foolishly miserable. I will still kill you, no matter what, because you don't get to keep Joss's gift. It's just a question of if I kill just you, or your family too. And that part is up to you.

"I originally wanted to destroy Edythe's spirit, but you seem to be doing that just by choosing to avoid her. So I think I'll destroy yours, and if I can't watch your realization that you're going to die while you are madly in love, then I'll break your spirit some other way."

I wanted to close the distance between him and me and rip his head off. I could feel my muscles tensing in preparation, and in that moment, I was certain I  _could do it_ , I was also distinctly aware of the the humans in the area, two of which were working on a rail car only a few hundred feet away. I doubted they'd heard any of Victor's monologue, and even if they had, they'd just write it off as someone who was off their rocker and continue their work. But even two humans who were focusing on simply making a night's pay would notice the sound of stone being ripped apart if I attacked Victor here.

"There are eight of us in all, Victor. You're outnumbered. There's no way you can possibly win."

"Isn't there? As I stated, I'm very adept at avoiding life-threatening situations, and yet I. Keep. Coming Back." He tilted his head to the side in a way that was completely foreign to a human, but neither of us were human. "If any of you were truly a threat to me, I'd be  _long gone_. You might want to think that over."

"If you want me dead so bad, then here I am. Come and get me," I snarled. I crouched low as I made a decision. My hands were already so soaked in blood and filth that that they'd never be clean again anyways.

He wiggled his eyebrows once. "I would, but we have company, and while you certainly are no threat to me. I'm slightly more hesitant to try my luck with one of your pretenders. They're a bit more unpredictable... I'd stop her before she makes a scene, if I were you."

He slid behind the rail car he'd come to stand next to as he'd walked parallel along the tracks.

I spun around just in time to see Jules racing forward. I stepped in her direct path. She skidded to a halt at the last possible moment. There was less than two inches of space between her snout and my body.

"We need to go, Jules," I said softly.

She growled, taking a stepped to the side to try and get around me, I mimicked her

"There are human workers here, Jules. And you are a giant wolf in the middle of Seattle." Far south end, actually, but who was counting?

She growled again.

"Jules, you try and follow him and you will create a scene." My words didn't seem to sway her very much, as she leaned to the side again. "I won't kill an innocent for you, Jules." The words were out of my mouth before my mind had a chance to consult with me that it was a bad idea. Still, I knew, the instant that I said them, I meant them. I wouldn't do that. I wasn't sure what it said about me that I'd let my best friend metaphorically drowned if she messed up.

It had the desired effect though as she pulled up short, a whine slipping from her muzzle.

"Let's get out of here," I muttered.

…

We weren't very far out of Seattle when she shifted back to human form. She pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt while I looked away from her.

"What the hell were you thinking, Beau?" she shouted at me.

"I didn't know I was going to run into Victor. I was looking for Allen."

"And then what were you going to do?"

"I was going to try to help him. If he's been turned and doesn't have anyone to turn to, then he needs someone to guide him."

"Yeah right." The words were heavily sarcastic.

I opened my mouth to ask what she meant by that, but suddenly a cellphone in her shorts rang. I knew the ringtone, and it wasn't the one that her cell was set to. She pulled the phone out of her pocket and looked at the name on the screen before tossing it to me.

I grabbed it, glancing briefly at the screen to see Edythe's name before I answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Beau, where are you?" The concern and fear in her voice was impossible not to hear.

"I'm a few miles outside of Seattle with Jules."

"Thank god." The instant relief in her voice was clear. I wasn't a hundred percent sure what to make of it. "Archie has been singing show tunes for the last few hours, and I knew he was hiding something, but he's fairly good at it when he wants to be. He finally slipped just a few minutes ago that he saw you going to Seattle and running into Victor. I don't know what he was thinking, letting you go off like that."

"He knew I wasn't in any danger. Victor and I were in neutral territory."

"Did Victor admit to making the newborns in Seattle?"

"No, he isn't doing that. If he was, Archie would have seen it. You know he would have. And besides, he would have told me if he was the one making them. He wanted to tell me information, to brag... He definitely would have bragged about that if he was turning a ton of vampires." I sighed. "I'll come by your house and tell you what he told me later, Edythe. But I need a little bit of time. I'm a bit confused and I don't want to accidentally say something that you no longer want to hear."

There was a brief quietness, and I was fairly sure I heard the sound of an engine stopping, but I wasn't a hundred percent certain. "Okay," Edythe finally agreed softly.

I closed the phone before either of us could say more, whispering quietly before it was quite shut. "I love you, I miss you."

I stuffed the phone in my pocket as Jules muttered something in Quileute and turned her back on me, walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, for people who are wondering, there's about five to six more chapters until Beau and Edythe officially get back together.


	9. Chapter 8 - Temper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 8 – Temper**

We were back on the private beach, just Jules and I. At least for the time. It was more than a week after my trip to Seattle, and Jules had been watching me like a hawk since. I knew she had questions, that she was upset that I'd just taken off like that, that she wanted to know what had been going through my mind... and part of me felt like telling her just to spit the questions out already, but the much larger piece of me was completely unwilling to discuss what I knew she was going to ask.

We hadn't gone hunting yet and I was loath to bring it up, but I knew I was going to have to soon as my eyes were dark, dulling to a black as I approached two weeks without feeding. It made it the longest I'd gone without hunting since I initially returned from Europe. Jules seemed to trust my control more than ever, at least as far as my blood lust was concerned, but I didn't. So I'd have to go hunting soon, either with her... or on my own.

I'd already gone to the Cullens and told all of them what Victor had told me, giving a slightly truncated version that had left out the threats and the implication that he wanted me to return to the Cullens for the sole purpose of seeing me happy just in time to pull it out from under me. I knew his motives were important and that they'd deserved to know what he really wanted from me... but it was information that felt – in many ways – too personal to share.

I wanted to tell Edythe the parts I'd left out, but I didn't know how to tell her that he'd figured out I loved her still and was putting myself through hell deliberately. I didn't know how to explain that I wished she hadn't decided to move on – but if it was what she needed than I was okay with it. After all, that was what even Victor had said, hadn't it? That loving me had been destroying her? I didn't want that for her, didn't want her to have to be in pain because of me. I was okay with my own pain, as it was nothing more than I deserved, but I hated to even consider the possibility that I'd also been causing her agony.

Still, I knew I needed to go back and tell her, so she'd be prepared in case Victor came for her, if nothing else.

I sat down on a rock to look out at the sea as Jules continued walking along the sand, away from me. We were both deep in our own thoughts, and I wasn't sure which of ours were more troubled at the moment – hers, or mine.

The clouds were thin enough in the sky that it would occasionally make my skin sparkle, though they mostly were concealing me.

I picked up a flat rock and threw it at the ocean, watch as it skipped a single time before dropping into the ocean. Suddenly, I heard a squeal I recognized from the other end of the beach and turned my head to watch as Clay started running towards me from the far end. Quilla shook her head before following the young boy at a walk.

I opened my arms just as the little boy jumped into them.

"Sparkles!" he squealed, patting my cheek as the sun's light streamed through the clouds enough to light me up like a Christmas tree.

"Yes, I sparkle in the right light. And you can't tell anyone." I put my finger to the boy's lips gently.

"No tell. No tell," He half-screamed, half-sang as I dropped my finger. His happy voice was loud enough to echo across the beach.

"Even if he did," Quilla said as she squatted in front of us. "No one would believe him. He's at that age where he spouts all kinds of crazy things... like men with red eyes and giant cocoa wolves... His parents think Elliott must not be paying attention when he gets his hand on the remote." Quilla grinned lightly, but I still heard the undertone of concern in her voice.

"What are you going to do if they decide to stop letting Elliott babysit?"

I was aware that they didn't know she was the one actually doing the babysitting. It was all part of a giant charade so she could spend time with him.

She reached out, grabbing the little boy's hand. "I don't know. I suppose, if I have to, I'll tell his parents the truth, everything. Not even Julie ordering me not to could stop me, because it's about  _him_. He's the one thing that trumps even an alpha order – the one thing that has complete control over me. But it all would depend on what he wants and needs. If it was better for him to be away from me... to grow up as a normal human boy that has nothing more than fleeting memories of the cocoa wolf-girl... then that's what I'd do. He calls the shots, ultimately. Not his parents, not Elliott, not Jules, not even me.

"I don't understand it, don't know how to describe it, but I just  _know_  what he wants, what he needs, what's safe for him, what's not... That's why I don't take him from you and run, of course. I know he wants to be in your arms, that he like you. More than that though, I know he's safe with you. Even if you don't believe it... I know it. It's a hundred percent instinctual, but the knowledge is there all the same.

"None of the others have the kind of link I do, or at least they don't recognize it –" she tapped the side of her skull "– up here. I think though, because he can't really tell me his wants and needs yet in words, that the instincts are just more visible to me. It's all I have that tells me I'm doing right by him. The rest of them know because their imprints can tell them. Clay here might tell me he loves me, and he'd mean it in the instant he'd say it, but he's two. His mind is a sieve, everything he knows, believes and even wants changes on a whim." She reached down picking up a handful of sand and letting it slide through her fingers. "Today he likes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, tomorrow he could like Barbie or Tonka Toys. And for now... he both wants and needs me around. He knows I'm important to him in the same way he knows he likes sparkles. But that may change. He may decide he doesn't need me or it may come to a point where it's actually safer for him to be without me in his life. If it does, then I'll let him go."

There was a half moment of silence before Jules – who had walked back this way while she'd been talking – spoke harshly. "You wouldn't have imprinted on him if you weren't meant to be in his life."

"I know," Quilla said, but she didn't sound certain of that fact.

Clay scrambled off of my lap and spun to Quilla. He patted on her cheek in a similar way to how he had mine. "No go, Quil. No go," he demanded in his loud little voice.

I smiled. "I think he  _knows,_ even if you're not as certain."

Quilla picked him up, wrapping her hands around him. "Yeah. He always knows what he wants." She stood up.

"What's prompted the doom and gloom from you?" I asked. It wasn't like Quilla. Of all the wolfs, she was the biggest ray of sunshine.

She looked at Jules in surprise. "You haven't told him?"

"It isn't important." Jules shrugged.

"What isn't?" I looked between the two of them as Jules tried to stare Quilla down.

It didn't work, because Quilla looked over at me. "Brandy imprinted on a boy in Forks when she went there a couple days ago. The boy is Keirnan Wells, one of Sean's little brothers. Brandy's decided to ignore the bond, that it's the best thing she can do – for him. Paula and Jaelyn both have voiced that she must be crazy." Quilla shrugged tightly. "But if Sam had done that with Elliott, then he never would have been scarred."

"Or he would have been out in those woods camping by himself and something else would have got him."

"Like what? He was on our side of the boarder that was instated at the time."

"The only vampires that has ever applied to are the Cullens. Besides, there are mountain lions and bears that could do that damage. Or he could have fallen off a cliff for that matter. The point is there is no guarantee. For all anyone knows, Sam being with him kept him from a far crueler fate. Besides, I may not know Elliott well, but I know he doesn't blame her. It was an accident."

Jules' eyes flashed to mine and I could practically hear what she was thinking.

I got up from where I was sitting. "It's different and you know it. There was no accident in  _any_  of what I did." I turned my back to her and walked away.

I heard her curse under her breath before she quickly followed me.

I headed off towards the trees, ignoring her footfalls, because I knew I'd have to answer her questions if she asked, and the reality was that I wasn't ready to answer.

"I'm going to go hunting," I threw over my shoulder as I continued walking away from her.

"Okay, let's go hunting."

…

"Stop, Beau," Jules said.

I pulled up short of striking the deer and it fled into the forest. I turned to glare at her. "That's the third time you've made me stop. Why?"

"I'm not making you do anything, Beau."

I hissed in aggravation. "Are you trying to make me lose my temper and attack you?"

"You could  _try_." The disbelief that I would succeed was clear in her voice. "Then I'll shift and tear your head off. Again. I'll then have a mental freak out till you're fully healed. Again. We end up going back to where you were two months ago... But if that's what you want, go for it."

"I want to hunt and feed before I end up losing it. It's been almost two weeks since I last fed."

"Then hunt, I'm not stopping you."

"But you  _are_." I was really starting to get aggravated at her.

"I'm teaching you control, Beau. That's what you've been after all along, control – a hundred percent of the time – because you want to go back to the Cullens someday, and you think the only way you can do that is if you have complete control."

"What?" I was sure my face was shocked. "I thought we'd already established that there was no possible future with them."

"And I stand by that belief, but it doesn't change what you want. Learning this type of control isn't for me, Beau. We both know it. I don't need it. It's about them, and it's about you."

I looked away. "Why didn't you tell me about Brandy?"

"Because I didn't want you to blame yourself. You seem to be under this mistaken impression that what Victor has done is your fault. But he isn't you and he is wholly responsible for what he does."

"He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me." I paused, taking a breath I didn't need. "What does he have to do with Brandy choosing to avoid her imprint though?"

"She's claiming she's avoiding him to protect him because our lives are too dangerous, but we all know it's because she's afraid of losing anyone else."

I understood then. "Because her mom was killed by a vampire that was made by Victor."

"Yes, but that isn't your fault, Beau. If he wasn't hunting and killing around here then he'd be doing it elsewhere. At least here, we have a chance at stopping him."

"Do we? As he pointed out in Seattle. He's still here. And if his gift is avoiding potentially deadly situations than we apparently don't provide much of a threat." I moved over to the nearest tree and leaned against it, looking into the forest and away from Jules. "How do we kill someone that has an acute gift for evasion. Can it even be done?"

"We keep trying until he makes a mistake, Beau." She leaned against another tree, her eyes on the side of my face. "And before you say it, or even think it, it wouldn't matter if you died. The Cullens would still fight. So would we. No matter what Victor believes, he's not gonna win this. There are eighteen of us between the Cullens, us, and you. It's only a matter of time until he dies."

I noticed how she put me in an unequivocal third party. "What am I to you really, Jules? Am I a fellow protector? Your boyfriend? The imprint you lost? Or some sort of pet project?"

She laughed and I turned my head to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

"A bit of all of it, I think. But, Beau, you're asking the wrong questions. It's not what you are to me that matters. It's what I am to you. And I can't decide that for you."

"Way to be equitable, Jules." I scowled.

"No, Beau, I'm serious." She looked me up and down. "I can't place you as a Cullen or as one of us, because you don't know who you are." She sighed and walked several feet away, putting her back to me. "Did you know that my tribe used to do spirit quests? They used to do it for lots of things, protection of the tribe, to gain insight, to accept grief... There were dozens of reasons. One of the big ones though, was coming of age. When a person learns who they really are. Usually that was the type of quest that came in two parts. Once, when they reached puberty and then again, a few years later, when they reached adulthood.

"In the modern day world, people do it all the time, though most people don't call it spirit quests anymore and, for the most part, people no longer need to smoke a hookah to figure it out either. Instead we usually call it rights of passage. We still do them though. For girls it's that first time we wake up finding blood on their bed and we cry to ourselves because – even though we know what's going on thanks to health class – we don't really understand what's happening to us. It's that first couple of days after our first period starts when we're too embarrassed to tell our parent so we try to hide it with toilet paper. It's that first time we buy a bra, that first time we really ask ourselves if  _that_  shade of pink looks good on our lips. For the record, it doesn't.

"Boys go through it too. When your voice first drops from a high alto to a tenor or a bass. That first time when you look at a girl and actually blush. That first time that your watching tv with your mom and realize that maybe you like watching the Miss America pageant too – even if it is for a completely different reason than why your mom's watching it. It's that first time you wake up with morning issues – you know what I mean.

"We continue to go through those rights of passages as we grow up. We graduate high school, we go to college, we suffer our firs heart break, get married, have kids, etc... The problem is, Beau, and it's not just your problem, it's almost the entire Cullen clan. You never got to undergo that second half of those rights of passages. You suddenly went from being a little fish in a big sea still learning how to swim to being the damn eagle that swoops down and eats those little fish for a snack.

"I can teach you restraint, the gods know I have it, but I can't teach you what you missed out on. You may have always been meant to die young in some form, and I am grateful that it was in this way, but there's a price to be paid for that. You have to figure out how to grow into yourself, I can't teach you that. And until you figure that out... You could be anyone, from a Cullen to a protector to a killer."

"I don't think Native Americans smoked hookahs, Jules," I said the instant she stopped talking.

"Seriously, Beau? I'm spouting a ton of wisdom type crap that would make my mom proud and  _that's_  what you take from it?" she asked as she turned to give me an exasperated look.

I shrugged. "I get it, you think I'm a little kid still."

"I definitely don't think that, but I do think you still need to figure out where you belong in this world. And as much as I want you to decide that your place is with me and with the pack... you haven't decided that yet. You still need to find closure from whatever path you decide against." She sighed. "I want you to forget what I said before... about the Cullens opinion of what you did. Beau, I may not be able to forgive what you did, but we both know why I can't. The Cullens on the other hand very well might be able to, they are vampires and would probably understand the instinct that drives that kind of a decision, Carine especially. And if they don't..." She shrugged.

"If they don't, it's going to hurt me again. And though I deserve nothing less after what I was responsible for in Europe – I'm not sure I can handle it. Maybe that is the closure that I have to accept, Jules – that there is none."

"I can't answer that one." She turned to look at me. "I need to head back home, mom wants me home for supper tonight. Like I really need to see Paula and Adam together again." She rolled her eyes. "You. Hunt. Then go home."

I watched her jog away for a minute before I turned to go further south and find more stinking herbivores.

…

It didn't occur to me until I was back at the cabin that she didn't specify where home was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter which means that I may replace it or add on to it later.


	10. Chapter 9 - Target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: I tried to do justice to Beau's mixed feeling and mild confusion while also trying to clear up some info that might not have been clear before. Hopefully this helps.

**Chapter 9 – Target**

I tried to focus on what I was doing on the laptop as I waited for the night to pass, tried to work on hacking into the Forks bank so I could dump the money I wanted to into the pastor's bank account, but my mind kept on turning back to Julie's words, Victor's words, Lee's words, Quilla's words, and Kirill's.

The page in front of me was a wall of code and I knew I should pay attention as the last thing I needed to have happen was getting caught doing it, but my focus just wasn't there.

Kirill had asked me, in a subtle way, if what he believed I did had actually been for revenge... At the time I'd told him that wasn't it, that it couldn't be. But what if I was wrong? Was the real reason that I'd sought them out and helped to design and implement a plan that not only tortured and killed a vampire that was close to two millennia old, but also destroyed a man's life, been because I'd wanted revenge for them threatening Edythe and Archie? Had what I really been after was payback for Alec psychologically torturing the woman I loved? If I had been, did it make it more acceptable?

I shook my head, not knowing the answers to the questions in my head. Then looked down and immediately deleted two lines of code that I'd typed incorrectly in my distracted state.

"Perfect, Beau, you keep doing that kind of stuff and you'll be getting a one way ticket to prison," I muttered to myself under my breath.

But even castigating myself aloud didn't help me to keep my attention for long as my mind spun to another conversation.

Lee had pointed out that mixing two very different types of love was dangerous... of course, I already had known that. The problem was that it was something I was bad at. I'd always both worshiped and loved Edythe. She wasn't just the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life, she was an avenging angel, an ethereal being... something more than human. And I'd somehow done the same thing with Jules. She'd saved me from myself, and I was  _grateful_  to her for it. I recognized that much now for what it was. And yet, even though it wasn't fair to her, or to me... I knew if it would allow me to keep what remained of my humanity than I  _would_  stay with her.

Maybe a better thing for me to be doing with my time was looking up hero worship and ways to correct it – given that my attempts at hacking were so far looking like a bad comedy of errors.

I deleted my most recent line of code.

I couldn't believe that I had an eidetic memory and could think about dozens of things at once under normal circumstances and I couldn't focus enough on one simple code to hack into one stinking bank. I glared at the computer screen, but even as I glared, my eyes weren't really seeing the screen in front of me.

Instead, I was thinking over Quilla's quiet declaration of how she'd always do what was best for Clay – of how it didn't matter what Jules ordered or what anyone told her, she would just always do what was best for him. I envied that in her, in some ways, her imprint link let her  _know_  exactly what was best for her imprint. But, the thing was... I didn't need that bond to know that  _not telling_  was not what was best for Edythe. I knew as sure as the sun rose in the east that it was wrong to keep anything from her... I'd always known that. Still, in spite of the fact that I knew it – bone deep – my fear continued to stifle me from the idea of telling her the truth.

And now I worried it was too late for us.

Though Jules seemed less sure of that fact as she'd been encouraging me to go back and tell them. She seemed to think that Carine might understand, but I seriously doubted that last part.

I didn't know if she'd been back to the Cullens on her own when I hadn't been paying attention or what. Though she did seem to have picked up the nasty habit of becoming friends with my family while I'd been in Europe. It hadn't been something I'd expected to see. Not because it felt like some sort of betrayal or anything like that, but because, in spite of her personal feelings for me, she wasn't really that big of a fan of vampires.

The fact that she'd formed some sort of friendship with the Cullens was the ultimate proof of how much she cared for me, and I knew that, but at the end of the day I didn't feel the same way about her. I could never be the light that Jules wanted me to be for her.

And the major reason that was, was because Victor had hit the nail on the head. I  _had_  been making myself miserable all on my own. In spite of Jules' belief that I'd went to the wolves – to her – because I'd secretly known I'd get her and wanted her to help me... She was wrong.

The truth was that some point between promising Edythe that we would have a  _someday_  and driving south toward California three and a half months ago, I'd started to figure something out. It seemed that, in the majority of Archie's visions, he'd seen me turn into some sort of monster, something I'd never wanted to be, and he'd said at one point that more than sixty percent of the visions he'd had when I was human had ended with me being a vampire, and all of the others had ended with me dying at an unfortunately young age... well, except one time supposedly, but I ignored that one time. The thought of ending up in a relationship with McKayla was downright horrifying.

The thing was, what I'd started to wonder was if the reason so many of my futures had ended as a vampire was because of Archie's insistent interference, and that was why I was not normal – for a vampire. I'd been able to control myself with complete ease until I'd tasted human blood that first time... and even before that, I'd been able to do the impossible on the first day after my change was completed and had a full length conversation with Edythe before ever hunting. Both things weren't normal for a newborn vampire. In fact, they were so abnormal that – according to Sulpicia – they didn't believe I was a true vampire. True, I'd contemplated killing a few people before Volterra, but they'd been errant thoughts or an easily avoided instinct. Then that first sip of human blood had changed everything. That was when I'd fully understood just how  _not normal_  I was for a vampire.

So when I'd made it to California, I'd given up a small piece of myself and sunk my car in the ocean. Then I'd continued on to Florida and said a quiet goodbye to my mom and Phil – even though neither of them had heard me. After that I'd went to Europe seeking what I'd believed to be was justice. Now, of course, I knew it hadn't been. It had either been some twisted version of revenge, or just some part of the monster that I feared was truly inside me – although currently dormant.

What I'd done while I was in Europe... meeting with Hammond after reaching out to the Romanians... helping in the torture and death of Mele... and the big one that I'd had to do to pull of the lie – making the Volturi human assistant, Gavin, disappear... and in spite of Jules' fears that he was still out there, I was quite sure he wasn't. They'd said they'd deal with what I hadn't been able to finish. All of it had thrown my initial plan off kilter.

So I'd returned home, and I was glad I had, because it had given me the chance to say my goodbye to Charlie. It hadn't been perfect, and my father would never know what I'd said, but it had been the closure I had been needing with him.

Then I'd gone to the pack to finish the loose leaf plan I'd come up with. Unfortunately, I hadn't expected Jules to not kill me. I think – some small part of me – had realized she would be the one to come, but ultimately I  _had expected_  her to finish me off then. It had seemed, in a weird way, like poetic justice to me that she would be the one to do it. The thing had been that I'd underestimated her... and if she hadn't threatened to follow me if I'd decided to leave... then I would have went back to Italy that next day and told the Volturi what I'd done.

With Jules' threat though, I'd stayed and opted for a later death, because I'd expected to slip up. That too, had fallen through to some extent, but I still stayed because it was an excruciatingly slow death – of the worst kind. I'd gone through the motions to push Edythe away – though she'd initially been resistant. Still, the moment I'd let a sliver of hope through, she'd finally given up. So it had worked... And I knew, in spite of Jules' beliefs about me, that her imprint was still out there for her somewhere and once she found him she'd move on with her life. And ultimately, slowly but surely all the other shifters of the current pack would move on, eventually cutting off the final tie I had to my humanity. It hadn't been the type of death that I'd wanted when I'd gone there, but I had decided it was what I'd probably deserved.

Still, one thing that Victor had said had hit a harder mark than anything else. He hadn't talked much about his relationship with Joss, but he'd mentioned that she was his everything. That she'd made his life better... And I wanted that back.

Edythe was that person for me, and while I was sure some would say it was because of the mate bond, it didn't feel that way to me. I'd loved her when I was human, I'd died loving her, and after my transition had been complete, it had been the one sure thing I'd known. The one piece of me that I was certain I had kept from my human life. I  _loved her_.

And for the first time since I'd fled to try and find myself, I truly found myself wanting that someday I'd promised her, and I wanted it to be in this lifetime. I wanted to  _live_. I wanted to love and be loved in turn. I wanted to go home. And more than all that, I thought that maybe – though I wasn't quite to forgiving myself – that I could at least accept myself including the part of me that I wished wasn't there. I thought that maybe I could look in Edythe's eyes and admit the truth of what I'd done.

My biggest fear now was the worry that I was too late. And yet, Victor hadn't used past tense when he'd spoke of the fact that I was destroying Edythe. So I wondered if that meant there was still some sliver of chance...

The fear of rejection, of her hating me for what I'd done, was stifling.

My self imposed slow death was safer than taking a chance.

I looked back at the screen, then grimaced. I closed the program.

If Edythe didn't hate me, and if the Cullens could acceptably forgive me, then I'd ask Jessamine to do it for me. She was better at this kind of thing anyways.

"Stop being a coward," I whispered the words in a harsh voice to myself.

I stood up, closing the laptop and setting it on my small cot. Then I yanked off my red cotton t-shirt and dropped it at the end of the cot before rifling through my backpack and pulling out the blue polo. Edythe had always liked me in blue... and though I couldn't see the color of a shirt changing her decision, I figured it couldn't hurt.

I headed out of the cottage as I yanked the shirt on.

…

I ran through the forest as fast as I could, knowing if I stopped to think for even a moment then I'd second guess myself and I'd never follow through.

When I was human, I'd known fear of course, there'd been several times in my life when I'd been afraid of one thing or another. But the memory of that fear made it seem so simple and shallow when compared to the way that fear consumed me anymore. And not just fear, but the vast majority of my emotions: anger, sadness, grief, shame, embarrassment... In fact the only emotion that had the same constant burning silver lining when I'd both been human and after I'd become a vampire was my love for Edythe.

It was what made it so necessary for me to fight for it. It was the one true constant that I had, the one thing I knew was real. Everything else I usually felt... I was never sure if it was me or the predator in me. But my love for Edythe was the one true burning ember.

It was shameful that it had taken a metaphorical 2x4 to the head by my enemy for me to see sense, but I was just praying that being late would be better than never in this case.

I needed to tell Edythe everything, to bare it all to her, and if she couldn't accept it... if love – hers and mine – wasn't enough, then at least I'd know that I tried. At least she'd have made a fully informed choice. I wasn't sure what I'd do after that, but I'd try to be okay with her choice.

I started to see the house through the trees and I slowed down a little. I needed to memorize this... because if she forgave me than this would be a coming home. And, on the other hand, if we couldn't move forward from it – if there was no hope – than I knew this would be a goodbye. Either way, I needed to remember it.

The house was lit up, which was strange for being the middle of the night. It wasn't like we needed lights to see, and we tried to seem human when possible, but I pushed it aside. The Cullens charade wasn't in any danger, after all, considering that the house was over a mile from the nearest road and surrounded by trees on all sides.

I was still a decent ways into the forest when Edythe stepped out of the house, and for a moment I thought she sensed me somehow, but she didn't look my way. Then I heard the car on the gravel drive.

I watched as a low to the ground, fancy black car with a logo I'd never seen before drove up and pulled to a stop. The cars windows were tinted almost as black as the paint job.

After the engine turned off, the driver's side door opened. A man got out with wild, curly, dark red hair. The hair ended just below his shoulders. It was obvious, even from where I was standing, that he was sturdily built, in spite of his short stature. He was taller than Archie, but he was shorter than Edythe by at least three inches. He wore a suit, his jacket looking to be made of a dark green velvet. It reminded me of the type of clothes that Archie always bought for me. And even from here, it was obvious he was a vampire.

Edythe stepped over to him the instant he got out and she leaned forward and kissed him gently on first the left cheek and then the right. He did the same with her, his lips on her cheeks lingering ever so briefly.

I was frozen where I stood. I couldn't believe my eyes, couldn't understand what I was seeing.

"The rest are inside, I'm so glad you could join us on such short notice," Edythe said softy.

It was as if a dam was breaking in my head in that moment, because I suddenly understood with a clear and sickening sensation. He was why she'd finally released me. She had actually moved on. And it was immediately clear how much of a better fit he was for her. He had her taste in cars, Archie's taste in fashion, and if I could see his face it would be beyond handsome – I was sure. He was everything, that not only was I not, but that I'd never be able to be.

The stabbing pain in my chest was instantaneous. In that moment I knew what true death was because there was nothing holding me upright aside from the fact that I was still frozen like a statue. Every emotion, every desire, wish, dream, and last dredge of hope shattered like thousands of broken shards of glass under my feet.

I knew then that I couldn't stay, couldn't survive seeing her happy without me.

A wail built in my chest and I managed to move my hand to mouth in order to prevent the noise coming out. My legs trembled, and for a moment I was certain I was going to fall to my knees.

I forced myself to pull enough of my will together to spin and flee, heading back to the cabin. I could metaphorically drown once I was there.

…

The instant I was in my little cabin and shut the door, I slid to the floor. My back pressed against the door. I wasn't breathing, couldn't hear, couldn't even really remember how to think. It was because of that, that I didn't notice the fact my red shirt was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So the man that arrived at Cullen house is Magnus from the Irish coven. Magnus is Maggie's gender-swap counterpart.
> 
> A quick note on this. In Breaking Dawn, we were introduced to Maggie and then later, Charles. Both of these vampires could purportedly tell if a person was lying to them. YET, supposedly no two gifts ever were exactly the same. So this always annoyed me. So for my stories, the gender-swap to Charles, Charity, has the exact same gift as Charles and is able to tell if the person is lying or not.
> 
> On the other hand, Magnus's gift is a little bit more... intense. Magnus knows if what he hears is the truth or a falsehood no matter who says it. As long as he's present when it's stated. It doesn't matter who says it though, or what it's about. (Sadly, it doesn't work over the phone though.)
> 
> A comparison example: Sulpicia could tell Charity that she truly had all vampires best interests at heart, Charity would say she was telling the truth because Sulpicia truly believes that. By comparison, if Magnus heard that same line, be it from Sulpicia, Carine or Jeremy Stanley, he'd immediately be able to tell you that it's false.
> 
> So if Edythe was to tell Magnus that "She loves Beau," or that "It's the right thing to let Beau to have his space and he doesn't need to be chased" … Magnus will be able to tell her what's true and what's not. Which is exactly why she called him. And asked him to come. She's confused and just needs a little guidance
> 
> The kiss was just a fairly basic European style greeting.
> 
> As always, reviews are appreciated.


	11. Chapter 10 - Scent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 10 - Scent**

I wasn't certain exactly how long I was sitting on the floor of the cabin completely unmoving, but I knew hours had to have passed as I sat there. I could have kept time if I'd truly wanted to, but the thing was that I didn't want to. In all actuality, I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to feel like doing anything again. After realizing that there was nothing left to hold onto or to hope for I truly felt like the whole world could have caught on fire and I wouldn't have noticed it. I'd thought I'd known what it meant to be hopeless before, but I hadn't had a clue.

I'd never felt more hopeless than I currently did. There was just nothing left to fight for and no reason to even try. I knew if anyone could hear those thoughts they'd probably state how pitiful that sounded – how there were things other than loving someone that were worth fighting for even... but the thing was that I no longer had anything. Everyone from my human life believed I was dead, the woman I loved had moved on, the Cullens – the family I'd truly thought I belonged to, even if only on the fringes – had replaced me, and I knew Jules would be better off without me in her life. It left me with absolutely nothing, because I couldn't even live for the blood. My time in Europe had taught me that much.

I didn't know what to do or where to go from here.

Sadly, even though I could stop breathing, shutting off my sense of smell as a result, and also close my eyes to shut off my sense of sight, the same couldn't be done for my hearing. So I heard the pounding foot steps and the heartbeat even before I felt the hard shove at the door at my back.

Jules in human form was no match for my dead weight pressed against the door when I didn't want to be moved though, so I didn't move.

"Beau, are you in there?" There was a soft bang up a ways on the door that left me with an impression that she probably hit her head against the door. "Can you hear me?"

Somewhere in the depths of my mental facility I could almost hear someone – I was fairly sure it was a faded memory of my grandmother – telling me it was rude to ignore people, but I couldn't help it... I had no way to tune out the knowledge that Jules was there, but as I had utterly no will to breath in to reply, I just couldn't find it in me to do anything other than ignore her.

I heard her take a deep breath in.

"I don't smell anything burning. Please, please, please be aright, Beau. Please don't let my senses be missing anything."

There was a stark fear in Jules' voice I'd never heard before and part of me wanted to frown in confusion, but that part was fleeting... and ultimately, it wasn't enough to get me to move. She was important to me. There was no doubt about that, but – no matter how important she was – in the current moment, it just wasn't enough.

I heard as Jules walked around the cabin to the small window on the side with the glass – so clouded from being in the cabin for well over a hundred years without any cleaning to the point that it was almost impossible to see through – and I could only just make out her silhouette through it from the edge of my vision.

Her fist slammed through the glass and she proceeded to break out all the glass before she came in through the window, feet first.

I saw it all out of the corner of my eye.

She quickly looked around the cabin before coming directly over to me and crouching down right in front of me. She reached out and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"What did the vampire do to you, Beau?" He voice was shaky and with her bringing her face down to my eye level I could clearly see the sharp fear in her eyes.

I knew – somewhere – that she needed me to reply to her, but the will to do it wasn't there, and the small part of my mind berating me for not replying to her, for not being a good friend, was nowhere near loud enough to break though to the rest of me.

She shook my shoulder. "Beau, tell me what Raven did to you!" she demanded.

I frowned internally, though I was sure it wasn't reflected on my face. What was she mentioning Raven for? It wasn't Raven that made me like this.

She pulled her hand away from my should and quickly reached into my pants pocket. "That's it, I'm calling Edythe."

My hand instantly clamped tightly around her wrist before she could pull her hand out of my pocket.

I pulled in a breath, recognizing only then what must have scared her as the scent of a vampire I didn't recognize registered in my mind. I could deal with that... later, much later, or perhaps never... whatever ended up working.

"Don't you dare call  _her._ " My voice was cold. "Raven didn't hurt me."

"Then what happened?" She pulled back with her hand and I let her go.

"Nothing."

"Beau, I might not have your IQ, but I'm not foolish enough to  _believe that,_ now what happened?"

I closed my eyes, swallowing. Then I forced myself to spit it out, because I knew Jules wouldn't let it go and I'd never get away with a lie with her. "Victor was wrong, you were wrong... I was wrong. Edythe cares nothing for me. My guess is she never did."

She frowned in confusion. "Beau... what makes you say that?"

"I finally found the strength to go and see her. She's with someone else. She's either managed to move on or I never meant anything to her to begin with. I'm guessing the latter."

"She went to Italy just a few months ago to die all because she thought you were dead. Vampires aren't really known to go to such extremes if they don't care," Jules grumbled

"Then she's moved on, it has been three and a half months since I left her waiting." I'd spent four months in a catatonic state over her letter and the next two months just barely surviving – mostly thanks to the help of Jules – followed by the last three and a half months in personal purgatory trying to find a way to be enough... But she was able to find someone else she loved in only three  _short_ months. "Or it was just guilt that drove her to try and kill herself to begin with and it had nothing to do with love at all."

"Are you sure, Beau? I've spent a lot of time with her – with the whole family actually – and though the jealous part of me hates to admit it, she definitely loves you."

"I saw her kiss him," I spat the words in anger.

Jules flinched before focusing back on me sharply. "Who did she kiss?"

"A short red-headed vampire. I've never seen him before."

Her eyes widened. "And it wasn't one of their cousins?"

"No, I've met all of them. Why?"

Her eyes turned to flint. "Did she turn him?" Jules words were like a whip.

Suddenly I knew what she was getting at. "No!" I shook my head adamantly. "I don't know who the vampire was but he definitely wasn't a newborn."

Jules scowled fiercely. "I'll need to talk to Sam about this."

"Why? What about?" I was confused.

She shook her head. "We can talk about that later. Now, did you and Raven fight. Did she hurt you?"

"No, I didn't even know she'd been here until you showed up. She must have been here when I went to try and visit..." I shook my head before I looked around the small cabin, my brow furrowing when I realized two things were missing off the cot. "My red shirt and the pillow are both missing." I forced myself to get up and went over my backpack, looking inside through my clothes. "My cloak and a pair of jeans are also missing."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know." I couldn't think of a single reason to steal a couple articles of clothing from me.

Jules sighed, closing her eyes. "Beau, can you meet me on the private beach in an hour, please?"

I almost said no outright as I knew I needed to get away from Forks and to put some distance from the Cullens and myself, but... "Why?"

"I'll explain everything in an hour, I promise. I just need an hour to sort stuff out. Then we'll figure out where to go from here, okay?"

I didn't really want to agree to stay... yet I figured I could give my best friend an hour. "Okay."

…

The instant she left the cabin I pulled out my cell and went through the list of contacts, calling a number I'd never thought I'd call.

"Hello?" Taavi answered after the second ring.

I swallowed. "Taavi, this is Beau."

"Beau, it's nice to hear from you. To what do I owe this call?" His voice sounded genuinely pleasant, and hearing him speak without being in some sort of casual flirtation with Edythe made it easier for me to talk to him in turn.

"When I came up for a visit a couple of weeks ago Kirill said I was welcome to come live with all of you at any time – he implied that I'd have a welcome spot in your family – and I want to know if that's true. I know you are essentially the leader of your family."

"Kirill told me that he invited you to come here, and yes, we'd be happy to have you here for as long as you want to stay."

"Thank you."

"Is there a particular reason you want to come here?"

"I think I need a change of scenery and it was beautiful there."

"I'll agree with you on that. We truly are blessed with where we live. When can we expect you?"

"I –" was so tempted to say in a couple of hours, but I'd promised Jules I'd stay to hear her out "– am not sure yet, but I'm guessing no more than a couple of days."

"Okay, we'll be waiting."

…

I arrived at the beach exactly one hour after Jules had left the cabin, but she wasn't there so I walked over to the water's edge, looking out at the ocean. It was stormy out on the water, dark clouds causing the water to appear darker than it really was. As I watched a giant wave crashed over a rock that was jutting out of the ocean about five hundred yards away. It was quickly followed by another wave hitting it.

Behind me, I heard footsteps making their way to me. I didn't turn to look at Jules though, just kept watching the water.

She stopped just to my right, and I saw out of the corner of my eye as she faced the ocean in the same fashion that I was doing.

"The elders are having a bonfire tonight. I think you should come," she said softy.

It wasn't the starter I was expecting from her at all. My brow furrowed. "Why?"

As Jules tended to sometimes be good at, she completely evaded answering my question. "The vampire you saw with the Cullens, did you see his eyes?"

"No," I answered automatically.

"And to your knowledge, only the Cullens, their cousins, and yourself are vegetarians. Is that correct?"

I had a sickening feeling I knew where she was going. "Yes."

Jules sighed. "So either they've created another vampire, which – as you know – is the one thing I really can't ignore. Or they've brought a human killer into our territory... and that isn't any better. Either way, Sam and I spoke, and we really only see three possible options. It's sort of up to you which one we go for though."

"Oh?" I wondered if she could hear the touch of venom in my voice.

"Yes. The first option is that we attack the Cullens with the intent to destroy –"

I spun towards her in a move faster than should have been possible.

She turned toward me, raising her hands as if in surrender. "Just let me finish this spiel out."

I hissed at her, but didn't attack the way I wanted to.

"– destroy the new one,' she continued as if there had been no interruption. "Of course, if Edythe has really taken the new one as a mate then she'll like fight to get revenge... and then the others will get involved as well. We total ten – eleven if you helped – to their eight. It would not be an easy fight if we went that route and I suspect we would lose some of our ranks, but between the fact that Archie can't see us and your gift... we would have the advantage."

"Not an option," I snarled.

She smiled wrily. "I suspected you'd say that. Our second option is that we can drive them out of Forks, make them leave and never come back. That would be easier than the first option. Neither them nor us really  _want_  to fight, so it should be relatively easy to convince them to leave and never come back."

"Or?" I asked, not commenting on it. It was as much of a non-option as the first one as far as I was concerned.

"We do nothing – assuming the new one chooses to adhere to the 'vegetarian' diet while he's here than it is an option. Of course, if he kills a human all bets will be off on that end."

I held up one of my hands and slowing started raising all four of my fingers and my thumb – one at a time.

"I know," she said harshly. "But you didn't do  _any_  of that  _here_. Besides..." She shrugged, leaving the sentence unfinished.

I got it though. She'd never be able to kill me. She already  _knew_  my darkest crime and though she herself had voiced it as being unforgivable, she was choosing to ignore it.

"They should stay, Jules, because I plan on leaving and going to their cousins. They offered me a home there when we visited and it will be a good place for me."

"A good place for what?"

I shrugged.

"Why do you want to go to Alaska, Beau?"

"I can't stay here, Jules. Just because they've chosen to replace me it doesn't meant that I can turn off my emotions, and having to watch Edythe be with someone else... watch the Cullens include this man in a way that I was never able to be included... I can't do it. I may  _deserve_  that kind of pain and punishment, but I can't deal with it. I'm glad that she's happy, even if it leaves me and everything I feel for her in the dust. I'm glad they've finally found someone that actually fits in with them... but there's no way I can watch it."

"Then we make them leave, and you stay."

"And do what?"

Jules looked back out at the ocean. "I know we talked about you needing to get closure before you could decide your place... and I know this wasn't the closure you wanted. It wasn't the closure I expected you to find either. But if she's moved on than maybe it's time that you do the same –"

I cut her off, but didn't get very far before she spoke over me. "Jules –"

"Just hear me out, Beau. I know you aren't in love with me. I know that even if you were, we truly aren't a compatible couple – what with you being deadly to me and all. But for all that... I  _am_  in love you. And sometimes a relationship doesn't have to be based around the realm of the physical. You can stay here, in La Push, and we'll protect the tribe together. As long as I continue shifting I'm as immortal as you, and the only reason I'd ever have to stop shifting is if I imprinted... which isn't going to happen."

"You don't know that, Jules."

"I do though. I know what Archie told me, that you were always meant to be a vampire and therefore there was no way you could be my imprint. Maybe Archie's right... and maybe he's wrong. I don't know. But what I do know is that for me to imprint I'd have to be able to see the person in question. And that's just not gonna happen. Because I don't see them – their faces, that is. All I ever see is you."

I closed my eyes because I didn't want to hear this, didn't want to have it all laid out in a way that there was no way for me to avoid it. "That's all the more reason for me to leave, Jules. I can never give you  _anything_  but pain. You have to know that."

She shrugged. "It's my pain to take, Beau, and I'd rather have you around."

"But..."

"But nothing. I  _do_  know what I'm doing. What's going to be in Alaska if you go there? A group of vampires that will constantly remind you of everything you lost? Is that really what you want? Let me drive the Cullens out of Forks. We can burn the house down after they're gone. Then there will be no reminders here. That way you can be here when your father and my mother get married. You'll get to have him in your life again. I know it isn't everything you want... but at least here, you'd have some amount of piece. You know you would."

Jules always knew exactly what to say to get me to want to see her side, but I was still extremely torn and in more than one way. Firstly, it wasn't fair to Jules, no matter what she insisted, and secondly, I truly didn't want to drive the Cullens away.

"I don't know."

"Promise me you'll stay, Beau."

I'd seen that one coming, but I couldn't give her that. "I promise I won't go to Alaska if you don't run the Cullens out of Forks."

"I can agree to that." She turned back towards me. "The bonfire will be starting soon." She jerked her thumb behind her.

I looked in that direction, immediately spotting Colette, Brandy and Sarah up on a cliff with an elderly woman who I'd never seen before.

She held her hands out to me but didn't take mine immediately the way she normally did, instead she left them open with her palms up. "Come on... stay the night with me."

"Okay." I placed my hands in hers.

She gripped them walking backwards along the beach as I went with her.


	12. Chapter 11 - Legends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: So, I don't normally post twice in under twenty-four hours, but I was excited because this is one of very few chapters in this book where I get to truly take from the book I'm very roughly basing it on – while also adding my own spin. The first part of this chapter will look very similar though there's been some basic changes made... It starts getting really interesting later in the chapter though.

**Chapter 11 - Legends**

It was weird being around so many wolves and humans from the tribe. On top of the ten shifters and their imprints there was also Bonnie, Quilla and Saul here. The only imprints missing were Keirnan and Clay.

The elders had brought out hotdogs and s'mores enough to have fed a normal human army, but there were ten people here who weren't human – eleven including me, but I didn't really count as I couldn't eat – and those ten people could eat far more than normal humans.

Paula was especially a pig, glutting her way through ten hotdogs before finally slowing up, and even then – as the other joked about pinstripe jeans, talked about baseball and soccer, or pointed out the different shapes that could be seen in the rock formations that jutted out of the ocean – Paula casually managed to down another four.

It was finally heading towards dusk and most of the people were fully settling down around the fire, but Paula was watching Jules who was leaned back against my knees – the only hotdog she'd grabbed casually poked onto the end of a straightened out coat hanger. Jules seemed to be in a different hemisphere ever since we'd arrived and – having eaten as much as I had, which was to say nothing at all – I didn't have to guess where her head was.

"Are you gonna eat that hotdog?" Paula asked finally.

Adam elbowed Paula in the gut but Jules handed the hotdog over to Paula without any sort of comment.

In spite of Jules own disquiet it was almost too easy being with the Quileutes in such a setting and I could just about imagine staying as a protector with Jules and the others. The solid warmth resting against my knees though was an ever reminder of why I shouldn't. Jules may believe she knew what she was getting into, but wasn't my own torn out heart proof enough to myself that she couldn't possibly get it? If she did than she wouldn't be courting this type of disaster with me.

Elliott, sitting beside Sam, pulled out a spiral-bound notebook and a pen just as Bonnie cleared her throat.

It seemed to be a sign for the others as they all sat up straighter, circling around the fire and settling down into a quiet stillness.

"The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning," Bonnie said. "And we are a small people still, but we have never disappeared. This is because there has always been magic in our blood. It wasn't always the magic of shape-shifting – that came later. First, we were spirit warriors."

Bonnie's voice rang with an authority that I'd never before heard, her eyes distant focused on something I was sure I'd never be able to see.

"In the beginning, the tribe settled in this harbor and became skilled ship builders and fishermen, as well as harvesters and hunters. But the tribe was small, and the harbor was rich in fish. There were others who coveted our land, and we were too small to hold it. A larger tribe moved against us, and we took to our ships to escape them.

"Kahlilia was not the first spirit warrior, but we do not remember much the stories that came before her. We do not remember who was the first to discover this power, or how it had been used before this crisis, though our history does tell us that there was a time before Kahlilia when both the women and the men could do these spirit journeys. Our limited knowledge of those legends suggest that the male spirit warriors were greedy and volatile and as such the females used the winds of our ancestors to strip the gifts from our men. The men still had a place of honor and were still warriors as the need arised, but only of the physical realm."

Bonnie was staring at Lee as she spoke, her words grave.

"Kahlilia  _was_ the first great Spirit Chief in our history. In this emergency, Kahlilia used the magic to defend our land.

"She and all her warriors left the ship – not their bodies, but their spirits. Their men watched over the bodies and the waves, and the women took their spirits back to our harbor.

"They could not physically touch the enemy tribe, but they had other ways. The stories tell us that they could blow fierce winds into their enemy's camps; they could make a great screaming in the wind that terrified their foes. The stories also tell us that the animals could see the spirit warriors and understand them; the animals would do their bidding.

"Kahlilia took her spirit army and wreaked havoc on the intruders. This invading tribe had packs of big, thick-furred dogs that they used to pull their sleds in the frozen north. The spirit warriors turned the dogs against their masters and then brought a mighty infestation of bats up from the cliff caverns. They used the screaming wind to aid the dogs in confusing the men. The dogs and bats won. The survivors scattered, calling our harbor a cursed place. The dogs ran wild when the spirit warriors released them. The Quileutes returned to their bodies and their husbands, victorious.

"The other nearby tribes, the Hohs and the Makahs, made treaties with the Quileutes. They wanted nothing to do with our magic, though legends suggests that their tribes had magics of their own as well – magics of healers, soothsayers, even of spell-workers. We lived in peace with them. When an enemy came against us, the spirit warriors would drive them off.

"Generations passed. Then came the last great Spirit Chief, Tahiya Aki. She was known for her wisdom, and for being a woman of peace. The people lived well and content in her care.

"But there was one woman, Uttara, who was not content."

Sam, Paula and a couple of the others let out a low hiss at the mention of her name. Bonnie ignored the interruption though, continuing on with the story.

"Uttara was one of Chief Tahiya Aki's strongest spirit warriors – a powerful woman, but a grasping woman, too. She thought the people should use their magic to expand their lands, to enslave the Hohs and the Makahs and build an empire.

"Now, when the warriors were their spirit selves, they knew each other's thoughts and desires. Tahiya Aki saw what Uttara dreamed, and was angry with Uttara. Uttara was commanded to leave the people, and never use her spirit self again. Uttara was a strong woman, but the chief's warriors outnumbered her. She had no choice but to leave. The furious outcast hid in the forest nearby, waiting for a chance to get revenge against the chief.

"Even in times of peace, the Spirit Chief was vigilant in protecting her people. Often, she would go to a sacred, secret place in the mountains. She would leave her body behind and sweep down through the forests and along the coast, making sure no threat approached.

"One day when Tahiya Aki left to perform this duty, Uttara followed. At first, Uttara simply planned to kill the chief, but this plan had its drawbacks. Surely the spirit warriors would seek to destroy her, and they could follow faster than she could escape. As she hid in the rocks and watched the chief prepare to leave her body, another plan occurred to her.

"Tahiya Aki left her body in the secret place and flew with the winds to keep watch over her people. Uttara waited until he was sure the chief had traveled some distance with her spirit self.

"Tahiya Aki knew it the instant that Uttara had joined her in the spirit world, and she also knew Uttara's murderous plan. She raced back to er secret place, but even the winds weren't fast enough to save her. When she returned, her body was already gone. Uttara's body lay abandoned, but Uttara had not left Tahiya Aki with an escape – she had cut her own body's throat with Tahiya Aki's hands.

"Tahiya Aki followed her body down the mountain. She screamed at Uttara, but Uttara ignored her

as if she were mere wind.

"Tahiya Aki watched with despair as Uttara took her place as chief of the Quileutes. For a few weeks, Uttara did nothing but make sure that everyone believed she was Tahiya Aki. Then the changes began – Uttara's first edict was to forbid any warrior to enter the spirit world. She claimed that she'd had a vision of danger, but really she was afraid. She knew that Tahiya Aki would be waiting for the chance to tell her story. Uttara was also afraid to enter the spirit world herself, knowing Tahiya Aki would quickly claim her body. So her dreams of conquest with a spirit warrior army were impossible, and she sought to content herself with ruling over the tribe. She became a burden – seeking privileges that Tahiya Aki had never requested, refusing to work alongside her warriors, taking on two additional lovers, though Tahiya Aki's husband lived on – something unheard of in the tribe. Tahiya Aki watched in helpless fury.

"Eventually, Tahiya Aki tried to kill her body to save the tribe from Uttara's excesses. She brought a fierce wolf down from the mountains, but Uttara hid behind her warriors. When the wolf killed a young woman who was protecting the false chief, Tahiya Aki felt horrible grief. She ordered the wolf away.

"All the stories tell us that it was no easy thing to be a spirit warrior. It was more frightening than exhilarating to be freed from one's body. This is why they only used their magic in times of need. The chief's solitary journeys to keep watch were a burden and a sacrifice. Being bodiless was disorienting, uncomfortable, horrifying. Tahiya Aki had been away from her body for so long at this point that she was in agony. She felt she was doomed – never to cross over to the final land where her ancestors waited, stuck in this torturous nothingness forever.

"The great wolf followed Tahiya Aki's spirit as she twisted and writhed in agony through the woods. The wolf was very large for its kind, and beautiful. Tahiya Aki was suddenly jealous of the dumb animal. At least it had a body. At least it had a life. Even life as an animal would be better than this horrible empty consciousness.

"And then Tahiya Aki had the idea that changed us all. She asked the great wolf to make room for her, to share. The wolf complied. Tahiya Aki entered the wolf's body with relief and gratitude. It was not her human body, but it was better than the void of the spirit world.

"As one, the woman and the wolf returned to the village on the harbor. The people ran in fear, shouting for the warriors to come. The warriors ran to meet the wolf with their spears. Uttara, of course, stayed safely hidden.

"Tahiya Aki did not attack his warriors. She retreated slowly from them, speaking with her eyes and trying to yelp the songs of her people. The warriors began to realize that the wolf was no ordinary animal, that there was a spirit influencing it. One older warrior, a woman name Yukina, decided to disobey the false chief's order and try to communicate with the wolf.

"As soon as Yukina crossed to the spirit world, Tahiya Aki left the wolf – the animal waited tamely for

her return – to speak to her. Yukina gathered the truth in an instant, and welcomed her true chief home.

"At this time, Uttara came to see if the wolf had been defeated. When she saw Yukina lying lifeless on the ground, surrounded by protective warriors, she realized what was happening. She drew her knife and raced forward to kill Yukina before she could return to her body.

"'Traitor,' she screamed, and the warriors did not know what to do. The chief had forbidden spirit journeys, and it was the chief's decision how to punish those who disobeyed.

"Yukina jumped back into her body, but Uttara had her knife at her throat and a hand covering her mouth. Tahiya Aki's body was strong, and Yukina was weak with age. Yukina could not say even one word to warn the others before Uttara silenced her forever.

"Tahiya Aki watched as Yukina's spirit slipped away to the final lands that were barred to Tahiya Aki for all eternity. She felt a great rage, more powerful than anything she'd felt before. She entered the big wolf again, meaning to rip Uttara's throat out. But, as she joined the wolf, the greatest magic happened.

"Tahiya Aki's anger was the anger of a human. The love she had for her people and the hatred she had

for their oppressor were too vast for the wolf's body, too human. The wolf shuddered, and – before the eyes of the shocked warriors and Uttara – transformed into a woman.

"The new woman did not look like Tahiya Aki's body. She was far more glorious. She was the flesh interpretation of Tahiya Aki's spirit. The warriors recognized her at once, though, for they had flown with Tahiya Aki's spirit.

"Uttara tried to run, but Tahiya Aki had the strength of the wolf in her new body. She caught the thief and crushed the spirit from her before she could jump out of the stolen body.

"The people rejoiced when they understood what had happened. Tahiya Aki quickly set everything right, working again with her people and giving the young men back to their families. The only change she kept in place was the end of the spirit travels. She knew that it was too dangerous now that the idea of stealing a life was there. The spirit warriors were no more.

"From that point on, Tahiya Aki was more than either wolf or woman. They called her Tahiya Aki the Great Wolf, or Tahiya Aki the Spirit Woman. She led the tribe for many, many years, for she did not age. When danger threatened, she would resume her wolf-self to fight or frighten the enemy. The people dwelt in peace. Tahiya Aki fathered many daughters, and some of these found that, after they had reached the age of adulthood, they, too, could transform into wolves. The wolves were all different, because they were spirit wolves and reflected the man they were inside."

"So that's why Sam is all black," Quilla muttered under her breath, grinning. "Black heart, black fur."

I was so involved in the story, it was a shock to come back to the present, to the circle around the dying fire. With another shock, I realized that the circle was made up of Tahiya Aki's great – to however many degrees – granddaughter and one grandson, because somehow, the magic had returned to the men after all this time in the form of Lee.

The fire threw a volley of sparks into the sky, and they shivered and danced, making shapes that were almost decipherable.

"And your chocolate fur reflects what?" Sam whispered back to Quilla. "How  _sweet_ you are?"

Bonnie ignored their jibes. "Some of the daughters became warriors with Tahiya Aki, and they no longer aged. Others, who did not like the transformation, refused to join the pack of wolf-women. These began to age again, and the tribe discovered that the wolf-women could grow old like anyone else if they gave up their spirit wolves. Tahiya Aki had lived the span of three old women's lives. She had married a third husband after the deaths of the first two, and found in him her true spirit wife. Though he had loved the others, this was something else. She decided to give up her spirit wolf so that she would die when he did.

"That is how the magic came to us, but it is not the end of the story..."

She looked at Old Quilla Ateara, who shifted in her chair, straightening her frail shoulders. Bonnie took a drink from a bottle of water and wiped her forehead. Elliott's pen scribbled furiously in his notebook as it had for the entire length of the story as it was told.

"That was the story of the spirit warriors," Old Quilla began in a reedy alto voice. "This is the story of the third husband's sacrifice.

"Many years after Tahiya Aki gave up her spirit wolf, when she was an old woman, trouble began in the north, with the Makahs. Several young men of their tribe had disappeared, and they blamed it on the neighboring wolves, who they feared and mistrusted. The wolf-women could still read each other's thoughts while in their wolf forms, just like their ancestors had while in their spirit forms. They knew that none of their number was to blame. Tahiya Aki tried to pacify the Makah chief, but there was too much fear. Tahiya Aki did not want to have a war on her hands. She was no longer a warrior to lead her

people. She charged her oldest wolf-daughter, Tahiya Wi, with finding the true culprit before hostilities began.

"Tahiya Wi led the five other wolves in her pack on a search through the mountains, looking for any evidence of the missing Makahs. They came across something they had never encountered before – a strange, sweet scent in the forest that burned their noses to the point of pain."

I'd spent enough time with Jules and the others to recognize, with a wry smile, that Quilla was talking about a vampire, about my kind.

"They did not know what creature would leave such a scent, but they followed it," Old Quilla continued. Her quavering voice did not have the majesty of Bonnie's, but it had a strange, fierce edge of urgency about it.

"They found faint traces of human scent, and human blood, along the trail. They were sure this was the enemy they were searching for.

"The journey took them so far north that Tahiya Wi sent half the pack, the younger ones, back to the harbor to report to Tahiya Aki.

"Tahiya Wi and her two sisters did not return.

"The younger sisters searched for their elders, but found only silence. Tahiya Aki mourned for her daughters. She wished to avenge her daughters' deaths, but she was old. She went to the Makah chief in her mourning clothes and told the chief everything that had happened. The Makah chief believed her grief, and tensions ended between the tribes.

"A year later, two Makah boys disappeared from their homes on the same night. The Makahs called on the Quileute wolves at once, who found the same sweet stink all through the Makah village. The wolves went on the hunt again.

"Only one came back. She was Yahaira Uta, the oldest daughter of Tahiya Aki's third husband, and the youngest in the pack. She brought something with her that had never been seen in all the days of the Quileutes – a strange, cold, stony corpse that she carried in pieces. All who were of Tahiya Aki's blood, even those who had never been wolves, could smell the piercing smell of the dead creature. This was the enemy of the Makahs.

"Yahaira Uta described what had happened: she and her sisters had found the creature, who looked like a woman but was hard as a granite rock, with the two Makah boys. One boy was already dead, white and bloodless on the ground. The other was in the creature's arms, her mouth at his throat. He may have been alive when they came upon the hideous scene, but the creature quickly snapped the boy's neck and tossed his lifeless body to the ground when they approached. Her white lips were covered in his blood, and her eyes glowed red.

"Yahaira Uta described the fierce strength and speed of the creature. One of her sisters quickly became a victim when she underestimated that strength. The creature ripped her apart like a doll. Yahaira Uta and her other sister were more wary. They worked together, coming at the creature from the sides, outmaneuvering it. They had to reach the very limits of their wolf strength and speed, something that had never been tested before. The creature was hard as stone and cold as ice. They found that only their teeth could damage it. They began to rip small pieces of the creature apart while it fought them.

"But the creature learned quickly, and soon was matching their maneuvers. It got its hands on Yahaira

Uta's sister. Yahaira Uta found an opening on the creature's throat, and she lunged. Her teeth tore the head off the creature, but the hands continued to mangle her sister.

"Yahaira Uta ripped the creature into unrecognizable chunks, tearing pieces apart in a desperate attempt to save her sister. She was too late, but, in the end, the creature was destroyed.

"Or so they thought. Yahaira Uta laid the reeking remains out to be examined by the elders. One severed hand lay beside a piece of the creature's granite arm. The two pieces touched when the elders poked them with sticks, and the hand reached out towards the arm piece, trying to reassemble itself.

"Horrified, the elders set fire to the remains. A great cloud of choking, vile smoke polluted the air. When there was nothing but ashes, they separated the ashes into many small bags and spread them far and wide – some in the ocean, some in the forest, some in the cliff caverns. Tahiya Aki wore one bag around her neck, so she would be warned if the creature ever tried to put herself together again."

Old Quilla paused and looked at Bonnie. Bonnie pulled out a leather thong from around her neck. Hanging from the end was a small bag, blackened with age. A few people gasped. The instant Bonnie had pulled the item out, the scent from it wafted to me and – even after who knew how many centuries – I could smell the scent of a vampire mixed in with the smells of leather and smoke. Minus the leather of the pouch it was a smell I recognized all too well.

"They called it The Cold One, the Blood Drinker, and lived in fear that it was not alone. They only had one wolf protector left, young Yahaira Uta.

"They did not have long to wait. The creature had a mate, another blood drinker, who came to the Quileutes seeking revenge.

"The stories say that the Cold Man was the most handsome thing human eyes had ever seen. He

looked like the father spirit when he entered the village that morning; the sun was shining for once, and it glittered off hit white skin and lit the golden hair that flowed halfway down his back. His face was magical in its beauty, his eyes black in his white face. Some fell to their knees to worship him.

"He asked something in a high, piercing voice, in a language no one had ever heard. The people were dumbfounded, not knowing how to answer him. There was none of Tahiya Aki's blood among the witnesses but one small girl. She clung to her father and screamed that the smell was hurting her nose. One of the elders, on her way to council, heard the girl and realized what had come among them. She yelled for the people to run. He killed her first.

"There were twenty witnesses to the Cold Man's approach. Two survived, only because he grew distracted by the blood, and paused to sate his thirst. They ran to Tahiya Aki, who sat in counsel with the other elders, her daughters, and her third husband.

"Yahaira Uta transformed into her spirit wolf as soon as she heard the news. She went to destroy the blood drinker alone. Tahiya Aki, her third husband, her daughters, and her elders followed behind her.

"At first they could not find the creature, only the evidence of his attack. Bodies lay broken, a few drained of blood, strewn across the road where he'd appeared. Then they heard the screams and hurried to the harbor.

"A handful of the Quileutes had run to the ships for refuge. He swam after them like a shark, and broke the bow of their boat with his incredible strength. When the ship sank, he caught those trying to swim away and broke them, too.

"He saw the great wolf on the shore, and he forgot the fleeing swimmers. He swam so fast he was a blur and came, dripping and glorious, to stand before Yahaira Uta. He pointed at her with one white finger and asked another incomprehensible question. Yahaira Uta waited.

"It was a close fight. He was not the warrior his mate had been. But Yahaira Uta was alone – there was no one to distract his fury from her.

"When Yahaira Uta lost, Tahiya Aki screamed in defiance. She limped forward and shifted into an ancient, white-muzzled wolf. The wolf was old, but this was Tahiya Aki the Spirit Woman, and her rage made her strong. The fight began again.

"Tahiya Aki's third husband had just seen his son die before him. Now his wife fought, and he had no hope that she could win. He'd heard every word the witnesses to the slaughter had told the council. He'd heard the story of Yahaira Uta's first victory, and knew that her sister's diversion had saved her.

"The third husband grabbed a knife from the belt of one of the daughters who stood beside him. They were all young girls, not yet women, and he knew they would die when their mother failed.

"The third husband ran toward the Cold Man with the dagger raised high. The Cold Man smiled, barely distracted from his fight with the old wolf. He had no fear of the weak human man or the knife that would not even scratch his skin, and he was about to deliver the death blow to Tahiya Aki.

"And then the third husband did something the Cold Man did not expect. He fell to his knees at the blood drinker's feet and plunged the knife into his own heart.

"Blood spurted through the third husband's fingers and splashed against the Cold Man. The blood drinker could not resist the lure of the fresh blood leaving the third husband's body. Instinctively, he turned to the dying man, for one second entirely consumed by thirst.

"Tahiya Aki's teeth closed around his neck.

"That was not the end of the fight, but Tahiya Aki was not alone now. Watching their father die, two young daughters felt such rage that they sprang forth as their spirit wolves, though they were not yet women. With their mother, they finished the creature.

"Tahiya Aki never rejoined the tribe. She never changed back to a woman again. She lay for one day beside the body of the third husband, growling whenever anyone tried to touch him, and then she went into the forest and never returned.

"Trouble with the cold ones was rare from that time on. Tahiya Aki's daughters guarded the tribe until their daughters were old enough to take their places. There were never more than three wolves at a time. It was enough. Occasionally a blood drinker would come through these lands, but they were taken by surprise, not expecting the wolves. Sometimes a wolf would die, but never were they decimated again like that first time. They'd learned how to fight the cold ones, and they passed the knowledge on, wolf mind to wolf mind, spirit to spirit, mother to daughter.

"Time passed, and the descendants of Tahiya Aki no longer became wolves when they reached adulthood. Only in a great while, if a cold one was near, would the wolves return. The cold ones always came in ones and twos, and the pack stayed small.

"A bigger coven came, and your own great-grandmothers prepared to fight them off. But the leader spoke to Emmaline Black as if she were a human, and promised not to harm the Quileutes. Her strange

yellow eyes gave some proof to her claim that they were not the same as other blood drinkers. The wolves were outnumbered; there was no need for the cold ones to offer a treaty when they could have won the fight. Emmaline accepted. They've stayed true to their end, though their presence does tend to draw in others.

"And their numbers have forced a larger pack than the tribe has ever seen," Old Quilla said, and for

one moment her black eyes, all but buried in the wrinkles of skin folded around them, seemed to rest

on me. "Even larger than Tahiya Aki's time," she said, and then she sighed. "And so the daughters of our tribe again carry the burden and share the sacrifice their mothers endured before them." Quilla's eyes rested on Lee's then before she added solemnly, "And our sons too, it seems."

There was a brief pause before Saul spoke.

"My wife, Holly, would normally tell this portion and it isn't always shared at the same time as the legends that were just shared, but all of us elders feel that it is essential that this portion is also told this evening. We have many legends of our history and our ancestors, and some of those legends are more quintessential than others. Throughout our legends though, one piece of our history has shown itself again and again, dating back to the time when men were spirit warriors along with women clear up through now – and that is the history of spirit mates, or imprints as we now call them. Our tribal warriors, be it in the days of spirit warriors or as the shape-shifters we are now, have always had the ability to find their true other half, or soulmate, if you will.

"Not all of our warriors are lucky enough to find their other half, but for those that have, it is a true blessing – and sometimes it can be a curse.

"Our legends teach us of times when these mates could not be together because of things outside of their control, either a parent refusing to allow the coupling or even their mate being in a rival tribe. In these instances our legends state that the bond can be painful – crippling even. It is not meant to be something that is ignored."

He looked at Brandy as he spoke and then his eyes turned to me.

"These legends also tell of times when these bonds were cut short, because of things outside of our warriors' control. Things such as illness and accidents causing deaths, but for our warriors they could still feel the tie to the person that they'd lost – some of the legends suggest that the warriors were so overwrought that they themselves died, while others suggest that the one left behind lived on because they knew it was what their mate would want."

Saul looked away from me.

"There have only been two times in our legends where a warrior found a second spirit mate, and in both cases it was many years later and with ones that had the same eyes as their first mates. There have been those of our elders over the years who have suggested it was reincarnation but I will neither agree nor disagree on that point.

"In our warriors today we see more that have found their soulmates – their imprints – than ever before, and to have found them is a gift. It is something to be treasured and valued above all else."

His eyes were back on Brandy who suddenly got up and stormed off.

The spell of the fire, or the elders' voices, or whatever else had been keeping everyone transfixed broke after Brandy got up. Some people got up and left while others started talking.

Quilla wrapped her arms around her legs but didn't move from where she was sitting on the rocks a little ways away. Jules got up and started to walk over to her friend but stopped after a couple of steps, turning to look back at me.

She looked between Quilla and me for a moment before shaking her head and stepping back over to me.

"Let's get out of here," she murmured.

…

We ended up back on the private beach, both of us walking side by side along the water.

"Is all of that why you believe I was meant to be your imprint?" I finally asked, regretting the decision almost immediately. Part of me didn't want to know, didn't want to see the writing on the giant wall I'd chosen to ignore for months, but I knew I needed to know – even if it did ruin everything.

Jules shrugged. "How do you want me to answer that?"

I scowled. "I want you to tell me the truth, Jules. I need to understand." I was certain we both knew I was lying about it being what I wanted.

"Beau, all I know is we have a chance here. I know this isn't what you've wanted, but the fact is that if she can move on in less than three months when I told her you'd be back by then..." Jules shook her head.

I pulled both of us to a stop and spun to stare at Jules. "What did you just say?" I didn't recognize my own voice, but I felt like Jules had just punched me in the chest.

She grimaced. "Beau... when you showed up I went to the Cullens and I told them you'd shown up. You know that. Well I wanted Edythe to come get you that day, but she was insistent that you'd said you'd come back to her on your own. So –" Jules gave me a disparaging look "– I  _know_  you, Beau. And I knew you hadn't really taken that second chance with her yet that we once talked about. I told her you would be back and that it would probably be in less than three months."

I suddenly couldn't breath. It was as if every time I thought I'd had the last of my beliefs and hopes pulled out from under me, I managed to discover another one just when it was ripped away.

"I guess I overestimated her. But you're here and I'm here..." She shrugged.

I couldn't respond because I didn't know how to. I'd always known that love hurt, it was just one of those things I'd picked up on over the years of watching sketchy Hallmark movies with my mom as well as reading the romance books that left her crying and the science fiction books that freaked her out so much. But I'd never realized before what it felt like to feel every last vestige of hope and desire crack. I could almost feel my heart being shredded. That was how real the sensation was to me.

The water was over twenty feet to the west from me, but I might as well have been in it, because I was drowning – completely submerged. There was nothing left for me to pull myself up, no metaphorical foothold for me to use...

The only lifeline I had left was the small amount of humanity that I was able to hold onto by patrolling with the wolves.

I opened my mouth to tell her I'd stay but Jules suddenly stepped forward and kissed me before I even had a chance to react. In that instant I was so lost – so deep in the water – that I reached out towards the one thing that was being offered to me... It was the only excuse I had for kissing her back.

Her hand tangled in my hair as I started to kiss her back, my lips moved with hers for maybe two seconds before I took in a small breath with my nose.

I smelled the same stench I always did from her, but underneath it was a scent that the predatory part of my instincts recognized as weakness – standing toe to toe with me, only a couple of inches between her body and mine, her throat and my mouth had mere inches of separation. Suddenly Jules wasn't my friend, wasn't the person kissing me, wasn't someone that I trusted with my life. In that instant, I was a predator and she was simply my prey, nothing more. My mouth flooded with venom.

I shoved her back with both my hands, stepping backwards fast. I didn't dare take another breath, didn't even dare to look and see if I hurt her on accident.

"Beau?" she asked, and I heard as she stepped forward.

"Stay back," I hissed. There was nothing human in the way I sounded, I was simply a monster, the same monster I'd discovered I was three months ago.

"We're both fine. And you managed to kiss me back. We actually did it. We  _can_  make this work."

I shook my head stepping even farther away from her. "I almost killed you, Jules. Another second and I _would_   _have_. We will never work. Staying with the pack will never work. I'm leaving."

"What? But we did fine. It's not like a vampire and a shifter is an exact science. We'll get better."

"NO!" I shouted the word, not caring if anyone was still on the cliff within hearing distance. "I'm leaving. I won't go to Alaska because I promised, but I am leaving. If you follow I  _will_  put you down like the dog you are. Do not test me. I promise it isn't a bluff." I could hear the malice in my words and I hated myself for it, but she had to believe I'd follow through – as it was the only thing that would save her life, I knew that much for certain.

The shock in her eyes was impossible to not see as I spun and fled away from Jules.

…

I headed south, not even stopping at the cabin to grab my backpack on my way out of town.

I hit Willapa Bay before I finally stopped briefly. I didn't know where I was going. It was the only thought that pulled me up short. I had no idea where I was running to.

I'd promised Jules I wouldn't go to Alaska, so I had no refuge. I supposed I could go back to Romania – I was pretty sure the two ancients would be happy to welcome me back – but I was heading in the wrong direction to be going there.

Then I remembered Archie's words to me from three and a half months ago.

_"I know what you're going to ask. And I promise to try to not look for your future while you're gone. But I want you to know that I see you in Mexico in a year with this path that you're currently on."_

I smiled to myself. It turned out Archie was going to be right about  _something_. I chuckled to myself, though there was no humor in the laugh. Love was always supposed to be enough to conquer all... being a protector should have been enough... my own will should have been...

None of it had been though.

The only option I had left to embrace was the monster in me.

I squared my shoulders, preparing to take off again.

"Beau!" Edythe's voice shouted.

I spun, fully expecting to find nothing – expecting it to be a figment of my imagination the way it always was when her voice called out to stop me, help me, or be there for me in any sort of way.

She stood no more than a hundred feet from me. I blinked, taking a step back.

"You aren't real." I barely mouthed the words, but it was true. It had to be. Edythe had stopped fighting  _for me_  the day I'd become a vampire... and she no longer even loved me. She'd have no reason to come now. I was certain of that. I took another step back.

Edythe slowly walked forward, putting her hands out in a placating gesture. "I know I'm a little late, Beau. But I'm here now. I want you to come home with me."

I shook my head. "I don't have a home."

"You do. With me." She stopped only a few feet in front of me. "I'm sorry, Beau. I'm a woman of my time and back when I was human it was the woman's job to keep the house, to be faithful, to wait... It's no excuse, but I didn't realize that you're just as much of your time as I am of mine. I never even thought that what you really needed all along was just for me to follow."

I could hear the words, could even understand the meaning in the broad sense, but they didn't make sense with what I'd seen at her house, unless... "This is about you feeling guilty, isn't it?"

Her eyes narrowed and I saw one of her hands twitch ever so slightly – giving me the distinct impression she felt like slapping me. "This isn't about guilt," she snapped. "I'm here for you. To bring you  _home_. Where you belong."

I could feel a traitorous unfurling of hope somewhere in my chest, yearning to grab hold of what she was offering with both hands and damn anything else. But... "I saw you with him."

Her brow furrowed in what appeared to be confusion. "Saw who?"

It wasn't the reaction I was expecting from her and it caused my next words to be uncertain. "I came to the house... last night, I guess it was... hoping to find you, to see if there was any chance there was still a chance for us. I was planning to apologize for how stubborn I'd been, to tell you everything, and to beg for a second chance... but I saw a man in a green velvet jacket with curly red hair get out of a low to the ground black sports car that looked extremely foreign. I... saw you kiss him on both cheeks and him return the favor... It looked so private and intimate. I heard you tell him how glad you were that he could join you. I fled because I couldn't watch anything else, but I know what I saw." Well... I'd thought I'd known what I'd seen.

For a moment she frowned in consternation, muttering, "At least now I know why Archie's vision vanished." Then she smiled widely. "We really have the worst luck. You and I."

"What?" I was thoroughly confused.

"It's too bad you didn't arrive about five minutes after you apparently must have. Then you would have known why he was there. His name is Magnus and he's one of our Irish friends. I called him here because I thought he could shed some light on  _us_. I guess I should have actually thought ahead and warned you, but what could possibly be the odds of you happening to show up right then." She shook her head.

"What do you mean?" My confusion hadn't lessened any – except for the name that I recognized from the plane ride to get to Italy to save Edythe.

"Magnus has a very special gift that allows him to know what's true what's not. I needed his gift. I'll be the first to admit that it truly doesn't say much for my intuition without  _my_  gift and without Archie's talents..." Her words were very wry. "But I had to know if you'd be better off with Jules, I had to know if you and I were meant to be, and I had to know if I should have been chasing you this whole time – as well as a few other things. He confirmed which parts were true and which parts weren't. And I'm sorry. I should have known what you were needing all along. It just didn't occur to me."

I took a single step forward before I stopped, refusing to give legs to my hope. "But the kiss?" It refused to leave my mind.

"I was saying hello, Beau. It's not an uncommon greeting in Europe."

It felt as if a pressing weight on my chest vanished and I almost took the last couple of steps to her, but then I thought about how I'd just kissed Jules no more than two hours prior and I remembered the secrets I was keeping from her. I stepped backwards, shaking my head. "You two looked good together. He'd be better for you than me. I'm not –" I paused, swallowing as I looked down "– I can't be what you need."

"Even you don't believe that lie, Beau," she said softly taking a step closer to me.

"I've done things, Edythe... things that can only be described as monstrous."

"I know about Mele, Beau. I've known since your reaction in Denali. I didn't confront you at the time because I wanted you to come to me about it on your own. But I'm not going to let you run to Mexico just because you feel guilty, Beau. You were still a newborn at the time and you witnessed me being tortured and threatened. There's nothing wrong with what you did."

I shook my head though because there was more to it than just Mele. "There's more to it than that."

"Then tell me, Beau."

I looked up at her, my fear of what her reaction would be causing me to lash out with the words. "I turned someone and walked away."


	13. Chapter 12 - Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: So, it's finally time for Beau's story. Bits and pieces have been revealed throughout the previous chapters, but here it is finally coming together. Just like Edythe and Beau finally are (no, not in that way, get your minds out of the gutter). This has been slow to come, but hopefully this chapter does it justice. For people who are wondering why I went down in the Julie rabbit hole with this story is because, as much as I love Charlie, I truly believe that a large part of why Bella kept going back to Jacob over and over again was because of Charlie's encouragement. Even though Charlie still has a part in my story, he currently has no direct part in Beau's life as he still believes Beau is dead. So for me to give that triangular effect to my story, I had to go a different route. Beau won't be going back to Julie anymore – though she'll still have a large part in the story – but Beau's time with Jules has come to close. I've grown to like her character so much that I really feel that she's getting the raw end of the deal here... but that's just how it had to play out.
> 
> For anyone wondering about Jules side to things (especially the events that occurred before the start of this book). A missing moment called A Black Decision will be posted on the site in a couple of weeks. Or you can read it now on my blog. The last piece is going to be posted tonight.

**Chapter 12 – Time**

Edythe's brow furrowed slightly. "What do you mean you turned someone? How?"

I shook my head. "You know how turning works, Edythe. I bit someone and then didn't bother to kill them."

"That isn't what I mean, Beau. Weren't you hunting humans at the time? How did you actually stop yourself from killing someone?"

"Unintentionally." I looked away from her, facing towards the bay.

She let out a soft noise that I couldn't quite describe as being a sigh as it was somewhere between a noise of frustration and resignation. "Beau, please just talk to me – tell me what happened after you left."

I closed my eyes for a moment before I finally nodded in ascent, opening them back up.

"You know why I left, or at least the bare bone reason of it. I was wrecked, not only from the fact that I killed that human in Volterra but some of the things I had done before Archie and I went to rescue you in Volterra. Specifically destroying that immortal child, Dahlia. She had looked so innocent and ethereal... even with her clothes entirely stained in blood. I did it because I knew it had to be done – knew she couldn't be allowed to live, but for all of that, I hated myself for doing it. To some extent, I blamed myself for the little girl having ever been turned, as it wouldn't have happened if Victor wasn't so fixated on getting revenge against me." I shook my head, trying not to dwell on the little girl. "After all of us came back from Volterra I started to notice something else. I didn't just want another hit of human blood – it felt like I needed it with a desperation that I didn't understand. Still don't actually.

"I remembered how all of you told me about your own experiences with the bloodlust for humans – from you telling me about your time hunting criminals, to Jessamine's vivid descriptions and even Eleanor's numerous mistakes. And none of your descriptions matched how I was feeling. It was as if there was this new part of my physical and psychological makeup, or perhaps a previously controlled and repressed part, that was more consuming for me. The week I stayed in Forks with you before finally taking off again was almost completely impossible for me. The pain in my throat... the need to feed on a human again, was all consuming.

"When I decided to leave, I was relatively certain I was going to kill again, which was why I asked Archie not to watch out for my future while I was gone. Before I left though he said that he saw me in Mexico within a year with the path I was on. I truly meant what I told you when I left, that I'd planned on gaining perspective and then someday coming back to you...

"But as I was driving south with no particular destination in my mind, things started to line up for me, and I didn't like the conclusion I was reaching. According to what I've learned about most of Archie's visions, he saw me becoming a vampire more than anything else, but all the other times he saw me dying young. In fact, even in the singular future that he saw which ended with me living a semi-fulfilling human life I stilled died fairly young from brain cancer. If marrying McKayla Newton could ever be considered fulfilling..." I sneered at the thought of the idea.

"Of the numerous visions that Archie had with me becoming a vampire, many of them ended with me being some sort of complete monster. In one vision I even ended up apparently letting you die, in Archie's first ever vision of me I massacred Forks, and in more than one I've ended up in Mexico and taking control with some vampire who is supposed to already be dead.

"The longer I contemplated this fact, the more I wondered if maybe the real future that I should have embraced was a young death – wouldn't that be better than ruining hundreds or thousands of lives? It was part of why I ended up sinking my car off the coast in California."

I heard Edythe let out a pained gasp as I took a breath, but I didn't dare look at her or pause because I knew if I did then I'd never be able to admit the full details of what a monster I truly was.

"You have to understand that even though I wasn't happy with the realizations I was making, I was actually still soul searching at that point. I hadn't  _decided_  on anything for sure. So I continued to Florida. I wanted – needed even – to see my mom, to find out if she was doing alright. She is by the way. She actually was working on paperwork to adopt a child while I watched from a careful distance. I even watched Phil coach a little league game on a shockingly cloudy day." I smiled at the memory. "Of course, by then it had been almost two weeks since we left Volterra and I was starving. There really isn't much in the way of large game in Florida, and even if there was... I'm not sure I could have made myself kill a disgusting smelling animal... Not then, anyways.

"About a block from my mom's house was a man with a meth lab. I'm actually surprised the people in the houses around his didn't notice the stench. I mean I know that a vampire's nose is far more powerful than a human's but even so... they should have smelled it. I killed him and I don't regret it, it's more that I regret the fact that killing the man doesn't bother me." I shook my head at my own equivocal answer.

"After that I flew to Europe. I spent the first week just visiting different cities with no real plan or thought process. I was just there to see different sights and such. I did end up killing two people in Europe. I followed one after they left a bar in France and the other was someone in Slovenia. Once again, I don't regret killing either of them, though part of me knows I should. But for some reason it's almost like while I was in Europe I just embraced that monster and left my humanity by the wayside.

"I didn't realize where I was heading originally. I was just traveling... at least that's all I thought I was doing until I ended up in Romania. Once I crossed into Romania their scent was everywhere. I thought Volterra smelled strongly of vampires, but it was nothing like the way Romania smells. It's only two vampires, at least only two still alive, but their scents permeate the land in a way that I've never smelled before. It's not like Volterra, not like our property – I mean your family's house – and not like the Denalis.

"Those are the only comparisons I even have and I guess of them Volterra was the closest, but that's such a small area when compared to the entirety of Romania. I don't know how to describe it, but it was like the entire country had this subtle smell of lavender, ash, and vanilla. I remember that first realization, that first scent, almost as if I was still there even now. I know that sounds strange given that we have instant recall on anything we want to remember, but it was almost as if it was something entirely  _more_.

"My instincts were torn on what to do. Part of me wanted to run from the country, to go somewhere else – anywhere else – I probably should have listened to that part of me, but I didn't. The other part of me was stronger, the curious part. After all, in at least one future vision Archie had seen me creating a pact with these two vampires, essentially befriending them. I wanted to know  _why them._ I needed to know even. So I tracked the scent. You have to understand, even as I was seeking them out I had no specific goal in mind. I just wanted to meet them.

"They were easier to find than they should have been. I'm pretty sure that was because they were curious as to who was stupid enough to come into their territory. I... don't know if I have a proper descriptor for them. To the naked eye, I'm sure that both of them would seem very plain, normal even. Neither of them were what would be described as beautiful. I'm still not truly sure which one was the leader. The Romanians are named Stefania and Vasilisa. They're both about five and a half feet tall. Vasilisa has long blond hair, a face on the chubbier side, and is the slightest bit overweight, at least by today's standards, though I suspect at the time she was turned it would be considered the weight of someone who had money. Stefania was skinnier than Vasilisa all around and had long dark brown hair that she kept in a braid the entire time I was with them. They both had powdery pale skin the same way as the Volturi leaders, but unlike the Volturi leaders, their eyes were clear of the smog like affect that the Volturi leaders suffered from. Neither of them wore anything that would stick out, wearing outfits that could have been hundreds of years old for all I know. Neither has any type of gift. In spite of their very plain stature, they practically breathed power – a dead and long forgotten power, but it was still there. I could feel it's presence, rising and falling in the land, all because of them and their existence in that country.

"They were as curious of me as I was of them. I think it's what saved my life long enough to actually talk with them. I told them about Archie's vision and what he saw me doing with them – that he saw me possibly someday working beside them to destroy the Volturi. They were highly interested in that fact, and really wanted to know what power I had that could help them to win a war of that magnitude. I explained how I'd managed to shield you from Alec's torturous gift and how I suspected that with time I'd eventually be able to push my shield out and shield more than just one or two other people.

"It wasn't enough. At least it wasn't in my mind. I needed to prove that I was useful and I needed some sort of vindication... I guess. I don't really know how to explain where my mind went. At the time I would have sworn that it was some desire to get justice for the family that had lost their lives in Volterra because of my mistake, for the woman I was forced to kill, but now I suspect maybe I was looking for revenge for the torture done to you and the threats. I just... am not sure.

"I told them that I'd help commit a preemptive strike and help them to take out a member of the Volturi. At first, in spite of their obvious intrigue in my words and ideas, they were unwilling to believe that I was being honest. So I did the math on who was the most dangerous to other vampires in the long run. Obviously, several members of the guard can easily appear in the short list; Jane, Alec, Demeter, and Mele. I don't know what made me decide on Mele exactly but it was what came out of my mouth.

"I wish I could properly describe exactly how their eyes lit up as if I just gave them the best present possible, but there just isn't words. They told me they knew someone on the inside of Volterra who could help me, and by extension them, to get this very thing done. They said they'd arrange the meeting but that I'd have to be the one to meet this person, that they wouldn't be able to go that close to Volterra.

"So I went to the meeting place and the person that was there shocked the hell out of me. I was expecting anyone but who it actually was – seeing Marcus would have been less of a shock." I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. "The person I met was Hammond. He is the one that brings humans to the Volturi for easy slaughter. I'm sure you remember seeing him. Well, apparently Hammond's gift – subtle though it is – is actually strong enough to keep him from ever having touched Sulpicia's hand. Apparently he told her that she could trust him and didn't need to read his mind, and because of how powerful his glamour is, she believed him. It makes him the ultimate inner mole.

"The meeting was very stiff and awkward, but he agreed to bring me Mele, and one other. He said that someone had to take the fall for Mele's death and he couldn't allow them to start to suspect him. His glamour – a gift that all of us have to some extent – is extremely powerful and it makes him able to influence vampires and werewolves almost as easily as he can influence a human. But it's not infallible and if too much suspicion was risen against him than most likely he'd stop being able to get away with the quiet game of mole that he's apparently played for centuries.

"The person that he decided to take the fall for this betrayal was the human secretary, Gavin. It was a very simple thing. He'd bring them both to Moldova and the human would have to die. It made sense because humans, unlike vampires, are far more likely to change their mind on a whim and do something stupid – like betray the Volturi.

"I took the info to my Romanian friends and they decided that I should kill the human and they'd kill Mele. I'll admit, by the time I'd ran back back to them in Romania I was starting to seriously wonder if I had the skill to kill a vampire such as Mele. Sure, I was capable of killing a vampire that had barely been created, but Mele had been alive for well over three thousand years. So, I agreed. It was easier to agree to let them kill Mele and me take care of the nuisance human than it should have been. At the time though... I was still semi-high on feeding on humans and it would be just one more death.

"I could practically see at that moment how my life would continue to spiral – how I'd continue to kill humans, never be able to return to you, and ultimately admit defeat and go to Mexico or somewhere else and become the very monster that I was so afraid of becoming. I couldn't see a way to fight it though.

"We met up with Hammond and his two entranced victims in Moldova just as we were supposed to, and after Hammond left they tore Mele in two. Literally. And they took her back into Romania while I knocked out Gavin and carried him back.

"I stood by and watched as they would tear one limb off piece by piece and then slowly tear another limb off in the same manner while they let the other limb heal. They tortured Mele for two days before they burned  _most_ of her body. There was something so disturbing and destructive, and yet so vindictive at the same time... It fed to the part of me that I still don't fully understand, and that terrified me.

"I could have, probably even should have, killed Gavin while they were torturing Mele. I didn't, instead I kept on making him pass out as I watched them. After they were done with Mele I decided to get it over with. It should have been simple – except he woke up just as I was about to bite him.

"I –" I shook my head trying to banish the memory, not that it did any good "– shouldn't have let him talk, but I did. He begged me not kill him, told me he had a family – elderly parents specifically – who needed him. I was completely determined to tune him out and kill him. It was the only thing I personally was supposed to do. So I bit him, and I think I swallowed maybe a couple mouthfuls of blood, but even though his blood tasted as good as any of the other humans that I had so far killed, his words made the blood seem sour in my mind. I pulled away.

"As he lay on the ground screaming I went to Stefania and Vasilisa and told them I hadn't been able to kill him but that he was turning. They said they'd take care of him, and the way they said it left me with little doubt on exactly how they planned to do that. I'd already seen them slowly destroy one immortal... I couldn't stick around and watch them do it again, so I left.

"I'm sure they destroyed him, there's no reason they wouldn't. Neither of them are like any of your family, or even like me. They  _aren't_  human, in any way. I was only with Vasilisa and Stefania for maybe a week, but in that short amount of time, it seemed to me that they were  _vampires_  in the most purest and truest sense of the word. They embrace that nature in a way that no one I've ever met does. Not the Volturi, not Victor, not even Peggy and Carlson, and certainly not your family or the Denalis. They were just  _different_.

"As I said, I'm sure they took care of him just the way they said they would... and yet, if they didn't destroy him then there's a vampire out there that  _I_ turned, a vampire that could be wrecking havoc on hundreds, if not thousands, of lives. It's true that Gavin knows more about vampires than most humans – after all, he worked for the Volturi – but he's still had no training. I'm responsible for him, but I shirked that. It seems like I'm good at that, at never being good enough at anything." I shrugged, not even glancing at Edythe. I knew that if I looked at her now I'd break down and beg for another chance, and I knew she'd said that Magnus was there to help her and she was now here for me, but I had no right to want anything from her anymore – no right to hope.

There was silence for a minute before Edythe placed her hand on my arm. "Tell me the rest, Beau. Why didn't you come home when you came back? I think I know, but I need to hear it."

"By the time I returned to Washington I was drowning, figuratively anyways. I didn't know which way was up anymore and I didn't know how to pull myself out. I think I'd actually given up trying even. So I went to my Dad's place, snuck in and said goodbye to him... that actually was the first good thing I felt I did since I left. He was asleep and obviously didn't hear me, at least not consciously, but being able to say some sort of goodbye finally gave me some peace. Especially since I know he's actually moving forward with his life now.

"After that, I almost returned home, but I couldn't do it. I knew the only way I could return was if I was able to admit to you what type of monster I really was and I just didn't have it in me. I didn't want to see you hate me. So I went the only other direction I saw available to me. Jules would tell it a different way, but I wanted Sam to find me, not her. I... thought it would be fitting restitution for this monstrosity that I really am. Of course, it wasn't Sam that showed up, it was Jules and she didn't even care that my eyes were red. It wasn't until more recently that that changed, after we got back from Denali and I finally told her the rest. While she doesn't really see the big deal about Mele... she'll never look at me the same now."

"Because you turned someone." Her words were soft, but I could still hear the pain in her voice.

I clenched my eyes tightly closed. "Yes. I believe her exact words were 'completely unforgivable.' Edythe..." I swallowed. "You have to understand, I knew that choosing to leave you for good, choosing to die, was extremely stupid. But I wanted you to live on. I wanted you to find happiness with someone, to have a chance at finding love again, and I knew Archie wouldn't see my death if the wolves did it so I thought maybe you'd have that chance. And if you somehow found out and decided you couldn't go on without me... well I figured I would wait at whatever gate I ended up at." My voice was quiet but I was sure she could hear me perfectly fine.

"Why was death preferable to telling me what happened? Did you honestly think I would judge you for it?"

I pulled my arm away from her, taking a step away from her. "Why wouldn't you? I certainly was unable to help but judge myself."

"You killed a handful of humans, Beau. I hunted humans for four years. Of the two of us, which of us do you think has the higher body count? And I know you don't judge me for that. Weren't the exact words you used that 'it sounds reasonable?'"

"You only killed murderers and rapists. I... didn't." One of them was a drug dealer, which probably made him a killer, on a technical level if nothing else, but that wasn't the point I was making.

"And would it matter to you if I'd told you that I'd just hunted random people those four years and hadn't cared who they were?" Her question sounded almost smug, as if she already knew what my answer would be.

I knew my immediate response was no, but I took a moment and thought about it so I could give her an actual answer. It was simple. "I would care... but more about how the guilt of how doing something like that might affect you – harm you – than about the fact that the humans who died."

"And why is that?" she asked softly.

"Because I love you and love is blind... and on top of that, it would still be reasonable. Rebellion, wanting to feed on humans, being a normal vampire... all of that is normal."

"Then why do you think I'd judge you for doing the same?"

"Because it wasn't the same," I ground out. "I helped in the destruction of a vampire that had existed for over three thousand years. I  _turned_  someone."

She stepped up to me, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me to face her. I opened my eyes to look at her warily. Her eyes were flashing with anger.

"Do you think for one second that if Joss was still alive that I wouldn't gladly tear her to shreds over and over again?"

"Of course you would, because you loved me more when I was human."

Her teeth snapped together and she gritted out through her teeth, "What. Does. That. Mean?"

I looked down since I couldn't shrug away from her grip this time. "It never made sense for you to love me. Even when I was human it didn't make sense. I was just an inept and socially awkward boy with minimal friends and zilch for a social life. And you were this angel. Not just you, but your whole family. And I mean more than looks. Your family in  _good_ , pure, and it's something I wasn't as a human and I'm still not now. When I was first turned I thought that maybe then I'd be enough, but it became so obvious that I wasn't enough and that I never would be. How could the freak that didn't even make a good vampire ever hope to keep your attention? Plus, I heard what you said when I first pushed you into the shadows in Volterra. You said you were in hell because I still smelled like a vampire... and that's okay. I get it. We're still bonded together in some way because of the mate bond or whatever but you don't see me the same anymore. You –"

Her hand slapped tightly over my mouth. "Shut up, Beau.  _That_ wasn't what I meant when I said that and Sulpicia's words were said with the intent of driving a wedge in us as well as in your psyche. It looks like she was successful on both counts. I said it was hell because if we had gone to heaven than we should have been beyond the... genetic makeup of flesh, I guess you could say. So neither of us should have smelled like vampires anymore. It had  _nothing_  to do with me not loving you. That was why I said I didn't care and that I'd take it. I love you, Beau. It isn't about you being or not being a vampire. I thought I made that clear to you after you were turned, Beau."

"How can you possibly love me when you don't even know who I am? I barely even know who I am," I mumbled the words around her hand.

"I know who you are, Beau. I know that the way you were turned left a lot of unresolved issues for you. I know that you came to save me even after I made one of the most egregious mistakes I'll probably ever make in my life. I know that you killing one human made you feel so guilty that it sent you into a tailspin. That was why I had an errant thought once that being a vampire would be hard for you, why I always wanted you to do that while I was there to help. But even though I was right there, I couldn't get through to you at the time. But, Beau, it's not that you aren't physically capable of killing or of fighting. You are, on both counts. It's that you are so... human that I worry about you. I don't want you to ever lose that part of you. It's what makes  _you_  pure and good. And I love that about you. But above all that, I know that  _you_  are  _mine_."

I shuddered. "But I turned someone..." The argument sounded weak even in my own ears, but I was so afraid to let my heart hope again, so afraid that a shoe was going to drop.

She shook me. "Beau, you listen to me and you listen good, because I'm only going to say this once. I. Do. Not. Care. Is that clear? I love you, even with your demons." Her voice was fierce.

"Then you really want me to come back home?" I still was fighting against hoping, but I was failing miserably because I'd stepped closer to her without even consciously deciding to do so.

"Yes." She sounded relieved that I was finally listening.

I pressed my forehead to hers, closing my eyes as her hands moved from my shoulders to my hips.

"Beau... what made you come back the night Magnus happened to arrive?"

I moved back enough to look at her. "It was something Victor had said a few days before, ironically enough. He mentioned how much he loved Joss, how she had made him happy... Something about it, about the way he said it, made me realize how foolish I've been. I had love, happiness, family even and I was letting it all slip away because of my own guilt. I wanted it back. So I decided to change. I decided to let it stop smothering me... to live. For me, for you, for us. But then I saw Magnus and you..."

"And that made you run."

I nodded my head, closing my eyes again.

She reached up, kissing me fiercely as she tangled one of her hands in my hair. I kissed her back just as fiercely; knotting my own hand in her hair. I wanted the kiss to last forever but when she pulled back only a minute later we were both breathing hard.

"No more running, please, Beau?"

I smiled softly. "No more running."

"Then let's go home."

She grabbed my hand. It felt warm and right in a way that my best friend's never had. It – her – was what I'd been missing all along. I squeezed her hand in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Slight ending note. I may be taking a very small break from this story as my muse has been very hateful as of late, which makes it extremely hard to write. (Hoping I won't, but I might)


	14. Chapter 13 - Newborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: This chapter and I have spent over a week and a half not speaking to each other. This chapter still isn't where I want it to be and it isn't as long as I'd like, but at this point I'm too aggravated at this chapter to try to continue it further. This chapter still shows a little bit of Beau's self loathing as he's still not gotten the final push he needs to fully let it go, but he's getting there. I could give a long winded explanation for why he's having such a hard time moving forward and being happy, but I'd really rather not devote half a chapter to it. I did explain some of my motivation on my blog for those that are interested though.

**Chapter 13 – Newborn**

"Do I have to tell them as well?" I asked nervously before we got to the house.

"If Archie hasn't already told them everything than they deserve to know, Beau. It'll be alright."

Every muscle in my body tensed but I'd said I wouldn't run anymore, so I squeezed her hand again. "Okay."

"Why are you worried, Beau? They won't judge you anymore than I have."

"Royal and Jessamine?"

"Jessamine understands sides of being a vampire that almost none of the rest of us do. She's not going to judge what you did, Beau."

"Even given the fact that it puts all of you at risk?"

"You're assuming that the Volturi are going to find out? If they'd been able to suss that out, they'd have already come here to kill you, Beau. At this point it's fair to say it's safe." There was humor in her voice as she spoke.

I glowered at Edythe for a moment. "This is not even slightly amusing Edythe."

"You helped to destroy one of the oldest members of the Volturi... I'm not a hundred percent certain that she wasn't older than the leaders of the Volturi even. I'm not sure that they'd try to come after you even if they did know you were part of it. Sulpicia values her life too much to risk it."

"But –"

"But nothing, Jessamine won't judge you." She cut me off, point blank.

"And Royal?"

She opened her mouth for a moment without saying anything before shrugging and finally stating, "He's Royal."

I let out a small chuckle under my breath and then sighed. "He and I have never been... in a good place. Not since I was changed, before that actually. He  _hates_  me, and nearest I can tell, it's not something I'm going to ever be able to fix. How tense is it going to be between him and I now?"

"Beau, everything will be fine, I promise."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I just don't want to be the cause for any further strife in your family's life."

She raised our combined hands and kissed the back of mine. "Then coming home is the right thing to do, Beau. Our family is  _missing you_. We need you home –  _I_  need you home."

"Then home is where I'll be, for however long you need."

"You're talking about forever," she said, her voice was hesitant in a way that I hated to hear because I knew I was the cause behind it.

I squeezed her hand again. "Then forever is how long it will be."

…

The Cullens reaction, with the exception of Archie, was closer to what I was expecting than what Edythe had been hoping for, I was sure.

I'd barely finished the bare bones of telling my tale once again when Royal stormed off angrily. I flinched at the sound of the sliding glass back door slamming shut suddenly.

Edythe squeezed my hand gently before speaking quickly to Eleanor, "Go after him because you don't want me to chase him down at the moment." There was barely restrained fury in her voice. I couldn't help but wonder at that moment what Edythe was hearing or had heard to cause such anger.

Eleanor shrugged and got up from the dining room table, then she came around the table and clapped her hand on my shoulder as she said, "There is a real vampire in you, after all."

I flinched again as Edythe ground her teeth together at Eleanor's casual comment.

"What you did isn't the end of the world, but the repercussions of such an action –"

"Stop it," Edythe said, cutting Carine off. "Not all of us our pacifists and even then most of us would react violently if our mate was threatened. It's in our nature as vampires."

I looked down and away from my family. "Look, I know what I did was reckless and stupid. I'm sorry for that, but at the time I wasn't thinking like I probably should have been. At the time..." I shrugged, because the truth was that whether had it been for revenge or justice, my guilt told me it was wrong and I had no excuse as a result. "I just don't know."

"You were being a newborn," Jessamine said, her voice quiet but firm.

I was so shocked by her words that I looked up towards her.

"We keep judging you as if you've had decades to assimilate to being a vampire because most of the time it feels that way. You awoke to this life in so much more control than  _any_ of us have ever seen before that we all often forget you are extremely young. But, the truth of the matter is you've been a vampire for less time than Archie has owned most of his shoes."

"HEY!" Archie exclaimed, sounding wounded.

In spite of the conversation, I chuckled.

At the end of the table, Carine sighed. "Jessamine's right. It's troubling, what you did, more because of the potential ramifications of such actions than anything else, but we're family and family sticks together."

I swallowed, looking down again. I didn't know how to respond to her words. I'd had a limited amount of family as before I was turned. Two parents and a single grandmother until I was eleven... and that was it. I knew, realistically, that my dad's parents had both been alive until I was about four, and while I was relatively certain I might have had a memory or two of them before I was turned, I couldn't remember them at all anymore. The thing was, my family hadn't stuck together.

It was something I'd had difficulty with when I'd first tried to settle into their family as I wasn't used to being in a family unit. It was something I still wasn't used to.

"This meeting is done," Edythe said and tugged on my hand so I got up with her. "Come on, let's go up to my room."

"Okay," I agreed willingly.

…

Once we were upstairs and in her bedroom she put on some music.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

I'd stayed away all this time afraid of not only causing strife with her but with her entire family as well and I hated that it looked like I was right, at least with the second part. I didn't need to be a mind reader to guess some of the thoughts that not only Royal had, but likely most of the others as well.

"Stop, Beau. You have nothing to be sorry for. They just need some time to digest it all. It's not the kind of thing any of us saw you as doing – and that's not a bad thing. We all see the good in you, the  _humanity_  in you if you will, and it's because of that that all of us have a hard time remembering that you are a predator too. We all get so used to the human facade we live by that we sometimes fail to realize just how instinctual our species is, and since you were so easily able to fall into that same facade as the rest of us... I think it's even harder for us to realize that the same is as true for you as it is for the rest of us.

"Actually... that's wrong. It's more true for you. You've only been a vampire for a little more than fourteen months and you already have found things that most vampires spend decades – if not centuries – searching for. You woke to this life already knowing who you love, who your mate is, and you had a family, a coven, from the beginning. It's true that most of our family had, at the minimum, family from the beginning, but we are all anomalies in that respect.

"The thing is that we,  _I_ , messed that up. I never should have left you the way I did. It's little wonder you reacted in such a way. All of it, everything was –"

I could tell exactly where she was taking her current train of thought so I slapped my hand over her mouth. "Stop it. I don't blame you. Not for any of it. We've both made mistakes... me more so than you."

Edythe's teeth clamped down on the palm of my hand.

I yanked my hand back, shaking it. "Ow! What was that for!?"

"I once told you that if you put your hand over my mouth to say something idiotic ever again I  _would_  bite you."

"And what was idiotic about that?"

"I'm not going to let you take the blame for what all started because of my own insecurities. It's no more your fault than it is mine, so don't you dare say otherwise."

"Edythe..." I trailed off. I didn't know what to say or where to go as I didn't want to keep hashing out the same things over and over. As I'd already stated, I didn't blame her.

The last few months had been a bad comedy of errors, for both of us. We'd both made mistakes, both made costly decisions, and both failed to understand the consequences of our actions. I knew there was no way for either of us to forget, but I wanted us to move forward and put it behind us. I just wasn't a hundred percent sure how to do that.

"I'm –"

I didn't get to finish my sentence because suddenly Edythe's lips were on mine.

She pulled back after a second to say, "Shut up, Beau." Then her lips were on mine again.

I kissed her back, my lips moving with hers. It was hardly our first kiss but it felt like a homecoming in a way that nothing since I'd been turned had, because for the first time we were both here – not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

I could feel her silken lips against mine and I moved my lips with hers gently. I could once again feel the burning need to practically accost her – the same burning desire that had been there all along, from the very first time she'd kissed me when I was human until that last time with the Denalis. I didn't  _want_  to attack her though, I just wanted to be with her.

I pulled her lower lip into my mouth, sucking on it. Her hands tangled in my hair and I could feel her nails scraping against my scalp as I opened my mouth to hers. Her tongue entered my mouth and I pressed my tongue against hers, they tangled in a way they really hadn't ever done before.

I reached up cupping the back of her neck even as my other hand gripped her hip. Her hands stroked down the back of my neck and down my back as we continued to kiss, our lips fused and moving together in synchronicity.

Her fingers lightly traced around the edge of my shirt as she pulled back slightly from the kiss. "I want this off," she murmured.

I could still feel her fingers dancing along the bottom hem of my shirt so I had no doubt as to what she meant. "Then take it off."

Her hands fisted the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up. I lifted my arms so she could get it off as she pulled it up over my head.

The instant it was off, part of me felt like blushing – I was quite certain I actually would be if I still had that capability. It was hardly the first time she'd seen me topless as there had been more than one occasion when I'd pulled my shirt off after hunting because it was shredded or drenched in blood – or both – but it was the first time it had ever happened in her bedroom. It was the first time it was in an intimate setting.

I moved to cross my arms over my chest self consciously when she kept staring and didn't say anything or go back to kissing me but she stopped me.

"Don't," she said softly. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Not here. Not with me."

She kissed my lips again before trailing kisses across my jaw and down my throat, pausing at the junction of my neck and shoulder before nipping lightly. Edythe didn't break my skin, I knew without any doubt that she'd never do that, but still the brief shock of pain made me gasp.

She used my surprise to her advantage as she pushed me backwards and onto her bed. As I sat back on the bed she straddled my legs. She leaned forward to kiss me but this time I stopped her.

"If I'm going to be shirtless in this bedroom than so are you," I said.

She laughed and then pulled off her shirt. It was the first time I'd ever seen so much of her skin, not that there was anything too revealing as she was wearing a plain white bra. She saw my eyes linger for a moment on her chest and she reached behind her back, but I immediately reached forward and put my hand on her arm.

"I want to do that."

She smiled briefly and then kissed me again. Our lips moved together briefly before she pulled away slightly and started kissing her way down my chin and chest. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to keep from groaning. I had never felt like this before, had never known the type of pleasure that her lips were causing and it was making me forget every reason why we shouldn't be moving so fast.

It felt as if every kiss was heightened and more intense on my flesh than anything I'd ever felt before. The kiss at the base of my collar bone, at the top of of my ribs, just below my sensitive pec of flesh, the base of my rib cage, just above my belly button...

It wasn't until her hands touched the band of my pants that my attention came back into focus. I took her hands in mine before she could unbuckle my pants.

"Don't."

I said it softly but she still flinched and there was a flash of pain in her eyes. She tried to pull away but I kept hold of her hands.

"Edythe, no. I don't mean it that way. I know you desire it, I can smell that... and I'm sure we both can tell that I want to." I refused to glance at my pants. "But you always wanted to wait until we were married. I don't want you to give up what's important to you just because of some fear reaction."

I gently rotated us until our positions were reversed and I was hovering over her. "If you really want us to go there Edythe than I'm more than up for it. But I want you to be sure. I want our first time to be special." I kissed her lips. "Important." I kissed her throat. "Beautiful." I kissed her collar bone.

"I don't want you to think we have to go there to secure what we have, that I need you to prove you love me, because I know you love me." I looked up at her to make sure she was paying attention. "I know, okay, Edythe? And I know that the fear in your eyes was caused by me and I'm sorry for that. If I could take back leaving, take back hurting you, I would, but I can't. All I can do is tell you that I love you."

I pressed my forehead against her shoulder and her fingers entangled in my hair. "And show you if that is what you require."

I barely whispered the words but I was certain she could hear me. I pressed my lips to her skin.

It took Edythe a moment to answer.

"No... I don't want that."

"Good, because having half of your family in easy hearing range of our first time wasn't exactly what I think of when I think special."

I pressed my lips to her skin again.

"Our family," she said. She let out a quiet moan as I nipped at her skin. "Just don't stop." I nipped again. "Doing that."

"Good," I murmured and then reached underneath her back and unsnapped her bra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm evil, I know. But this story is rated T, and I pushed that rating to the limit, even as it is I'm worried this might be closer to rated M than T...
> 
> Also, the next few chapters are part of what I'm going to casually refer to as "the dead zone" so expect the next three or four chapters to be slow to come. I may post some of the Missing Moments and Alternate Realities for this story while I work on these chapters.


	15. Chapter 14 - Declaration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 14 – Declaration**

The news on CNN had been the constant companion of the household for the last three days... or at least the the majority of the household. Royal and Eleanor still weren't back and it made me emotionally sick, because I'd caused it – caused the strife that had led to Royal running off... though I honestly wasn't certain I'd  _ever_ be able to to become friends with Royal, or that we'd even ever someday be able to stand each other's presence.

Carine and Jessamine had been discussing the possible purposes behind the creation of the newborns, and the end opinion was they had to be made for the purpose of some sort of army. The problem was, we weren't sure  _what_  the army was for. I  _knew_ , or at least strongly suspected, Jessamine had some sort of idea, but when she'd opened her mouth to state her opinion Edythe had cut her off. I was a hundred percent certain she did it because I was there and I wasn't all that happy about it, but I let it go.

"I need to go hunt," I said softly, looking over at Edythe.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I smiled at her. "If you'd like to."

I fully expected her to say yes but she frowned instead. "I'm not really all that thirsty, but I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

I reached forward, stroking under her left eye. "Are you sure?" My eyes had more color in them than hers at the moment.

"Yes, you go ahead though."

I leaned forward and kissed her, pulling back after a moment.

"Please tell me what's going on when I get back," I murmured softly in her ear. I knew the others would be able to hear my words, there was just no way to be quiet enough to say something truly private in a house full of vampires, but saying it in her ear made it feel private.

"Go. Hunt."

I kissed her again and then pulled back, heading out through the sliding glass door.

…

After hunting two deer I was ready to go home, at least in theory. As I started to head home though, my mind began to wander and I pulled to a stop. Over the last three days Edythe and I had spent the vast majority of the time avoiding the hard subjects, though I had told her about the kiss between Jules and I. I'd explained what had happened, the fear of losing the only thing I'd had left causing me to kiss Jules back, and I also told her about the fact that I almost killed Jules when I did so. Even though I'd been ashamed to admit kissing Jules, I'd needed Edythe to know. I didn't want there to be any secrets between us – even if it ended up costing me more than I could possibly imagine.

I'd expected her to be angry or saddened by my admittance, or worse, blame herself for my actions, but she'd done none of that. Instead, she'd simply not reacted. She hadn't screamed or slapped me. She hadn't claimed to get it. She'd just done  _nothing_. And I didn't know what to do with nothing.

The fact that she did nothing made me feel like I was losing her, and I'd only just gotten her back in my life. I had no idea how to make it up to her though.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the nearest tree. It had been almost ten months since my birthday had occurred and since they'd all left. I couldn't help but wonder how much more meaningful those gifts would have been had I actually opened them on my birthday and they'd never left. Would I still have burned the hideous pink polo if they'd never left? I knew I wouldn't have thrown the bottle cap necklace into the forest had none of it happened.

By the time I opened the presents up, more than four months after they left, the necklace had almost felt like a final cast off of the love which I'd thought we both shared. I'd had no other explanation for why it had been among the numerous gifts from the Cullens. I wished I'd known then what I knew now.

Still, I knew where I'd thrown it. It was the one good part of having an eidetic memory, because I could remember exactly how hard I'd thrown the necklace and where it had fallen.

I snapped my eyes open, knowing what I needed to do and exactly where to go.

I darted through the forest, heading towards the area it should have landed, figuring out the trajectory of where it should have hit was just one of those things I could now do – one of many abilities my mind was capable of without me even really understanding how.

Before I'd become a vampire I'd been a relatively smart student, back in Phoenix I'd even been an honor student taking AP courses to further my education so I could eventually become a teacher, but I'd never been able to do things like quadratic equations in my head – math had never been my strong suit. Now, it was all too easy.

It was because of my ability to remember everything, as well as my ability to do all kinds of math and more in my head, that I knew for a fact I threw the necklace at seventy miles per hour at a sixty degree angle. I knew where it crested and the trajectory with which it dropped. And based on all of that, I knew precisely where it should have fallen to the ground.

Unfortunately, when I reached the spot where it should have hit the ground it wasn't there. It had been about five months since I'd thrown it into the forest so it was possible the dirt could have turned over some. It could potentially be buried a few inches under the ground. It's trajectory could have been messed up by a breeze, though I certainly hadn't felt one on that day. Or it could have been caught in one of the branches of the nearby trees.

I jumped up onto the branches of one of the nearby trees to look around. Even accounting for a light breeze – and it couldn't have been anything stronger than that as I hadn't felt any wind on that day at all – I knew there were only a handful of trees it could have landed in. Being in a tree would give me the best vantage point to determine if it was there.

I looked around, spinning in a circle on the branch I was standing on as I did so. The first thing I realized was just how quickly I could determine every single minute detail about each and every tree – I recognized it well before I fully acknowledged the fact that the necklace wasn't anywhere. But I could tell a person each and every oblong, square, rectangular, or otherwise shaped piece of bark. I knew instantly where a nest was – too big for a normal bird, so most likely an owl – I knew the dimension of each branch, the veins running through the thousands of leaves, I recognized each shade of brown and green, and the different holes in the trees.

I quickly jumped to the tree with the nest, peeking inside it to see if the necklace was there, as some species of fowl were known to collect baubles, before dropping to the ground after determining it wasn't in the nest. There was a chance, a slim one, that a small animal took it into one of the holes in the trees, but if it was in one of them, it was lost forever. Oh sure, I could destroy the tree to get to it if I knew for a fact it was in one of the trees, but I'd most likely not even be able to see it and I wasn't about to destroy a dozen trees to try and find it.

Buried under the dirt was my next best bet, anyways. I quickly looked around the ground to try and find any earth that looked like it could have been turned in the last few months, but once again, there wasn't anything. All the land was packed heavily, the kind of packing which occurred from years on years of minimal change to the land. There was absolutely no place it could be.

I looked around again hoping my perfect vision missed something, but there was nothing. It was nowhere.

It. Was. Nowhere.

I leaned against a tree and sunk to the ground, letting my legs give out from under me in – an act far more human than I was anymore – as my face fell in my hands. It wasn't the first time I wished I could cry, but this time it was more than that.

That necklace had meant everything. I'd hoped to find it to prove how I felt. After all, Edythe had given it to me because she loved me... a reminder of the love that we had started to form from the very beginning.

Suddenly it was as if all the spinning confusion stopped. I'd been a vampire for over a year now and my entire time I'd been metaphorically drowning, I'd awoken from the change – not that I'd actually been asleep during the three days of burning hell – resolutely aware Edythe hadn't actually wanted me. After all, she'd offered to end me which I'd always equated to a lack of love, because how could anyone do that?

But sacrifice was one of the ultimate forms of love. She'd been willing to sacrifice her own happiness, and everything that mattered to her, if it had been what I'd wanted – what I'd needed. She had sacrificed it all for months, because she'd thought it was what I'd truly needed. It hadn't been, but that wasn't the point. The point was she'd loved me enough to walk away.

It was such a sappy, old-timey statement that had never before made sense to me. It was one of those things I'd grown up hearing in old music and movies, grown up reading about it, but it had always seemed to be a completely oxymoronic sentiment in my mind. I remembered a faded conversation from the cafeteria, where she'd made a comment about how her love for me was the reason she needed to leave – even at the time, I hadn't truly understood what she meant by it.

I'd known, even back then, that I would willingly die to protect her, willingly kill to protect her, and willingly run away with her. I hadn't, however, understood her equivalent to it.

Now I did.

She loved me. I smiled to myself. She loved  _me_.

I got up.

…

I reached home in record time, quickly heading inside and going upstairs to Edythe's room, because there was music playing in her room, so I knew she was there. Hopefully it would be  _our_   _room_ soon, at least if she wanted it.

"How'd the hunting go?" she asked from where she was laying on her little day bed,

"I didn't have any troubles." I grinned ruefully – I was actually getting pretty good at semi-neat hunting.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and opened my mouth to explain my realization, but she started to speak first.

"I know you want to know about the newborns in Seattle and Jessamine's concerns. I just don't want to worry you unnecessarily. She could be wrong."

"It doesn't matter," I said softy.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter, Edythe. I  _trust you_. If you don't want to tell me for now than it's alright."

She sat up slowly. "What's with the change of attitude?"

"I just finally managed to fully figure something out when I was hunting."

Her brow furrowed slightly as she looked at me.

"I..." I trailed off for a moment, uncertain for a moment of where to begin. "Back when Julie and I opened the presents our family left for me, I was hurting and angry, and I destroyed several things I probably shouldn't have, but there was only one item I threw away." I looked down and away from Edythe. "I never should have tossed that necklace you gave me away, Edythe. At the time that I opened it, I didn't understand the meaning behind it, and I wish I had. I tried to find it today, after all I know where I tossed it – perfect recall does have it's blessings – but it wasn't there. Some animal must have carried it off or something."

I smiled slightly, half wry and half sad. It was gone, but at least it had helped me.

"Beau, about the necklace –"

I pressed my finger to her lips. "It doesn't matter." I shook my head immediately, needing to correct that statement instantly. "No, it does  _matter_ , and I definitely regret throwing it away, but not being able to find it helped me to understand just how much you really love me. I never got it before, and I'm sorry about that, more so than you'll ever know, but I do now." I looked directly into her eyes. "I'm a person of my time, a normal human boy – even though I'm not human anymore. Back when you told me that your love for me was the very reason you should leave me, when I was human, the words – and the meaning behind them – were completely incomprehensible. It's such an antiquated idea... to love someone is to leave them. Something along those lines anyways. I'd never got how one can equate to the other, but something clicked and now I do.

"So I'm sorry, and I know I've said that way too much of late, but I mean it in a way I didn't before, because I simply couldn't since things weren't straight in my head like they are now. I  _love you_ , I  _trust you_ , and if I haven't completely destroyed your love and trust in me with the way I blatantly disrespected it and disrespected you in these last months – since I was turned really – than I am yours for however long our eternity is." I caressed her cheek as I spoke.

She took my hand in hers and didn't say anything for a moment, worrying me more than I wanted to admit, before she leaned forward and kissed me briefly. Finally she spoke after pulling away. "Than the necklace served it's purpose after all. It doesn't matter that you tossed it. Truly, it doesn't. I gave it to you to remind you of my love at a time when I wasn't sure how to make you understand that. Now you do, and that's all that matters."

She kissed me again, molding her lips to mine in a way only Edythe was able to. It wasn't like the kisses we'd been sharing over the last three day, wasn't hot and heavy – complete with tongue action – but it was almost more intimate than those had been. Gentle and sweet in a way that reminded me of absolutely everything we'd so far shared.

Eventually she pulled back. "And, Beau, you didn't disrespect me. You may say you are very much a normal human boy of your time – for the record, you are anything  _but_ normal – but you are more than that. You are a vampire and a young one at that. When we found out what Archie saw of your potential future, the bitterness and anger in his visions... We were willing to do anything to protect you from that, but somewhere along the line we forgot, and more specifically I forgot, to think of how leaving that way would damage you.

"For all that is holy, I'm the one who told you originally how rare change in a vampire is, and then we went and did something that could have changed you in an irreversible way. It actually did leave one major scar." She shook her head. "I should have said this yesterday when you told me about the kiss you and Julie shared and I didn't, so I apologize for that. I don't blame you, Beau, for kissing her back. I've gotten the  _joy_  –" there was heavy sarcasm on the word joy "– of seeing just how messed up our leaving made you through Julie's mind. I've also seen how you and her were together over these last few months, so I know that though she wishes you loved her that way, you actually don't. She's never really hid any of it from me. And since I know while you love her, you aren't  _in love_  with her, I have no real right to be jealous. And yet I am. Just a little bit. But I don't blame you."

I leaned my head against hers, closing my eyes calmly.

"Also, Beau, I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Not even if you run off to Nepal tomorrow. Though," she added, "I will follow you this time."

Some small part in the back of my mind noticed she didn't say she trusted me, but I was alright with that, I'd earn it back.

"I'm not running anymore," I murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, I'm not at all happy about this chapter, it doesn't quite read right to me and I'm not sure I captured the thing I wanted it to, but hopefully it conveys the epiphany of sorts that is somewhat similar to the one Bella had at the end of New Moon. And hopefully it also shows that he's finally at peace with everything. I definitely may come back later and redo this chapter, but as I've already spent about two and a half months on this chapter, I figure I've spent enough time on it for now.
> 
> Also, I can't promise when 15 will be posted as I'm literally less than two weeks to my due date and could quite literally vanish any day. So thank you for your patience with me, but please just bare with me for a bit longer.


	16. Chapter 15 - Wager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 15 – Wager**

Royal and Eleanor finally got back home and I knew I should avoid Royal at all costs. He and I were too different to ever have a hope of getting along. He didn't understand me and I simply hated his guts. I supposed every family had their problems, and if there was a little bit – actually a lot – of rivalry between him and I, than I supposed it could be a lot worse.

After all, I could have actually made it to Mexico. I shuddered at the thought.

The big issue was, normal families had a limited life span on issues like sibling rivalry or hatred. Between the fact that humans could forget what the argument was about and the very realistic reality that they only lived so long to begin with, all human rivalry eventually ended. Royal and I weren't human though and we'd never just suddenly forget we hated each other.

Our rivalry, unlike a human's, had the potential to never end. It wasn't exactly a pleasant thought.

I sighed and rolled my head slightly on my shoulders, trying to focus on something else.

"You're thinking too much," Edythe murmured from where she was sitting with a book.

I looked at the title again, tilting my head when I realized she had the book upside down. It was Wuthering Heights, which I knew she hated... Classics were more of my thing. "What are you doing, anyways?"

"They say you should examine a book from all angles before dismissing it. So... I decided to try it from a different angle."

I snorted. "I don't think they meant it literally."

"Literally is all I've got left."

I rolled my eyes, scooting along her daybed until my back hit the wall before spinning to have my feet and legs against it while I laid on my back. "If you can't appreciate Wuthering Heights the normal way, reading it upside down isn't going to help you any."

"Maybe I will, with the letter n now looking like a u and the letter m now looking like a w, and vice versa for both, there's a certain amount of comedy of errors here."

I tilted my head back just enough to look at her. "I might believe that insight if you were human, but with our IQ being however high it is the book could be upside down, inverted, and in code and you'd still be able to read it just fine."

Her lips lifted in a slight – heart-stopping, if I still had a heartbeat – smile. "You're right, but let me pretend for a minute. I'm trying to get what you see in books like this." She nodded her head toward the floor beside her.

From my position, I couldn't see the books sat on the floor, but I knew which books she'd brought in with her when she'd come into the room a couple of hours ago. It included most of the classics; everything from Jane Eyre to Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea to Romeo and Juliet.

"Have you ever read a modern novel that romanticizes adventure? Heck, that romanticizes romance? Those books you have in here, they're poetic, and they give justice to love and heartbreak, pain and suffering, the thrill of the moment, etc. It's not the kind of writing you see in a modern novel."

"What on  _earth_ is romanticized in this novel? The entire story is a plot for revenge." Edythe asked, staring at it.

"Of course you wouldn't get it." I shook my head. "I bet Victor would," I said almost purely on instinct before frowning as that thought sunk in a little farther. "I'm not sure what that says about me."

"What are you talking about?" She looked at me, not even pretending to try and read the book anymore.

"I got a taste of that lust when I went after Mele. It's a very dark taste and that darkness is extremely seductive. I have to assume Archie was deliberately blocking out my future by that point, because there was a moment before I returned to Forks where I seriously considered staying with the Romanians. I was scared of the very being I could see myself becoming had I stayed and it was part of what drove me back here, but there's always two sides to any coin."

"Oh, I understand the desire for revenge. Trust me, I have every intention of tearing Victor to shreds the next time we spot him, but that doesn't explain it being supposedly romanticized."

I closed my eyes, trying to think of a way to explain it to her so she'd understand. Finally, I opened my eyes again. "I don't think it's something I can explain properly, Edythe. It's not something words can really convey."

Or perhaps I could and simply didn't want to, I wasn't sure.

Edythe looked at the book for a moment before dropping it down beside her chair. "Let's get out of here for awhile, go to our meadow."

I was off the bed in a flash but I frowned almost as quickly. "Are you sure that's wise. Victor and Raven are still out there somewhere."

"If he decides to show his face than let him. I want my chance at ripping him to shreds."

I glowered at her.

She ignored it. "Besides, if there was any danger in us going there than Archie would let us know."

"Maybe, and maybe I'd just let you go to the meadow without telling you a thing. You're taking away my entertainment for the day, Edythe!" Archie shouted from the floor below.

"What's he talking about?" I asked curiously.

"He's being petty and I'll explain after we get to the meadow."

"Okay, but if Victor shows up, blame Archie."

"HEY!"

She rolled her eyes.

…

It was the first time we'd been in our meadow together since before my disastrous birthday, though I'd made my way here by myself on a multitude of occasions since that day. It was also the first time where I felt the beauty and mystique of the little meadow – the beauty which had been missing every time I'd visited by myself.

"It was our day," I murmured, looking around the small open space. The summer flowers were in full bloom, filling the clearing with an array of red, purple, pink, orange, and white. The trees were full of leaves and pine needles, and though the sun was hidden behind the clouds, it still reminded me of our first visit.

"What was?" she asked.

"Our first visit here. You do realize it was the only date we truly had while I was human, right?"

"We ate at Bella Italia's just a few nights prior to that, and we spent the entire day with my family the next morning... I admit, I wouldn't count the fiasco that became our baseball night."

"You were stalking me the night we went to Bella Italia's, Edythe. That's not a date, that's –" I paused as I decided on a proper descriptor, smiling impishly when I figured it out "– downright creepy if I take time to think about it."

"Ha ha. I saved your life on that night, in case you forgot."

"I could have talked my way out of it." I honestly doubted it, but I wasn't about to admit it.

"You still suck at lying, Beau. And Sunday?"

"Meeting the family doesn't count as a date, it counts as a torture session. Especially after a single date. 'Oh look, we barely know each other, but we're already so madly in love that we decided to do introductions,'" I exaggerated in an extremely poor imitation of her voice. "Ask any teenage boy, they'd agree with me."

She shook her head. "You can't tell me it was that bad."

It wasn't and we both knew it. I'd truly loved the week and a couple days in which we'd had the chance to get to know each other before I'd been turned, but I liked being obstinate. "I don't know. I suppose it  _could have_  been worse. Royal could have actually decided to make an appearance."

Edythe burst out laughing.

I smiled before I started chuckling as well.

It was nice to be open with her and simply happy for a change.

"You should know," she finally said when she stopped laughing. "That's what Archie was talking about before we left. He saw you and Royal getting in a fight."

"Hmm, I'd say he had to be the one who started it, but honestly the dislike is mutual."

"I know. You two are far too alike for your own good."

I stared at her in shock for a moment. "I am  _nothing_  like that self-centered blonde –"

"You are exactly like him, Beau," she said, cutting me off. "There's a reason why the saying isn't 'identicals attract.'"

"Really? Name one similarity, besides the fact that we're both vampires."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Tenacious, self-depreciative, handsome, angry, has a knack for revenge... Should I go on?"

"I deny being tenacious," I said.

"Sure, that's why you  _didn't_ sink your car, right?"

I bit my lip for a second. "Right."

"Like I said, you're pigheaded."

I felt like imitating Archie's extremely wounded 'hey' for a moment, but decided against it.

"So, did Archie's vision show exactly what and who started this fight between the two of us? Not that it takes much. I'm still,  _technically_ , a volatile newborn after all." At least I was if someone asked Jessamine, who described newborns as being vampires who were changed in the last three years.

On the other hand, if one was to ask Eleanor, she'd claim I was never a newborn to begin with. I wasn't sure which of them was more accurate.

"I think he made a comment about our status as mates again," she said. "At least that's what Archie's vision showed in a couple versions."

"Why couldn't he have stayed off hunting for awhile longer?" I grumbled.

"It's his house as much as it's ours, Beau."

"I know, but he and I seriously don't get along. It's pure luck that one of us hasn't torn the other apart yet." I shook my head. "Honestly, you'd think the animosity would have dissipated some after I went to Italy to rescue you."

"As far as he's concerned, it's your fault that he almost lost his sister to begin with."

I'd dispute that, but I wasn't certain it was wrong. So I sighed instead as I walked further into the meadow.

"When we take care of Victor and everything is resolved with whatever the hell is going on in Seattle, where do you think we'll go?" I asked, changing the subject.

"I'm not sure. Is there a place you'd like to go?"

I frowned thoughtfully. "Wherever we go we're going to have to start out as high school students, right?"

"Not necessarily, there have been a few times where we started out in college, but the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay there."

"I don't know, Switzerland?"

I didn't have to look at her to know she was arching an eyebrow at me as she asked, "Why Switzerland?"

"I didn't happen to pass through that country in my travels. I've always found it to be such an interesting country too. Plus, since I'm a vampire, I might actually be able to ski or snowboard."

"I think you can safely assume you should be able to without any troubles. I've never met a vampire who was clumsy which so far you haven't been, and though you still seem quite a magnet for trouble, I sincerely doubt your suddenly going to revert back to being clumsy just because you get on a board. Besides, even if you did hit a tree, all it would do is damage the tree."

I ducked slightly. "It's not my fault that Victor seems hell bent on taking me out."

"Mele, Gavin, the Romanians, going to Seattle, spending all your time with a bunch of mutts... Honestly, Beau, I'm relatively certain if I wasn't a vampire I'd have had a heart attack by now."

"The wolves wouldn't hurt me." Even when I'd wanted them to.

"Only because Julie cares for you so deeply. A fact that could have ended horribly by the way, and not just for you, but her as well."

"Trust me, I know, but Embrianna, Quilla and Sarah like me too. I'm pretty certain Leland likes me too... at least in the enemy of my enemy is my frenemy kind of way, if nothing else."

"Enemy of your enemy? Really?"

"Yes, do you have any idea how concerning it is to be one of only two guys amongst a group of females wolves!"

"I happen to know you hung out with the imprints as well."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh great, a bunch of human guys who jumped at the sight of my shadow."

"And Clay?"

"Clay's a toddle who doesn't understand he  _should be_  afraid of me."

"Quilla lets you near him, meaning maybe he shouldn't be."

"Who knows." It wasn't a question. I couldn't understand why Quilla allowed it. Yes, I had my control back, but the little boy was human and every instinct in Quilla should have been against me getting within a hundred yards of him.

"You do know that, even if the rest of our family wants to go to Canada or wherever, you and I could still go to Switzerland, right?"

"They're our family though."

"Yeah, but we do sometimes spend time apart. I've never really had a reason to, except when I went nomad back in the late twenties. But Archie and Jessamine have spent a few years apart from us over the decades, as have Eleanor and Royal. And while Carine and Earnest have never really spent years away from us they have gone off on their own for a few weeks here, or a couple months there. It can get tedious to always be with a number of other sentient beings who all have excellent hearing for indefinite lengths of time."

"Would you want to go off to Switzerland with me though?"

"As long as we're together, I'm not too concerned where we go."

I smiled before joining her as she sat down in the center of meadow.

…

After spending the day relaxing in the meadow, we finally headed back to the house, but I should have foreseen what was waiting for me.

"You do realize you're about to take away my entertainment?" Archie asked, popping up out of seemingly nowhere just before we reached the house.

"What are you talking about now?" I asked him.

Archie crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you know how fun it is to place bets on if Royal or you are going to win the numerous squabbles you two seem to get into?"

"It's only fun for you because you know the victor ahead of time."

"No. It's fun because Eleanor always bets the other way even though she should know better. It's only been more than fifty years that's she's been losing bets to me." He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Well I'm sorry I'm ruining your fun, but we need to keep the house civil, and Royal and I going for each other's throats every few days is not going to work for that."

He pouted out his lower lip. "But –"

"But nothing. It would be one thing if he and I were getting into fights the way Jessamine and Eleanor do, but it's not in good fun when we fight. When I attack him I'm usually ruled by instinct, and I'm not sure what he's thinking when it comes to me, but I'm sure it's nothing good."

I raced around Archie without giving him a chance to reply, heading toward the house and wanting to get it over with.

Royal was sitting with Eleanor on the couch when I entered through the sliding glass door, but he got up the instant I came in and headed in the direction of the front of the house.

"Royal, wait."

He turned to look at me. "What do you want, Beau? I can't imagine there's anything I could help you with given that you no longer have a vehicle for me to work on."

"I wanted to offer a proposal to you. It probably won't be any less hostile between us, but it might prevent further fighting."

"I'm listening."

"Don't talk to me and in turn I won't talk to you. It's a bit juvenile, but as I don't see either of us suddenly getting over our tiff, I figure it'll be the best way we can handle it."

He looked me up and down for a moment before he finally shrugged. "We could try it."

"Good."

"You're going to break the arrangement first," Archie said behind me.

"Is that a bet?" I turned to look at him.

Archie smiled viciously. "Why not? I'm sure you'll like drinking nothing but squirrel blood for a month."

"Don't take that bet," Eleanor muttered from where she still sat on the couch.

"Yes, I wager you  _will_ enjoy drinking squirrel blood for a month," I parroted back to him as I backed toward the stairs.

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as I reached them.

"By the way, I've decided I'm going to get myself a truck," I stated as I eased my foot onto the steps.

A series of exclamations was made from the people in the room

"But –"

"What?"

"Wait!"

"Who are you going to get to work on it if you aren't talking to Royal?" Archie asked.

I put my finger to my lips for a moment as if I was really thinking about it – like I couldn't pick up the manual and figure out how to work on it myself simply by reading it. "Oh. I know. Julie!"

I darted up both flights of stairs and headed straight into Edythe's bedroom, falling down face first on her daybed.

Edythe reached the room a moment later.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

I turned over to look at her. "About the truck. Yes. About taking it to Julie, less so. I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to do the work myself."

"Or I could work on it for you," she pointed out.

"Well, I wouldn't want to assume."

I patted the bed next to me and she got on with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, fluff and I don't really agree and I may come in and lengthen it later. That being said, fair warning is that the next chapter is also going to be fluffish and will likely take awhile to write because of it.


	17. Chapter 16 - Epoch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.
> 
> AN: This is my shortest chapter so far in my continuation of L&D. I apologize for that and for the fact that it took so long to post, but this chapter absolutely didn't want to write. It was supposed to be fluff, and part of it does have a fluffish feel, but it really didn't work out the way I wanted it to. The good news is, I'm pretty sure the next chapters will be nowhere near as hard for me to write.

**Chapter 16 – Epoch**

I closed my eyes for a moment as I leaned back against a tree. Archie had gone with Edythe to get a pickup truck for me. I'd told them that it absolutely couldn't be a Chevy and not to go overboard – I honestly didn't need a top of the line, state of the art, brand new vehicle – but I wasn't hopeful that she'd listened.

For some reason I still didn't completely understand, she felt the need to continually spoil me – and more often than not with things I would never get for myself.

Olympia was far enough away that I could have gone as well and been seen in public, but she'd wanted to go pick it up and surprise me so I'd let her have her fun. After all, as long as she came back with a  _truck_  and not a muscle car, I'd be happy.

It still wouldn't be my old Chevy, but I'd get used to it. I suspected I'd even get used to her constant desire to pamper me eventually, though I had no clue how.

It simply wasn't a part of my normal genetic makeup to want to be pampered, and given that I was a vampire, it certainly didn't make it any easier for me. But I would figure it out.

My brow furrowed when a smell hit me which I wasn't expecting.

It wasn't necessarily because it was a wolf, so much as which wolf it was. I stepped away from the tree and turned in the direction of the scent.

"Sarah? Why are you here?"

A sandy wolf who still had slightly too large paws separated itself from its hiding place behind a tree before there was a silent vibration in the air I recognized immediately. I spun away instantaneously. I'd seen Jules naked more than once with the way she'd shifted between wolf and human freely around me, but Jules was sixteen where Sarah was only fourteen, and I had no desire to see Sarah naked.

I heard the shuffling of what sounded like soft cloth and smelled the scent of cotton on the air but didn't turn around.

"What gave me away?" A slightly wounded voice asked.

I snorted. "You smell carried to me but even if it hadn't, Sarah, once I'd started to pay better attention, I would have recognized your heartbeat and known a wolf was nearby."

"Seriously? My heartbeat?"

I rolled my eyes, though she couldn't see it. "You know enough about vampires – and about me specifically – by now to know how astute our senses are."

She sighed, and I knew without looking that she was likely pouting. "But, but, but..."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again. "What brings you here anyway, Sarah?"

There was a moment of silence before she came around in front of me. "Jules sent me. She wants you to come back to La Push and help us figure out the best course of action with what's ongoing in Seattle. It's not technically on the peninsula, but it's too close for comfort and the statistics there are just getting worse and worse. You have the most practical knowledge of all of us."

I frowned slightly. "Sam, Jules, Jae, and Paula killed Lauren..."

"Yeah, four of us together killed one vampire. You killed that immortal child in the field by yourself, Beau... And then there's whatever happened in Europe with you, though Jules didn't go into details with it. We don't have the amount of practical knowledge that you do. We may be protectors, but the vast majority of us –" She trailed off, looking down for a moment before steeling her shoulders and staring at me again. "I'm not afraid to die if it'll save lives in the long run, but, Beau, Lee and I are all our dad have left, and Colette and Brandy are barely thirteen. They're kids! We need to come back from this in one piece and I'm not... I mean Julie's not sure that we will if you don't come with us and help. You can show us what we need to do."

My eyes narrowed slightly at her stutter. "Jules doesn't know you're here, does she?"

Sarah let out a nervous laugh. "Of course she does. I mean there's no way I could have made it here without her finding out. Besides, didn't I say she asked me to come?"

I crossed my arms slowly, arching a sardonic eyebrow as I did so. "There's only one slight problem with your explanation that she asked you to come. Julie's never been a coward, and she wouldn't send someone else to ask for me. She'd come herself. So let's start from back at the beginning."

Sarah blew out a breath. "Fine. We need you there, but Jules and Sam are both being stubborn about asking you for your help. There may be ten of us, but the number of humans that are dead in Seattle... There at least two dozen vampires, likely more. And you know how to fight. We may know the theoretical and a few of us may have actually killed  _a vampire_ , but none of us have the practical knowledge that you do. If we go there...

"Brandy only just recently imprinted but with the way she's refusing to acknowledge it... and given that she's so angry at the world... Well, she's likely to go in half-cocked and get herself killed... She'll never even have a chance to know what a gift it really is. And Colette hates vampires so much that she's not going to think before she attacks and we're going to lose her for sure. And she's Julie's cousin. Julie can't lose her too, not after the way she failed her. And my brother –" she shook her head "– you know how Lee is. He thinks his strength makes him invincible or something, but it doesn't work like that. I can't lose my brother, Beau. I can't go home to my dad and tell him that his son didn't make it."

"And you think I can prevent these things from happening? Sarah, I've gotten lucky once or twice, but I'm not a soldier."

"I know you're just one person. But you're the glue that will help keep Jules together, and ultimately, no matter what position Sam holds, she's the true leader. We need her centered in order for us to pull this off properly. We need her grounded. You are the person who ultimately helps her to find that strength."

"I don't think you're giving Jules enough credit."

"Frankly, Beau, I'm pretty sure if we go without you to back us, none of us are going to make it back. She wouldn't want me to tell you but... Well, she hasn't been the same since you left."

I groaned and turned from my friend, walking a few feet away. "I can't be the clay that holds her together, Sarah. You have to know that."

"She needs you for this. We all do."

I closed my eyes, leaning my head against a tree. "You don't understand what you're asking of me."

"Maybe not, but she's gone against her very nature to protect you. Even after you killed humans, she protected you. If you don't understand the significance of that..."

I whirled on Sarah, forcing myself to remember that she was only fourteen before I did something foolish. "If you think I don't  _know_ that, you are dead wrong. But being a constant in her life is going to do nothing but hurt her. I'm not her imprint, even if we were meant to be that, at the end of the day we aren't. We aren't compatible because of what I am. On top of that, I have a mate."

Sarah opened her mouth but didn't say anything for several seconds. Finally, her shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world had suddenly pressed down on her. "I get it. Guess I'll head on back then."

She started to walk away.

I closed my eyes for a moment, the headline that was on CNN earlier that morning flashing in the back of my mind. The notification that the death toll was rapidly nearing three digits. "Wait," I said suddenly. "Tell Jules I'll come by later this evening. The problem in Seattle must be taken care of. I just need some time to explain to Edythe and the rest of my family. I can't leave for no reason."

There was no reply for a moment before she half squealed, "Yes! I'll tell her."

Sarah took off, shifting without taking off her clothes first.

I shook my head and then looked towards where my home was briefly. I wasn't lying to Sarah when I'd told her that I needed to tell Edythe before I came to help, but I knew there were those who perhaps I should talk to even more.

I stepped farther into the forest and away from the house before pulling out my cell phone and dialing a number I'd swore to myself I'd never use.

The line rang three times before a groggy voice finally answered, "Who is this? And do you know what time it is?"

I quickly did the math. "About the middle of the night. And I'm a friend of those you know with red eyes," I replied adding an amount of chipperness to my voice that was positively fake.

The man on the other end, Alexandru, was suddenly a lot more alert. "How did you get this number and what do you want?"

"I know you have a way to get in touch with them. Tell them that –" I stopped and shook my head. "You know what, never mind. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

I hung the phone up without waiting on a reply before putting the phone back in my pocket. No matter how much part of me wanted to ask for help from the Romanians, I knew I had to move away from that frame of mind because the truth of the mater was I couldn't allow myself to go back there.

It was one part of my life I couldn't go back to.

As long as I was around my family I was able to control myself, but I knew the truth – the bloodlust inside of me, no matter how hard I denied it, was very real.

I knew if I ever went back to Romania by myself and ever turned my back on what I'd found again – gave up on love – then I was certain I'd turn into the monster that inside of me.

The Romanians and Europe, in general, were part of an era of my life which I knew I had to close permanently.

I looked towards La Push briefly but shook my head. As I'd told Sarah, I needed time to explain what was going on to my family first. It was highly likely that several of them would want to help; Eleanor, Jessamine, and especially Edythe. The thing was, I didn't want them there. I couldn't risk my mate or my family getting hurt. It was bad enough that my friends would be putting their lives at risks to take care of this problem.

… Which left the question of how exactly I was going to best help my friends.

…

I looked at the shiny...  _thing_  that was parked in the drive. I supposed, if I squinted my eyes and tilted my head to the side, it sort of looked like a pickup – emphasis on sort of.

"Just what is it exactly?" I asked, barely masking my horror at the sight of it.

"It's a truck. Like you wanted," Archie stated.

I recognized the icon in the grill of the vehicle as a Lincoln symbol, and it was a metallic reddish, orangish color which I couldn't quite define – perhaps it was copper. But the four doors on the vehicle, the sleek edges, and the rectangular bed that looked too short to be one...

"It's a truck?" I knew my incredulity was coming through loud and clear, but I couldn't help it.

Since when was a Lincoln, which was most likely fully loaded – a vehicle that would easily cost in the upper five digits – not going overboard?

"You don't like it?" Edythe sounded completely downtrodden as she asked.

I barely managed to stop myself from flinching outwardly at how hurt she sounded. I looked at her, frowning ever so slightly. "It's a beautiful vehicle, Edythe, but I don't really need something this fancy. It isn't my type of vehicle. I like simple things."

"It's top of the line. In fact, currently, it's the best-selling vehicle of the year, though I foresee that the Cadillac Escalade will actually finish the year on –"

"Shut up, Archie," Edythe said, cutting him off. She looked me up and down before speaking again. "You may not need something like this, but I need to provide for you. It's ingrained into me."

"What is? A need to buy affection?" I knew it sounded bad, but I didn't know a better way to ask.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed as Archie stealthily crept away.

"No." Edythe shook her head adamantly. "It isn't like that. I want to provide for you, want you to never need for anything, and not out of a need to own you or your love, but because I want you to have it all. For yourself. I want you to always be happy, want you to know you never to have to ask... Want you to know I'll always be there – always offer you my hand – no matter the circumstances."

"But I know all of that," I said quietly.

"Do you, Beau?" She reached out and stroked my cheek as I let my eyes slide closed. "Or are you still seeing me with the fear in your heart that you had from the first day after you were turned. A fear that I failed to assuage way back then even though I thought I had."

I opened my eyes and stared at her. "I am past that, Edythe, truly."

"And yet you still take issue with this." She nodded to the truck.

"It's... not that I have issues with it, so much as it's too much. I'd be fine with a simple Ford or Dodge. I don't need some luxury vehicle like this."

"You may not need it, but Beau, if you were in my shoes what would you get? I know you have my mother's ring to give me. But pretend for a minute that you didn't, pretend that you were going to go shop for a ring for me. Would you get me a little quarter carat solitaire diamond on a simple band with no personality – no meaning – or would you get me a star-shaped diamond with thirteen accents? Or perhaps a Claddagh with all its beautiful symbolism?"

I scrunched up my nose slightly. "That's different. It's an engagement ring. Not a –"

"Just answer my question, Beau," she cut me off.

"I'd get you the best. Something beautiful, elegant, meaningful... Because that's what you deserve. But –"

"And you deserve the best too, Beau. I want you to have the best. Please understand that."

I looked at the truck like vehicle again, glancing at the shiny rims. "But... it's so over the top."

"It only feels that way because you're not used to being spoiled. You're not used to anyone putting your needs first, but someday I want you to have more than just a fancy vehicle. I want you to have an island, a house, and so much more. I want  _us_ to have that. I want us to share the rest of forever with no regrets. We can't exactly drink the finer wines or eat the caviar, but there are many pieces of the finer things in life that are available to us. I want us to have that together. Consider the truck to be a start."

"Well, I suppose..." I agreed somewhat reluctantly.

"Come on, let me show you how it runs," she said, heading over to the truck.

"I'm a vampire, remember? I'm pretty sure I can figure out how to drive it."

"And I never got to drive the Camaro. Remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "Drive one little vehicle into the ocean, and I'm never able to live it down."

"Naturally." She stuck out her tongue briefly before getting into the driver side.

I shook my head, chuckling slightly.


	18. Chapter 17 - Alliance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga, Life and Death, or any of the accouterments in the series.

**Chapter 17 – Alliance**

I paced the forest floor, trying to find the right words to tell Edythe that I needed to help the wolves with the problem in Seattle but didn't want her involved.

No matter what I contemplated saying though, I could see only one possible reaction, her demanding to come along. And because there were no secrets in our family, Eleanor and Jessamine would want to join in, then Archie and Royal would go as well since their mates were... and soon enough it would be a whole family affair.

Which was exactly what I didn't want. My family needed to be safe, and I knew they wouldn't be going to Seattle.

Not that I'd be any safer going there, but I owed it to Jules. She'd helped me so much, and I honestly wasn't even sure if it was the kind of debt that could ever be paid.

Besides, the newborns in Seattle needed to die.

The only thing was, I couldn't just go there without explaining to Edythe. I'd promised I wasn't going anywhere, promised I was done running, so I needed to let her know what was going on.

And that was my problem, because not only did I need to tell her, but I even genuinely wanted to. I just also wanted her to accept that I'd be back and we'd leave it at that.

I looked towards my home, then over to the outbuilding with my new vehicle. I knew Edythe's heart had been in the right place when she'd bought me the truck, but there was a part of me that was sorely tempted to sink it like I had the other. I wouldn't, though.

After a moment, no more sure than I'd been when I'd first started pacing, I shook my head and headed inside to find Edythe.

"Edythe... I need to talk," I said quietly when I found her in our bedroom.

"Does it have to do with Archie mentally grumbling about our future disappearing?" She looked at me as she asked her question.

I flinched slightly before grumbling, "Most likely."

"Explain please."

"Sarah stopped by earlier today, while you were with Archie picking up the... truck." I still wasn't at all certain about the over-the-top Lincoln. "The wolves are planning on making a trip to Seattle because the amount of destruction our kind is wreaking in Seattle is too much for them to ignore. Sarah asked me to go help them as I have some practical knowledge which none of them do – at least according to her."

"And you're planning on going."

It wasn't a question, but I answered, anyway. "I owe Jules a lot. You know I do. Besides, she's my friend. That's reason enough on its own for me to go and try to help."

"Why do you insist on putting yourself in danger?"

"What would you do in my shoes if it was someone you cared for as a friend... as family?"

"I wouldn't do something if it was against your wishes, Beau. But you're going to go no matter what I say."

I opened my mouth for a moment before closing it and walking over to the wall of glass, looking outside. "If you really don't want me involved, I won't go, but what's happening in Seattle has the potential of affecting us, and you know it. If it gets much worse, the Volturi  _will_ get involved. And with how close we are to there..."

Edythe sighed. "It's sort of a lose-lose situation no matter what. If we get involved and the Volturi show up afterward – especially if we don't take care of all the newborns – then they may say we caused more harm than good."

"But if we don't get involved, they will show up eventually for sure. And then..." I shrugged. "They know we live here. They know the wolves live here... Three birds one stone."

"I know. Like I said, we're potentially damned either way."

"There are ten wolves, and they are  _built_  to kill our kind. Maybe with a bit of advice on how to kill newborns, and a little extra help, they can take care of the problem in Seattle."

"And you put yourself in that equation?"

"Yes."

"Why? There is more than one vampire in this house with far more experience than you. In fact, we all have more experience than you."

"But I'm the only one they truly trust."

"Well, I'm going with you."

I banged my head against the glass, closing my eyes – though I wasn't the least bit surprised by her words. A moment later, Edythe was right behind me, her hands wrapped around my waist as she rested her head against my back.

"If I was going to go do something dangerous and potentially very stupid, would you simply stay home and wait?"

"No." I immediately admitted before grumbling, "But I can be a hypocrite if I want to."

I felt her smile against my back. "No, you can't."

…

I was relatively certain Edythe had wanted us to go to La Push in the new pick up, but there were several reasons why it wasn't a sensible idea. Not the least of which was the fact that driving meant we'd have to go through Forks to get there and I was still dead.

Honestly, the limitations of being dead made getting around more than a little annoying, and I knew we'd need to move soon.

I was loathe to admit how much the thought of leaving the family I'd found in the wolves behind forever affected me. I was sure we'd eventually return to Forks, but by the time a hundred years had passed all the wolves who I cared for would be dead. The thought of never seeing Jules again if we left was a harder pill to swallow than I wanted to admit.

But it needed to happen. For the wolves' sake as much as our own.

Of course, at least I'd be staying with the family who was my life, as well as the person I loved with everything in me, and that was what really mattered.

And, no matter what, I wasn't going to leave until the mess that was in Seattle was gone, as well as Victor was taken care of.

Though I was sure some would argue that Victor would follow if we left, I was no longer sure. I knew he wanted to kill me, but it was exceedingly clear he also wanted to hurt me first. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that the wolves were one easy way to do that.

They'd become an important and inexplicable part of my life – even if the same couldn't be said for their relationship with the rest of my family.

…

"What will my last name be when we move?" I asked as we made our way to La Push.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Archie, Eleanor, and you are all Cullens while Royal and Jessamine are Hales. And though I know you change the actual surnames, you still keep the general story – you three being adopted orphans, and Royal and Jessamine being Earnest's niblings. I don't really have the blond supermodel look to fit in as a Hale. It's gonna be weird as us both being Cullens at whatever school we end up at."

"You'd make a fine Hale, Beau." When I arched my eyebrow at her, she continued with."You're perfect, Beau."

I snorted. "And you're biased."

"You never have seen yourself clearly."

"Really?" There was so much scathing sarcasm laced in my single-word, two-syllable question that it should have precisely explained my opinion of that statement.

"Yes, really. You are amazing, whether you believe it or not."

"Your definition of amazing concerns me, Edythe." I knew better than to say it, as she'd made her opinion clear on my continuing opinion of myself being a monster, but I knew what I was. It was alright though, I was accepting of it, and as long as I was with Edythe and our family – I was in control of it.

She couldn't say anything else before we reached Elliott's house.

I paused.

It had become relatively commonplace for me to visit the house over the months while I'd been staying in Julie's cabin, but I'd never smelled any of the Cullens at the home, and I wasn't sure what to do as a result.

Even though Julie had given complete acceptance of my family being allowed to come and go as they please, it didn't change how I was sure some of the others would still feel about any of them being there. Even I wasn't a hundred percent wanted by all the wolves, not to mention Elliott who was always nervous around me – a reaction that would be tantalizing to the killer in me if he didn't smell so much like Sam all the time.

"Come on, they're inside," Edythe said.

I couldn't think of a good reason not to continue to the house, so I did, with Edythe walking beside me.

The sliding glass door opened before we reached the house and Julie stepped outside, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So, a little birdy told me you were going to be coming here to help, but I was sure the birdy was wrong. After all,  _my Beau_ ran off to Tijuana after threatening me because I kissed him, and I'm certain if he'd decided to come back, he would have told me by now." She was angry and hurt – beyond obvious from her words and her voice.

I flinched. "I'm sorry, Jules."

"You don't have anything to apologize for. She knew exactly what she was doing," Edythe said through gritted teeth.

"Get out of my head!" Julie snapped, turning her glare on Edythe.

"Then stop trying to make him feel guilty.  _You knew_ , all along, he was never yours. He was never going to be yours. Don't try to twist him in knots now. You knew this was how your story with him was always bound to end."

"If you're worried that just a few choice words will bring him back to my side, then you can't be that sure of him."

I stepped in between the two of them before one of the two went after the other. "Stop it! Both of you! I am not some prime piece of steak for the two of you to fight over."

I looked between two of them... Opposites in every way. While Edythe was small, soft, and feminine; Jules was all hard lines and toned body. While Edythe was pale white with her silky copper hair; Jules, on the other hand, had thick black hair which matched her body. But for all that... They were very much the same as well – as was evident by the stance they both had at the moment, not to mention the fact that I could practically see the smoke coming out of their noses.

"I'm here –" I looked at Edythe, smiling slightly before starting over. "We're here to help with taking care of the problem in Seattle, Jules. And I  _am_ sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you, and I know you knew that, at the end of the day, Edythe would always be my mate... but for all that, you're still human..." Part of me wanted to continue, but I didn't know how to vocalize it without potentially sounding degrading or trite with my words.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye as Jules rolled her eyes. "Stop. You're going to make me blush... or something." I turned to look at her as she dropped her arms to her sides, loosening up some. "Well, come inside. We have a bunch of imbeciles who think running through Seattle headfirst is the best way to take this on. So, please help."

I arched an eyebrow but didn't bother to point out she would have done the same thing not that long ago in order to get to Victor if I hadn't stopped her.

For a few seconds, there was nothing, before she muttered, "That's different." Then turned on her heel and headed back into Sam and Elliott's house.

I rolled my eyes and started to follow Jules, but Edythe stopped me with a hand on my arm, murmuring, "She's still hurt, you know."

"She has a right to be." Even though I knew I'd finally made the right choice for myself, for Edythe, and even – ultimately – for Jules... between the bond she and I had formed, and the feelings I knew she had for me... well, I honestly couldn't blame her.

After a moment, I forced myself to shake it off, focusing on the task at hand. "Come on, let's head inside."

It was weird entering the house and finding the wolves all in different poses, all deathly silent and the only human in the room was Elliott. Though the scents of both Kirk and Clay were strong enough to tell me they'd been there recently – I sort of doubted Edythe would pick them up, as it had taken me a long time to catch the scents when they were buried under the much stronger stench of the wolves.

Sam's glare was once again cold enough to break crystal, but I wasn't surprised. Even though she'd warmed to me a little while I'd been staying at Jules' cabin, the reality was that Sam never really seemed to see eye to eye with me for very long.

Then again, her stare was no longer the harshest amongst them as that dubious honor belonged to Colette, although Brandy wasn't far behind. I did get it. They'd both lost a parent to a vampire – more specifically, they'd both lost a parent because of Victor.

"Well, if you got some idea how we're going to do this, let's hear it," Lee grumbled from where he was sitting on the stairs leading to the second floor of the small house.

Edythe beat me to talking. "You will have to stay as wolves for the entire time we're in Seattle. Being wolves will allow you  _some_  anonymity, though being the size that all of you are, it's also going to cause its own set of problems. There's nothing that can be done for that, though. Reality is, by us going to Seattle, we're asking for trouble. Beau and I will have to practice absolute stealth, but the vampires in Seattle aren't going to care if they're seen or not. Frankly, it's pure luck that there haven't been some reports of people sparkling already, though I suppose we should take that as a blessing as it means they tend to come out more at night than the day, and the night may be just enough cover to protect most of you from notice.

"The thing that we have to worry about will be human exposure. There are, after all, more than half a million people living in Seattle. And human exposure to vampires, especially if they realize any of us are something other than normal humans is extremely bad."

Sam's eyes never strayed from mine as her eyes narrowed slightly at Edythe's words.

"That's right, Sam. What Beau told you about our rulers is absolutely true. If humans start talking about humans who sparkle in the sun or move faster than a car, it  _will_  get back to them. And they will come down and kill all involved. That includes us. And it includes you."

Jaelyn spoke up, "They can't be that strong."

"They're stronger, actually. Eleanor and Royal  _could run_ , if Archie had a vision soon enough to give some warning, but they wouldn't. And the rest of us... Demeter knows at least one-half of our minds. She knows Carine's, Archie's, and mine. So there's nowhere for us to run to. She could track us anywhere. Our mates could escape, possibly, but they'd never leave us."

"They know Beau too," Jules said, frowning.

"They actually don't. Demeter's gift is mental, and my shield protects against mental powers, but like Edythe said, I'm not going to leave my mate. So it's a moot point." I took a deep breath. "And humans spotting you is going to be just as big of a problem as if they spot us. Though, to our knowledge, there isn't a clan of shape-shifters that police your kind, Athenodora – one of the Volturi leaders – has a deep-seated fear of werewolves. And if evidence gets back that one, or more, is loose in Seattle, they will come. And they certainly won't honor the treaty that you have with us. They won't care. So we have to avoid exposure at all costs.

"Almost guaranteed, the newborns will be staying in something abandoned, and more specifically something large enough to house two dozen young vampires, which won't be a house. That's why I went through the train-yard, or started to. It would be one of only a couple places where I'd suspect we might find them. But, though there was some smell of vampires in the rail-yard, it wasn't heavy enough to be where they were staying. It makes me suspect they may be staying in a warehouse. And while there are warehouses throughout Seattle, a vast majority of them are between 1st and 4th streets on the south-side. And that's where I'm betting they'll be. Though we won't be sure until we go."

"And we're going in blind. Archie's never been able to get a lock on where they're at, and now that you'll be going, he won't be able to." Edythe pointed out.

"So we make a beeline for the warehouses when we go to attack?" Sam asked.

"Yes. Though deciding when to go is going to be a problem. I think we'd be more likely to find them in one place if we went during the day, but the exposure risk would be huge that way. Of course, the exposure risk by us going out at night may not be any less..." Edythe trailed off as she frowned, spinning around to look at the sliding glass back door.

"What is it?" I asked, immediately on alert as I turned to look as well.

"You'll find out soon enough," Edythe muttered and headed toward the door.

She opened it just as I noticed Archie in the forest.

"They're going to be coming here!" he shouted.

I was out the sliding glass door before Edythe. "What do you mean they're coming here?"

"The newborns. A decision's been made. They're coming to Forks."

"Why?" I demanded.

Archie looked behind me, towards Edythe. "You should have told him Jessamine's idea." He focused back on me. "There's only one reason that Jessamine could think of for an army being made in Seattle. And that's because of us. We're the only thing here."

For a brief moment, I was hurt that Edythe hadn't told me, but I'd also told her it was okay, that it didn't matter, so I let it go. I was sure, if I'd pushed, she'd have told me. I narrowed my eyes at Archie. "There's more though, isn't there? Why are they coming now?"

"Not now. In three days." He swallowed. "And they're coming because of you."

I couldn't help it, I froze, statue solid.


End file.
